Anxiously
My chest tightens,
Heart races.
The ability to breath
Escapes me
Im grasping at straws
To regain some
Self control.
Im loosing myself
In dread,
Things are at a
Fever pitch,
Climbing to the ******
Of self doubt.
Can I do this?

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I feel these erratic rhythms
                                               beneath my ribs,
Each heartbeat becomes a
precarious
                 dance
          Between normality
and
      disarray
                    Until my
body surrenders,
and
it all
becomes
a
blur.

Time
stretches
in the QT interval,
                               Too long, too dangerous,
A simple electrical
glitch
          That turns
                            my pulse
into a sprinting
beat
       pounding
                       out
       warnings.

My ICD
becomes
my shield,
While
adrenaline
            lurks like an assassin
Waiting to
trigger the storm.
                    As stress and
excitement
                become
calculated risks,
                And life becomes
a minefield.

My ECG reveals all in peaks and valleys, each prolonged wave becomes a reminder that my heart keeps its own peculiar time.

This electrical maze requires vigilance
A constant awareness
of my heart's delayed signature,
Its prolonged encore
after each performance,
Laying bare my vulnerability
as I dice with death every time.

…And in all honesty
It scares me.

©️Lizzie Bevis