The faint smell of cigar will always linger on my neck.
The whiskey you spilled on me always on my breast.
A friendly night out is all you asked for.
Shoving me into the room.
"You can't leave, it's too soon."
Slamming the door.
"GET UNDRESSED."
Stammering while you walk.
Twisting my arm, falling to the floor.
"Get up. Get up. Be my little *****."
I knew "just friends" was just some little joke.
Turning around swooping hands.
Choke.  
Against the wall a piercing shove.
"You know you are the girl I've always loved?"
Crumbled up money put into my mouth.
"Kiss me and tell me you love me on your way out."
I'll never forget the way you told me you loved me..
Before you blew your brains out.

evaluating descriptions
of myself and what it means
to have high arches
and elbows that crack.

or angry base ****** expressions.
I don’t look friendy.
or personable
or happy.

what I’ve found is I don’t fit
into a perfectly shaped puzzle piece
hole (that was made for me
to help identify who I am)

I am unidentifiable by choice.

or maybe it's not willingly
but rather an unfortunate truth
I have mistaken as my own decision.

all I really wanted was
someone who fit into
the puzzle with me.

like two nesting birds
that stuff their feathery bodies
into too-tight spaces.
(we don’t fit)

instead I am just one
lonely bird in a too big nest.

my feathers are ruffled
from frantic, panicked waves
of agoraphobic episodes.

this immense space
looks ridiculous
for one body

I can't be the only one who feels so

alone.

Happiness is an expensive treasure
But, let me tell you, it has no measure
It can even be a poor man's pleasure
But, all that we need is to turn on that light.

Anytime, any place, to anyone
Happiness can start the fun.
No matter if you are rich or poor
You can still allure,
For it is an asset open to secure.

But be friendy and make others happy,
For it lies in how you treat them,
And stay at the helm.
Do make others happy,
And in turn you are switching on that light,
That bestows happiness at tough times.

If a rich fails to turn on the light
Happiness will not be a delight.
But, even if you are poor, forsaken in the dark
You can still leave a mark.

Even in the darkest times,
Happiness shows its mights,
But only if we turn on those lights,
Which, we forget sometimes...!