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Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
so i was sitting down on the steps in the garden
eating a lychee
and drinking a Pimm's: i know, the profanity...
just Pimm's and lemonade...
i made my parents the proper stuff:
with strawberries, cucumber and mint...
but i was just thinking there...
father comes over and tells me that both
the Glasgow teams managed to qualify to the champions
league... what about the 'burgh teams?
'burgh teams?
yeah... i don't mean the Champions League:
Europa league... Herts or Hibernian?
no... not that i know of...
mind you... Herts is under scrutiny...
about what?
                     over-paying their players...
oh! like the investigation that had Juventus demoted
from Seria A(h) to a lower league?
like the points deducted from Derby County FC
and Saracens RC (rugby club)...
in the meantime my manager texts me about
a chance to work a shift in Basildon...
some Garage Festival... i used to have friends at school
who were garage music fanatics...
they were also big into graffiti...
all the girls at school loved those idiots...
most ended up in prison or were popping ******
pills before they were 16...
i sent him a text: can i be "Irish" about this whole affair?
it's no problem for me getting there,
it's the getting out that's an issue...
if i could get a lift back home: i'll do it...
mind you: i have a Wembley shift on the 3rd...
in between he replies with a LOL...
i hate these LOLz...
hey... i'm not working a shift after which i have
to pay for a hotel... i earn in order to spend
is not my thing: i earn for umbrellas and rainy days
and prostitutes... mostly prostitutes:
they can spend my money the hell they want...
hmm... Herts is being investigated for
propping up the wages of its players?
so... so deflation does exist! deflation does exist
in capitalism!
that's deflation! what's deflation?
the end product is sold at the same price as:
per usual... but the people selling the product...
are paid more than usual!
in the current times, what's the hot topic?
once upon a time it was Brexit...
then it was Covid... now it's: ******* Russians
cranking up the gas supply to Europe:
if i were Russian? i'd be ******* too...
i abhor Russophobia of the Europeans:
and i'm a ******... i should be the biggest *******
Russophobe around... but i've dated a Russian
girl... ***** had it easy: i don't even know
why she managed to get away with slapping me:
oh... right... i was in her St. Petersburg flat
visiting her for a month... we went and saw
Metallica in Moscow... she thought i was cheating
on her while in fact her ex-boyfriend
with connections was sticking around her like
a leech while we drank cognac with a slice
of lemon.. for that: ooh! ooze of a squeeze...
i made her fuckable... she trimmed her dread
and looked ****-ugly when i was ******* her...
a masterpiece of the degradation of womanhood....
still.... nice ****... all Russian **** are nice...
and a ****-of-left-overs that might wet any man's
appetite for most oysters...
what?! ha ha... i dated this one French psychology
exchange student... climbed Arthur's Seat with her...
but i felt her scorn when she exclaimed:
but you have a picture of Napoleon hanging on your
wall: true... but i also have a picture
of Plato: gay... and Marquis de Sade hanging next
to Napoleon... as a Frenchwoman you ought
to know that Napoleon did more for the ****** people
that any of the Hapsburg *****!
he erected the satellite state of the Duchy of Warsaw!
what's you ******* problem?
the relationship ended soon after i lost my
virginity and she lost the plot by starting
to braid her beautiful auburn hair...
i held her head while she vomited a leash
of a waterfall... Toby... this funny Swiss drummer
who i jammed with helped me:
look at me, worried, eyes all questions:
you know this girl, don't you?
yeah... my eyes replied... i do know her...
i lost my virginity to her... we watched Japanese
animation movies like grow-ups...
in between me feeling up her **** like
i might be fiddling with a wallet looking for spare
change... or the keys to my house...

never mind that... **** Grenoble and ****
psychology students!
**** 'em... and **** Fiona and **** my *******
mandolin: **** it!
what's important? domino affect... or the ripple effect...
it's one calamity after another...
this is not going to stop:
this is a joke... a proper joke: like arbeit macht frei
is a proper joke...
i'm climbing a hill of skulls...

         i'm keeping one of the words... macht...

leute macht froh!
      that's my ******* "neo-****" motto...
leute macht froh!

         and yes! deflation does exist! it's a niche experiment...
now, for now? associated with football and rugby clubs...
the wages of players are explosive...
what has changed in the game of rugby or that
of football? the footballs have become larger?
no one is using shoelaces? everyone is running
******* shirtless?!
the goalposts have moved! oh no! really?!
the pitch is larger? smaller?!
wow!

in terms of inflation... the price of a ticket to see
a game goes up...
in terms of deflation... well... well well...
the earnings of the players go up...
so? say... a team like Saracens increases their
wage-gap and attracts all the best players...
so... the monotony continues...
the personna non grata elements kicks in...
monopoly of the monotony...
unlike Mark Noble of West Ham... i just overheard
it... players? these days?! mercenaries...

a bit ******* different to being a mercenary samurai
though... a RONIN...

i'm getting older and my rage is not abating....
then again: maybe i'm not getting any younger...
maybe i'm stalling...
my body is roving through the natural
demands but my mind is drifting off
back towards the days of my precious youth...

i do feel... like i'm living in the times of Ancient Rome...
here i am... scribbling while something
in the Coliseum of happening and i'm like...
eh... the clouds are more entertaining being
more eternal..

— The End —