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Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
it's a common theme, a pastoral even... a sing-along with the words: when i was in Rotherham... i was never in England... when i was a Rotherham i was never going to imagine myself eating falafel. yes, it's that ****** ugly, which is why i'm hardly a premature ejaculator into assembling myself as bulldog Brit - use the language: well, obviously... but assemble the other bits and bobs? can't happen... it's like asking: tell a Jew to not be a Jew by sitting in one place for a long period of time... the nomad in him will evidently counter that proposal and say: **** it! see you on Mars! and to think that i could have actually invested my life into a diameter that's Poland... people still find it a bit odd: oh, wait, are they back on the map? that's us, Jews of the north... can't believe we're being blamed for the failure of the treaty of Rome: all because the English stopped flirting with the idea of Turkey being in the union: even though they dabble in a lamb kebab after binging on *****... but hey, no one want to be a hypocrite these days... that's of course provisional given your Jose Mourinho relationship: is as special as you suppose with the lady and the trump; someone tell Disney to stop writing those ****** scripts! how thoughtful of a prophet-merchant (merchant of Mecca, Shakespeare should have written that one) to have encouraged the sigma-bleaching-project: one world, one book, one something or other: either the telescope or the microscope answers: otherwise evolving into ****-naked baboons and elsewhere furry Gucci to strut the feline ****; it's not like i want to go back to the past, but i certainly don't want to experience a Monday in the year 2086 either.

i wouldn't have been one of them, their services required
a nobility, which i can partially claim,
but partially discredit as:
a family squabble, where the Eden
project would have flourished -
because of the lies -
         but you know, no biggie,
or the notorious -
one part of my family actually did
settle in america with my seven
tongued great-grandfather *sprechen güt

it's necessarily applied here:
hence it's not gút: miracles!
                     who would have thought
that trigonometry bit into the *****
of those pixy, foxy whatever clot in the
English department....
that's the thing with immigration and
integration and ethnic cleansing:
when i write,
    the desk is as rickety as a bed when
i **** a *******
and she tells me i'm a decent chap -
and says a variant of awe because i paid
£10 extra to pucker her floral arrangement
and she feels ashamed at having had
an ******: and all the feminists are
out there, in the cold, with their banter
     slogans that reach Zeno via
turtle, as snail, to compete with Achilles:
yeah, that hurt, because you enjoyed it
on the hobnob you call a job.
******* pretty enough for you now?
   well: two ***** and a smoking ****** later:
it better be!
               people think that you can just
"integrate" into a foreign land...
they coerce a foretfulfulnes that you
sometimes practice etymology -
        and find yourself a bit like a Jew
but more of a Slav, feeling at most romantic about
the land that is cleft to your ***** in terms
of language patriotism still leech-like,
because you can't forget the asking
that's already there: from the Baltic Sea
toward the Black Sea: our commonwealth was,
and could have been!
          globalisation is so Emi ******* M -
you bleach throughout, and so suddenly,
people get bothered -
         like a Cluedo but unlike who did it?
who's who?
             i write this on a rickety table,
like i might **** an Amsterdam dame of the credo
in all that's left: red -
       baby, that brickwork with your chub
layers does it for me: always a Puerto Rican to
have a laugh with...
20+ years in England and the roses are still
roses, but nettles in some obscure Greece island
designated for offshore debauchery -
hey, no one is a saint: but give a little -
   have at least the remote humanity in you
to breed the ******* Beatles rather than an antiquated
variation of Breivik.
                obviously not to be.
i payed because i wasn't getting any:
hands up, sycamore! so scythe so more -
i just feel uprooted and Jew -
  dispositioned like i have to have an inferiority
complex tattooed on my **** designated for
halal butchers -
           there's a problem though...
i have patriotism with regards to the tongue:
but to the people? a true Conrad (minus the Joseph)
would sell you out, like you already
have: to the highest Saudi bidder -
           ethnicity reemerges - strangely enough:
even after all that ethnic cleansing that's politely
called globalisation: because English cultural
emphasis is plain said: ****!
                      a bunch of fairies say i can't feel
a certain way because it will hardly become economised
and benefit an inbreeding:
so i outsourced you there,
   Dover Monsieur without his Turk and Mongol
invaders -
                   you could call it romantic:
but i'm not writing from an ivory tower within
framework of the land that needs tilling by
a familiar hand,
                 the last time i spoke to a Pollack -
it was in a shady alley at night, debating the clues
to making a living on Ebay -
                  so much for the romantics -
fair game in learning the tongue, but to attack
ethnicity? you have to be ******* me...
they call it the exotica in England:
all that coconut milk went to their heads -
   Baltic coconuts? sure... once you start eating
the pickled herrings like us: quasi-Scandi devils.
     so ******* twinned with Israel:
they said Amsterdam was the Venice of the north
they said Edinburgh was the Athens of the north
they might as well call it Tel Aviv Warsaw
and Jerusalem Krakow - too little to be said
otherwise.
             you could say Moscow and St. Petersburg:
oh sure, seen a bit of the world: ought to be
a *******...           really?
       does the world need another Golgotha
congregation? i just don't see why i require
to give more than linguistic acumen -
i'd never sing god save the queen
because i'd probably sing queen save the taxman...
and it really is a shame i can't engage in
any sort of nationalism - whether over there
or over here, it's a true shame...
           well i do have a grand history to aspire to,
variously interpreted with what gets my heart
thumping:
          ogniem i mieczem - hussaria ginie
(with fire and with sword - winged hussars die) /
          krzesimir dębski:
which i also translate in feeling within
the framework of Górecki's (3rd symphony?
fun-*******-tastic reassembling jazz's double
base, or bees, or other variations of humming
drones: anti-thesis of the crescendo)
three olden pieces, no. ii -
and yes: without cinema classical music would
be dead... the only classical music these days
is cinematic transcript -
                 the complexity of a Liszt or a Chopin
is frowned at, what has remained and endured
is a Satie yawn - a brushing of a piano like
a dustmaid: a sort of accenting the silence -
nothing with a technical claustrophobia of
smug finger litanies of the abacus:
that swamp women's feelings with eerie ahs
and yesses in would be marriage proposals.
   i wish i could be a lazy Welshman
or a Scot that forgot Celtic in order to glorify
a Glaswegian idiosyncratic-syllabalisation
    of wee, as in small: high off my rockers
on the Afghani thought train that's *****.
  i wish i were that ****** lazy...
  as to simply let go of where i was and where
i wasn't...
       as someone in Cardiff once said:
never been to London -
or as someone in Glasgow once said:
           a banch of ****** all with the Edinburgh
Judases.
              i don't think i could ever
have enough lost self-respect to not play the ethnic
joker card without a romantic agitation -
but it's still the piano that truly survives in
the modern world of pop **** trance i-wish-i-were-shot,
any other name from american beauty -
once again: the minimalism is self-explanatory.
no, i don't think i could ever fully integrate:
and happy are those who have their
lives filled with the existentially trivial:
never moved home, never descended a class below
or rise a class above their parent's status -
what a grand scheme of lotto!
                    i love these squamish pixies -
i love them so much that i experience nausea when
hearing about their lot in life...
  after which i turn to a lullaby, handpicked,
christopher young's - something to think about
from the hellraiser franchise, or as i like to call it:
i like these sort of tracks, these life infuriating
   chattering:
              like throwing yourself into either
nouns or onomatopoeias:
                           and yes, art is difficult:
because it's supposedly lazy -
                   oh the plumber in me that never was,
oh the roofer of industrial sized roofs in me that
somehow was, but then wasn't...
            the part of me that writes like Joseph Conrad
but actually wants to scream:
                       zzé skury odrzeć! (variant: ob-      +
-drzec)    to strip the skin.
                 a z tym: nadać ducha gniew alter solo
wbrew temu co mówi, czyli: razem;
                    nawet katedra św. piotra nie jest
                   minimalizm zwany: Golgota.

              (and with this: give the ghost's anger
alter solo, against that, which says,
namely: together; even st. peter's cathedral
                 isn't the minimalism of Golgotha).
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2019
krzesimir dębski - husaria ginie...

a mirroring of a sensation...
the british overtones of levelling:
what we have, not made former,
by conquest, but the russians have...
we will exact... as being the best wishes..
of: and each citizen...
will be allowed... to have his egocentric
trip; minus the hindu psychadelics....
his crown.... i who have found
and bound... a freedom
and ******* within the realm of:
the formal and the informal zunge...

you are holding onto a house of cards -
my friend; and when it comes crashing
down... there... will... be...
no echo... when this folds...
there will no stop-off of the soviet empire...
no grand duchy of lithuania...
no "belarus"... no "ukraine"...
no tricklets of moldova....
not "grand" duchy of prussia...
the people have become... solvent....
darwinism-copernicanism:
no wittgeinstein will help:
what is vogue, was vogue,
will remain vogue, until: bra burning...

i don't know... i guess this esarly stage
of double-crossed exercise in libido is
too much for those modern...
darwinian... chimp-aardvark utopia
seekers... it's never a "solipsistic chimp",
"problem"... "suddenly"
it's a ******* animal farm affair!
stress it once more!
when it was darwin and some greek
uttered the phrase: **** similis!
then "they" unearthed "history"...
"they" looked backwards/forwards
in the heliocentric dynamic...
except on the Faroe Islands in that
geocentric guise... the earth does move
around the earth...
but there's no Louis XIV...

subsequently there's no Alexander Dumas...
there's no Athos - the drinker wise;
Porthos - the sancho, the goat, the ***..
Aramis - the priest... the philanderer...
the don juan in disguise...

what if darwinism was nothing more than
that copernican vogue...
to have to borrow from a hierarchy of
lobsters... of ants...
yet somehow having...

really? are we contesting an ego's hard-on?
prokofiev's troika vs.
prokofiev's lieutenant kijé?
is there really a "vs."?

bones will shackle themselves to:
disowning shadows and
rattles and rumblings...
and... the sort of poverty
of broken into cookies marches...

poliushko polie:
nothing ever said as much as this says:
"we"... the "people"...
out of the window... the babe and the bathwater!
gone!
last remnants of what came part
of the story that constituted:
the two neighbours of europe...
somehow the greeks juggled...
the hebrew: please can the hebrew juggle better!

i don't need cheap british socialism
pseudo-communism:
from under the iron curtain...
where next?!
this? this brixton break-up of
some black whip over a white ****?
let the whips dry up among themselves...
i'll still be looking for japanese gravure...
the bull... the tender girl
in a porcelain shop...

or some "other"...
nonetheless: we'll all be left better off being
all confused...
such as now...

all becomes apparent:
when being guided in the kingdom
of the blind by the one-eyed man...
the dajjal... perhaps a one eared man would suffice...
after all...
i can see... pakistani-pakistani...
and i can see pakistani-english:
slush-puppy centrist...

my eye does not differentiate the two...
even if i have but one...
but it's worthwhile to know at least
two tongues... in this modern global age...
it's not enough to know but one:
abide by one tongue...
the dajjal is not one-eyed...
he's one-eared...
he will be the one to end this current
arabic ****... of sitting on oil beneath
the sands...
he will revel in speaking only one tongue...

next target! no target...
darwin is my new copernicus...
until our next meeting...
when all this sort of regurgitated neu-vogue is
no longer a rasberry beret.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
i remember the first time i lost my virginity to a pair of police handcuffs, the ones in england are rigid, so you don't actually get to put your hands behind your back, rather, they're in plain sight, right in front of you... i had the occasional scruff with the law, well, that one time when i was alcohol poisoned by warm ***** and managed to turn a police van into a taxi home... loved the cage though, felt like a bit of a che guevara (gorilla, guerilla, yeah?)... oh, the handcuff loss of virginity... the offence? ******* in a dark alley, next to a dustbin... the **** of a colt of a police officer had too much testosterone in him, kept shouting and shouting at me like batman vs. the joker... i kept from laughing, drunk as i was: i was an inch away from the tsunami of giggles, and he shouted: get up! and i said, i can't be bothered... get up! he shouted, eventually i got up... you know, there's a better insult in poland concerning the police than mere pig... it goes along the nursery "rhyme" of: there's a boppy who only knows how to read, and there's a boppy, who only knows how to write... frau heimlich will explain, in sign language, and that's not braille - so, ****! thank you frau heimlich, for making a, devastating case of ****! (esp. with the missing Я) - i'm copernicus all over it... and make that two shakes of a fox's tale, some ice, a squeeze of lemon, and i'm bound to call your grandma: sunshine!

oh, right, the colt quiff of the blues brothers
suddenly took the cuffs off,
and i was free, ready for my manicure -
because, apparently, ******* in a dark alley
was not so bad, but a drunken brawl was...
i just love the fact that his screaming was
so ineffective on me,
    it almost felt like i became a virus that
built up an immunity to antibiotics -
or anti-*******...
     i might as well have asked for a second
loss of virginity to the handcuffs
by jerking off in public, luckily i had
enough sense in me to snigger while walking
back home...

blah blah nah nah... beside the point...

upon reading heidegger's aphorism 42 (vi) -
it just strikes me...
    i hear this ******* about identity not being
ethno-centric,
   the sort of **** that brings about bill C16
and the albino pronoun brigade,
who suddenly go: whoopie and strip it
even further, and we're left with language
like those *Gunther von Hagens
sculptures -
sign me up!
    you know, like totally bleaching people,
stripping them into a post-edenic state -
love the work though, francis baconesque -
can't be a genius: if you can't be mad -
the mad, the bad, and the not-so-bright;
but in this aphorism i conjured up a "spell":
you know that funny feeling you get when
you can reconnect with the antopia?
it's not a utopia as such, more a:
    and all these parts go together,
                                       like an ikea table;
it takes but a simple thing,
a book by a fellow countrymen,
or a song, like track 12, from the film
  ogniem i mieczem - husaria ginie
(death of the winged hussars) -
based on the book by h. sienkiewicz -
thus the aphorism which includes
the following:
   die völkisch (the folkish) worldview,
or better still die völkisch dasein,
the term has actually evolved -
  it's not longer a simply abstract da-sein,
it's concrete in the people, the land,
the artefacts, the basics of the most primitive
kind of artefact: an imprint
on the base of all if not merely some
things organic, inorganic, or at least
the aura of the physical: the melancholy
of, say, the english consistency to be
morose in its weather: overcast;
as you first notice - the first thing you
notice concerning england is:
either a double-decker bus, or the persistence
of overcast clouds... a bit like in the matrix movie;
no wonder then, the sense of humour.
yet that is heidegger's case -
english society has long forgotten its folkish
roots, sure they sometimes play
vaughan williams' fantasia on greensleeves
(and if my informant is correct,
  she mentioned it was originally composed
by the tyrant... henry viii?)
        and those funny looking druids
and the stonehenge -
        but, with kind respect - this country is all
but represented by metropolitanism,
   or that cocktail, cosmopolitanism -
          there is nothing folkish about this place,
a place has been replaced by a world,
been replaced by all things global,
subsequently replaced by an orb,
    a scarab beetle tucking into its dung,
egyptology, a **** similis twice removed
from an orangutan who we started calling
    firlin mc'donald...
                  then onto the moon,
  and **** all elsewhere...
           it's hard to think of a people in the anglophone
world, given that the actual language is
hardly a language for the people,
    so imbedded as to give a literary worth
to the people, a depth...
  english is the lingua franca of today,
or, should i say: lingua commercia -
  and by definition: it's a bit like latin -
                           a language: of dead ideas;
its insulative "protect the women" mentality is
like a cancerous addition to the already
abnormal growth: that, like chernobyl
   didn't ****, ought to have killed many more.
i still can't believe the intellectual toddlers
******* their thumbs clinging to darwinism
like koala bears...
         so yeah... do you think there was a branch
of humanity that evolved from bears?
it's become this boring, this sticking to our
darwinism, that is the source of the most
detestable jokes... as true as it might be:
   the pompousness, oddly enough,
doesn't rub off on continental europeans...
as heidegger points out:
   a people is the ground on which all creativity
proceeds; a people is with regard to the process
of creativity even the root out of which creativity
arises and stand...
  and isn't that the case?
    we've already stripped the people
to the basic grammatical units,
   bleached them, stripped them of an ethno-"bias",
and by that i mean: basic recognition -
  nay! a historical unit of the already governing
history-continuum...
         no wonder there's a trans movement
and the abstracting recoil of the absurd -
     i'm the least surprised given that -
       perhaps this was not written in my native
tongue -
               i leave this page, i'll still ****** well
speak it...
    point being... america is a nation of immigrants?
personally? i like to think of them,
as a nation of mongrels...
          i was fed this jealous crap a long time
ago, in high school, where the history teacher
said that i would be the only child in the classroom
to not head into a concentration camp...
oh right: ******* special i was back then...
   just like any rottweiler pure breed looking
at your common mutt...
        and the atypical question in england
is? so, where you from?
    asked by a mix of sikh and irish?
     coupled with: so what ethnicity are you?
and the scary answer, that makes a sikh / irish
mongrel run away?
  oh you know, they sometimes refer to me
as a pure breed.
      huh?!
        mama didn't shnuckle up with some
******* ******.
             yeah, it sometimes gets that bad -
but a question like: where are you from,
                   over a pint of beer -
                       deserves that sort of response;
so when are we gonna talk about
black privilege, the blues, the jazz,
   and the 100m sprint, or the ethiopian /
kenyan long distance runners?
I've lost my touch
You gave me some of yours
Called it grains of paradise
A reason to smile
For anyone who needs it

Your birth is a gift, kal
You knew that it's true
Today's your big day
When you never even asked for it
None of us ever did

You are you
No matter where you are
Happy birthday dearest friend
I'm thanking Him
For our first hello to everything

Keep on doing
The things you do
The words you used
They spread like germs
While you turn em to gems

Keep on going
Stay at your best
Like you always do
When we're talking
About breaking apart

Happy birthday dearest friend
Glad got to know you
Out of the blue
End of my words
You deserve nothing but the best

May God bless you
Your family
Our friends
You're not a ginie in a bottle
You're just one of a kind

Sincerely, piah of yours
#fiyyargggh
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
/i keep forgetting that, whenever i slip-tongue some deutsch... it's not because i had some germanophilia... after all, Northern english, Scot and Welsh in terms of dialect, and other grammatical "unicorns" is not unique to tue British Isles... although,  as islanders, a tinge of solipsism and a uniqueness-complex tends to hold sway... unless the ***** tourism in Mallorca... then of course: let the cattle in... no... the kuriousrushenzunge is more or less correlated to the dialect of Silesians, and Kashubians... but that's just one thought: i can't imagine a poet, who ever didn't want to mature into a chicken-scratching scribbler... well... there is the persistent novelty of making expressions terse... since, however great a book will be... there are volumenbindung moments in, "serious" literature, which appear, as a sort of writer's phobia is writer's-block... somehow a space needs to be filled, no minor details being omitted... volume-binding... and you know that Faust was german... but primarily a chemist... when a German writes a word, or compounds, the late saxon has to hyphenate the compound... too much of a headache to read words compounded so... but look at any chemical name... you'll still find the sleeping saxon,  in the anglosphere... e. g.? PCTFE: polychlorotrifluoroethylene... now... a dreaming saxon wrote that, given less technical words are congested like that in common german... less shrapnel,  and certainly no hyphenation exclusiveness... so much for studying chemistry, when the study of diacritic came as a natural consequence of returning to the humanities... syllable premeditation: remnants of German in English... are still lodged in chemistry.

to be honest, i had my hopes set too high...
the only reason i read H. Sienkiewicz's
Ogniem i Mieczem (with fire and sword)
was because of the goosebumps
i was injected with
     upon listening to a track from
the soundtrack - husaria ginie
(the hussars die) - by Krzesimir Dębksi...
the book read itself, while i was
spreading butter onto a
kaiserbrötchen...
             or perhaps that part of history
interested me more,
than what i was about to embark on...
also by H. Sienkiewicz,
   krzyżacy (knights of the teutonic
order)... i can't say that it's a boring book,
or a tedius book...
    albeit so far into volume one...
not that many teutonic knights...
but primarily the protagonist,
a hot-headed eighteen year old of minor
nobility... and... too much character building,
that gets wasted on the vigour
of youth, and no real Dostoyevskian
depth...
              but the occasion  calls for it,
plus i've been dying to see the wonder of
the teutonic order for some time...
odd, but it would appear,
that simple stubbornness,
and an inability to leave a book
partially unead can't be measured by...
a persistent, "neurotic" or
        "o.c.d." compulsions,
since, no one would know, except me...
and cheating the book
by watching the Aleksandr Ford
   adaptation... would be a minor bypass...
rarely has a book actually forced
me to go somewhere,
in relation to its content...
      St. Petersburg would have resonated
if i visited it during autumn...
   yet can you do...
      if a visit, to see the teutonic capital
at Marienburg is what i'll have to do,
to read the book without inviting
in the remotest a tedium,
    a reader's lethargy...
               then a trip to Marienburg
has to happen...
                       two birds with one stone...
remotely, as if through a dream,
     visiting Danzing as a szkrab
   (schkrab / kleinkind)...
                apparently you can't do
one without the other.

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