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Lawrence Hall Feb 2019
The cultural filters are all in place
And truth, some say, is past its sell-by date
Weak hymns embalmed by hippies, and lost in space
Where time is always 1968

A poison-green tattoo on a fleshy back
No incense, but the Purell’s pretty strong
A ten-year-old gobbles his comfort snack
During Communion and a three-chord song

Our bishops quack and honk in flocks and herds -
We need a starets
                                           but all we get are words:


Intensify the Dallas Charter accountability focus accountability exclusively accountability collegial collective accountability responsibility address theme encounter dialectic collegiality variety universality unity flock dealing topic difficult reasons unexplored differences crisis difficult for bishops enable abusers gravely irreparably failures governance responsibility question engage conversation point brother problematic behavior cultivate culture correctio fraterna enables offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called intensify the Dallas Charter metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions Accountability focus accountability exclusively accountability collegial collective accountability responsibility address theme encounter dialectic collegiality variety universality unity flock dealing topic difficult reasons unexplored differences crisis difficult for bishops enable abusers gravely irreparably failures governance responsibility question engage conversation point brother problematic behavior cultivate culture correctio fraterna enables offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called Metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions accountable faithful promises episodes  accountability supportive talking collegiality obligation misbehavior failures circumstances reputation representative discreet inquiries interview expression concern geographically confronted reported matter subject investigating disciplining malfeasance proposal wrongdoing explained carefully considered matter alternatives remarks paragraph  rehearsed alternatives footnote 6 of text speeches delivered sessions briefing spoke involvement laity lay involvement transparency transparent offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called Metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions accountable faithful promises episodes  accountability supportive talking collegiality obligation misbehavior failures circumstances reputation representative discreet inquiries interview expression concern geographically confronted reported matter subject investigating disciplining malfeasance proposal wrongdoing explained carefully considered matter alternatives remarks paragraph  rehearsed alternatives footnote 6 of text speeches delivered sessions briefing spoke involvement laity lay involvement transparency transparent intensify the Dallas Charter…
Your ‘umble scrivener’s site is:
Reactionarydrivel.blogspot.com.
It’s not at all reactionary, tho’ it might be drivel.

Lawrence Hall’s vanity publications are available on amazon.com as Kindle and on bits of dead tree:  The Road to Magdalena, Paleo-Hippies at Work and Play, Lady with a Dead Turtle, Don’t Forget Your Shoes and Grapes, Coffee and a Dead Alligator to Go, and Dispatches from the Colonial Office.
HATE BEING THE ONE THAT HAS TO BEHAVE



YOU SEE, I KNOW MY BROTHER IS ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT HE WANTS

BUT I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I SAY, SOMETIMES I AM JUST BEING COOL

I HATE PEOPLE TELLING ME I HAVE TO BE GOOD, LIKE MY PERFECT FAMILY

IT’S HARD TO DISCIPLINED TO, JUST BECAUSE, I MUCKED WITH THE OLD FOGIES

I HATE, HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A TOTAL AND UTTER LOSER

YOU SEE, WHY DO PEOPLE TRY AND DISCIPLINE ME, I FIND IT HARD

LIKE I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I HATED DADS DISCIPLINE RULE

I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I AM A NICE PERSON

YOU SEE, IF I GOOF UP, I AM TOLD, I HAVE NO MATES ANYMORE

ALL BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING OUT OF LINE

I KNOW MY BROTHER HAS A WIFE AND KIDS, AND WAS COOL

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE, PEOPLE ONLY LIKING ME

IF I BEHAVE, CAUSE I AM COOL, MAN, THE COOLEST DUDE IN CANBERRA

I HATE WHEN I HEAR THE VOICES BE LIKE US, WHEN I EXPRESS MYSELF OVER THE WEB

YOU SEE, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE NICE, I AM A COOL AND REGULAR GUY

I DESERVE TO BE LIKED, I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKED FOR BEING PATHETIC, NO WAY

I HAD VOICES FROM THE PARANORMAL, YA SEE I AM A NICE COOL PERSON

WHY CAN’T I ENJOY THINGS, JUST BECAUSE I ******* PEOPLE

I FEEL IF I SEE THESE PEOPLE, THEY WILL SAY TO ME, I WAS WRONG

BUT I HATE BEING DISCIPLINED, PLEASE DON’T DISCIPLINE ME

I AM 45, AND I AIN’T COMMITTING ANY CRIMES, I AM STILL SEEING THESE DUDES

I USED TO GET DRUNK WITH, SOME WERE GOOD BLOKES

IT’S JUST THAT BACK THEN, I WASN’T PREPARED FOR OUR OUTINGS

I LIKE FOOTBALL, AND I LIKE GOING OUT HAVING FUN

AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD TO BEHAVE MYSELF I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE A NICE AND POLITE MAN

WHILE MY MATES CAN BE LEFT ALONE, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

I HATE THAT MAN KEN, I HAVE TO BEHAVE FOR HIM

I CAN’T STAND BEHAVING FOR ANYONE, BEHAVING IS DUNB AND BEHAVING IS WRONG

I HATE CATHOLIC MORALS, AND I HATE DISCIPLINE, BUT I FEEL ONLY OLD FOGIES HAVE DISCIPLINE MORALS

I TRY AND BE GOOD, WHEN I GO OUT TO EVENTS, BUTB SOMETIMES IT’S HARD TO EXCEPT DISCIPLINE

CAUSE WHY CAN’T I JUST BE ALLOWED TO MAKE A BIT OF NOISE

I AM ON MEDICATION, YA SEE IT’S MY DESTINATION, I WANT TO BE HAPPY, SO I TAKE MEDICATION

I THOUGHT DAD WAS STARTING TO SEE MY WAY OF LIFE, YOU SEE, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A GOOD BOY

BEING A GOOD BOY DOESN’T WORK FOR ME

I WANT TO BE NORMAL, I WANT TO BE LIKED

I SING A SONG, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ BOY, CAUSE HE TRIED TO JUST THINK I LIKED DISCIPLINE

I HATE BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP, IF YOU WANT ME TO SHUT UP, I WILL NEVER SHUT UP, CAUSE, I FOLLOW MY OWN STYLE

WHICH IS FUN, I BELIEVE IN HAVING FUN WHEREVER I GO OUT INTO THIS WORLD

I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN’T REALISE, I HATE DISCIPLINE, I DON’T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE I AM TOO WOOSEY FOR LIFE

I HATE BEING TOLD I HAVE TO BEHAVE, WHY DON’T YOU BEHAVE, YOU TELL ME TO BEHAVE, YOUR A TOTAL LOSER, BUDDY OLE BOY OLE CHUM OLE PAL

I AM GOING TO THE BOTANIC GARDENS TONIGHT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HANG WITH DISCIPLINE LOVING NERDS

I DON’T DO BEHAVING, OK I WILL NEVER DO BEHAVING, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE AN OLD FOGIE

I AM A COOL MIDDLE AGER, WHO LOVES TO PARTY

STOP DISCIPLINING ME, YA ****

OR I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN
Rachel Keyser Nov 2016
They call it scholar talk. It’s not better than home talk, it’s just different. It’s for school.

Like her, they start saying “goodness gracious” when things get crazy. Like someone else, they continue saying “**** ***** *****” when someone bothers them.

Do you feel like you spend a lot of your time disciplining?  
I feel like I spend all my time disciplining, she says.

One boy tries to jump out of the window of her classroom.
Later he tells her that if he doesn’t get another nice teacher he will **** himself.

But lots of kids say they are going to **** themselves. It’s the one threat that gets them one-on-one attention in a class of two dozen.
The school psychologist tells her she needs to manage her classroom better.

Her first principal is fired for abusing her disabled husband.
Her second principal admonishes her for mentioning that **** sapiens originated in Africa.
There are too many religious parents here to teach evolution.
“Where are you even getting this information?” he asks her with a straight face.

One day, in the fall, she cries amidst the chaos. The next day, one student tells another,
“Don’t you dare make my teacher cry again.”

She picks them up on the weekends and takes them to middle school basketball games as a treat. “You can even meet the coach if you behave,” she says to eager 2nd grade faces.

They read about fairytale princesses, and they ask her, “She’s like you, right Ms. Andrews?”

White ***** is hurled at her as often as chairs across the classroom. But come Friday morning they sit silent in their seats, hoping to earn lunch with Ms. Andrews. She gives out certificates, prizes, and free activities, but kids cry over not making “lunch bunch”.  How am I doing today? Am I doing good today?

There is non-profit prestige in moving to West Baltimore. Fresh fruit, new winter coats, and new laptops for every student. Within days, the new computers are slammed against desks and the dictionary covers are ripped off with bicth scribbled inside.
At least spell it right, her final plea.
New stuff doesn’t matter that much when they’re angry all the time, she says to the one school social worker.

What would be the single most helpful thing someone could do for these families?
Birth control, she answers.

Babies are celebrated, at birth. They are a temporary lighthouse.

Some of her students have multiple siblings who regularly visit Johns Hopkins for birth defects. Some of her students are heads of their households, walking their younger siblings to and from school every day. Another teacher gets in trouble for giving out free condoms to 16-year-old girls, many of whom are pregnant.

I honestly think you shouldn't get more welfare after two children, she says. I don’t think many of these babies are conceived out of love.

It’s painful for her to say that. It’s not what you learn at a prestigious liberal arts college. Not when you’re a progressive liberal aware of social constructs and institutionalized power hierarchies. Especially when you chose TFA because you really are committed to working in education policy.  

But you are beating the odds, because Baltimore has one of the highest TFA dropout rates in the country. Though 72 percent of all TFA teachers leave teaching within 5 years. The five-week training program and lack of connection with the community were not enough. Or maybe it’s because they never wanted to be teachers in the first place.

But, they ask, “No one wants those jobs anyway, so who would be there instead?”

Is that really the right question?

Another TFA friend recently quit because he started having panic attacks and losing weight. I’m pretty miserable, she says, but I know it’s for an end. Still, I go home and wonder,
Am I making a difference?
*Referenced from a conversation with a current Furman L. Templeton Preparatory Academy teacher and TFA Corps Member.
Robert Ronnow Mar 2021
Carrying a sleeping baby.
Cleaning after a successful party.

Camping beyond mountains more mountains.
Playing trumpet on the streets of New York City.

Eating although the food supply is deeply compromised.
Flying with Democrats and Republicans, evangelicals and atheists.

Flying like a fruit fly that won’t quit mating.
Cool as a hummingbird in the stream’s wet spray.

Abstaining wholly, absent from worldly life.
Two dogs fighting but not biting hard.

Chanting as if the planet were mending.
Gourmet dining, devout prayer, loving Mary.

Evenings watching tv. Scotch and Star Trek.
Taking off Emily Dickinson’s clothes.

Meeting in the meeting house, arguing and praying.
Planning a legacy as if you knew enough to control events.

Pursuing happiness as a naturalist or humanist.
Spinning with the planet, performing the history that surrounds us.

Killing many Germans, saving many Jews.
Doing less until one thing’s done well.

Fainting from staring at candles through stained glass windows.
Morning, a billion trillion nuclear detonations per second warming your
        bones.

Manipulating symbols, solving equations.
Disregarding tweets and facebook persuasions.

Sitting with a tiny Buddha near a rushing stream cutting a gorge.
Running, disciplining myself, making myself healthy.

Ingesting drugs, throwing die, drinking sludge.
Growing varicolored corn.

Participating in the cause because it’s impossible not to participate in
      the effect.
Running over a chipmunk, groundhog or a skunk.

Lying face down in the emergency room facing doom.
Waking up Monday thinking Sweet Saturday! but soon remembering
      your trick knee.

Turning the towering young thunder of my anger against my sons.
Regretting the callow dispassion with which I met my parents’ quietus.

Lawn mowing, leaf blowing, yapping dogs, napping old people.
No jets but a rooster mornings, cows and goats.

Al is painting an apartment. Sirma is cleaning the floors. Felix is taking
      out the garbage.
Deciding tentatively I slightly prefer Heifetz’ to Oistrakh’s Sibelius.

No cedar waxwings, no chickadees, but beautiful moon!
If you’re alone as you get, why are you crying?
—Collins, Billy, “Taking Off Emily Dickinson’s Clothes”, Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems, Random House, 2002.
Ashley Sep 2013
little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.
Sofia Aug 2010
If its not too much to ask

I think I'm ready to come back now

You probably have a stern lecture for me, a big season of disciplining is now in full force, I can feel it, I think.

Its all a big lesson.

Does that mean you chastize me? (Hebrews 12:6) Is it really a lesson of love rather than hate? Do you completely not like me anymore? Do you look down in shame on me? Am I off the book? Am I gone from your mind of loved ones? Please tell me you're still there and willing to get me back to the top of the mountain where I was before. Bring me back to the level of faith that I long to have again.

I don't want to know that I'm no longer a daughter but I'm afraid that is the current truth.

Everything feels so wrong. I have grown weary, I have grown so weak.

I have never resisted to the point of blood. This shames me beyond anything. Why! The fire has been put out and its all my fault. You were right all along, and I knew it, but I purposely chose to go the other way. Even your Word seems foreign now. What a bad season! I'm ruined. I'm gone. I have been living halfway and no way. I lost everything I had built in you. Help me and have mercy on me because I can't believe right now that you love me. I can't believe that your grace will take me back now. I can't believe it when all I've done was spit forgiveness in the face and throw away redemption and repentance to the wind. I'm done for, Lord take me back because there's no way I can do this on my own. There needs to be a revival and I have to come back to you, my heart feels so heavy.

And all I tried to do,
was see the best in you

Look where its gotten me.
10/21/2010
George Anthony May 2016
lately all my illnesses have me feeling backed into corners,
i feel so trapped, weighed down by debt and regret
i have no escape; this is the way my life is doomed to play out
and oh how i wish this were all just some silly game gone too far because at least then it'd find its eventual end
but no mother is about to tell the children when enough is enough
to apologise
say "sorry"
for locking me in the closet,
for making me want to stay in bed and waste the days away,
for making me hate myself so much that i'm convinced my disorders are more sane than i am.

these children know no boundaries
and worst of all is that they're my own; i am incapable of disciplining them, of taking control—
there's a reason i never wanted kids in the first place,
their ***** little fingers plucking at my brain and soiling my house.

Depression is the oldest—i had him before i even realised he was mine
Anxiety was next, and suddenly i knew why people used the phrase "terrible two"
i found myself juggling twins without really knowing where they came from: Suicidalthoughts and Eatingdisorder
once, i nearly gave them all up
as well as hope, and dreams, and life in general—
being a single father is hard.

i managed to put one or two of them in time-out for a while but there's only so long you can leave a child alone before it becomes
abusive
i tried my best at sharing the responsibility once
let myself fall in love only to find that it's not just children that can be abused—adults can, too
when i left her, my children's behaviour became so severe i almost felt like they were the ones that were heartbroken
that girl made everything so much worse

sometimes i wonder if i'd have opted for abortion, had i known i was going to parent such savage diseases.
Kendal Anne Jul 2013
In Truth;
Should it matter what we really are? Or should we let our true colors shine?
Being held alive, but only in a straightjacket, learning you are bisexual?
Getting the doctors' notice that you are bipolar, or just being merely different?
Should we be ashamed, from the words that pass from behind each of our lips?
Should we simply hear the music, in which is played by the melody that you create by your own hands?
Should we repress out the truest of our colors so the rest of society cannot see the difference?

Dear Mika;
Say Goodbye; to the world you thought you lived in, to the world I thought I lived in
Where society was all strange, with no definite curve, without any hesitation from the ignorance
Now, the bitter and sour taste behind swollen tongues in disgust of what they only think they see
Spitting acid upon those they are lead to believe are sinners, disgraceful, and unrighteous
As they hold out a helping hand, disciplining to correct atrocious  mistakes they believe you made
But you are only human, and they peeled through the defenses of pride and confidence you had built up

Take a bow;
And say Farewell, to a society filled with leniency, with the hatred branded hearts breathing fire
In any other world youcould be the difference. To change the rankings of what is right, and what is wrong
But here, you have had to give up your defenses and to let go of the emotions that create this difference
Although society believes that there are two choices to be made, and you have chosen the incorrect side
All you can do is hold your head up higher than the rest, and have skin made of diamonds and steel
Because; it is as if the World wishes to believe that the molecules in your DNA strands are not the same, and gravity doesn't affect you any longer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo0kbHITxXo
Mika~ Any Other World

I got inspiration from listening to Any Other World by Mika. I realised while looking through comments, that many people around us judge the man by his orientation, and not by his music at all. Is this the world we really believe we live in?
Brandi the Brave Jul 2021
I didn't get as much attention from my parents as my two older siblings did. But I did win the hearts of both of my parents.
My dad loves me in the traditional sense the way a father can love his daughters and son. I may be the 3rd born. I am one of the middle children with my big brother. My dad always went to my cross country meets and defended my sanity to my mom every time.
My mom loved me by forcing me into a dress, with her cold gazes my way, her warm hugs, her night kisses on my cheek, her lectures, her timeouts when I was being sassy and her my way or the highway approach to disciplining me and my siblings. I chose to be gentle, loving, caring and selfless because I saw the darkness inside my mom at a young age. I have a good, dysfunctional family. My brother may have an ego, a no judgement approach to life, wants everyone to be his friend, selfless, gentle and loving. My big sister the oldest of my siblings and my little sister the youngest of my siblings both chose to be judgemental, cold to those they hate, warm to those they love, having anger issues, always cool and collected by calculating their next move in life. I learned to be fearless, stubborn, full of surprises, unpredictable, out-spoken and stoic because that's how I thrived by being different from my sisters and mother. If nobody can read my motives then I can do whatever I want within reason without breaking the law. My big brother always cared too much about what anybody thought of him but he have always respected my choices, my creative lifestyle and me because I was always the rebel of the family.
Naomi Hurley Jul 2017
When I was
seven years old
I crept down our stairs
in the dark
it was just about midnight
on Christmas Eve
and I
wanted to catch Santa Claus
as he put presents
under our tree

When I was
fifteen years old
I laid on his bed
in the dark
it was in the evening
during the summer
and I
nervously waited for him
to shove his *****
inside of me

I hid
near the fireplace
anxiously awaiting an arrival
hands clenched into tight fists
giddy with anticipation
waiting in the dark

I spread
open my legs
feeling pressured and defeated
the TV blared so that
his mom wouldn't hear
my hands clenched into tight fists
I didn't want to touch him
but I
waited in the dark

I didn't see Santa Claus
instead
it was my parents
shoveling presents under
our tree
my verbal exclamation of shock
and betrayal
led to them disciplining me
for sneaking around
in the dark

I didn't look at him
instead
my eyes wandered around
his room
gazing at the guitars and
posters and
the closet and
even the TV
he ******* and
left me there, cold
in the dark

At school,
I told all of my friends
that Santa Claus wasn't real
I wanted everyone to know
the counselor pulled me aside
and said that it wasn't fair
for me to take this
from the other kids
it wasn't right
it wasn't my place
"Let them stay innocent
a little while longer."

I didn't want anyone to know
when I lost
my virginity
tears bubbling at my waterline,
I looked at myself
in disgust
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't right.
It wasn't his place.
Except there was no counselor
for me to speak to
only the sound
of water droplets
falling
as I cried in the shower

I thought that
I lost my innocence
when I found out
that Santa Claus wasn't
real.

But
this IS real
and hurts
so
much
more.
Don Bouchard Sep 2016
Kathy Charmaz suggests that if
Grounded Theory leaves me stuck,
I ought to add an "ing" to all the memos
Of all the field notes of the scratch notes of the observations,
and the transcribed notes of the interviews
That I took a half a year ago,
And so....

I'm creating a list,
Starting with A
Accepting (criticism)
Adapting (to change)
Attending (to lessons)
Attributing (blame)
Attributing (success)

Skipping B
Which seems all alone,
I move to the Cs,
With a heart of cold stone....

Caring (from teacher)
Changing (to learn)
Collaborating (in learning)
Comparing (with others)
Connecting (key concepts, and ideas to life)
Correcting (one's errors in deeds or in thoughts)
Conferencing (to see what the good doctor thinks)
(Guess the Cs are nice to look at in my despair),

And on toward Ds,
Those diffident dogs,
Dialoguing (in classrooms, in memos and calls)
Differentiating (myself from the pack)
Disrespecting (my feet up on somebody's desk)
Dominating....(discussion in class or the hall)
(Careful, Ds, talk it out or you're gonna fall).

Es are Encouraging (the work can be done),
Enjoying (the tasks, alone or with you)
Engaging the students, (not too much to ask)
Excelling (the sense of, and actually, too)
(My sense is that E is a place to be dwelling)

F is still Focusing (on the specifics)
Then jumping to G,
Goal-setting (so needed, and powerful, too)
Graduating (the goal, so I've heard, how 'bout you?)

Then H is for Humor,
Amusing for sure,

And on to the I
Interacting (dialogue is our guide)
Identifying (the needs and the shame and the pride)

J stands with K,
Both empty and alone,

L is for Learning (adjusting in change)

M is for Modeling (Bandura's so proud)

N stands for "none" at the moment,
But O is for Organizing, (homework and my thoughts)
And P is Participating, (profs like this a lot)
Paying forward, (so noble, and so seldom done)
Persisting, (not quitting, as losers have done)
And Plagiarizing (May God help us all)
Praying, (we live through the work set before us)
Prioritizing, and
Finally, Progressing (Can we sing all in chorus?)

Q's pretty quiet just now,
But R is for Reading, and
Reflecting, (like mirrors or a pond)
Resigning, (accepting) or consider this,
Risking (daring to risk)

While S, Lovely S is all about Self,
Self-advocating (students)
Self-assessing, (too)
Self-deprecating, (but not much)
Self disciplining, (cool)
Self-motivating, (how often?)
Self-regulating, (we all should do this)
And last, some Struggling proceeds
Before we find ourselves Succeeding.

T is Threatening, (a sense of foreboding)
Teaching, (is harder under a threat)
Transitioning, (moving on, before we all rust)
Trying, (not tempting, but taking a try)
Tutoring, (If you need it, don't cry)

And U
Is alone with the flu.

So is V (guess it's viral),
But W's Writing, (the goal in this study, of course)

And so far,
X, Y, and Z
Are still hiding, no Ings in their view,
And it's back to my coding,
After I get back from the loo.
Reviewing the gerunds rising from my notes....
gwen Sep 2016
this feeling of emptiness,
this state of being,
isn’t a conflict between feeling dead and alive.
it’s more an ethereal, metaphysical
sensation of not really being here.

in the past two years I’ve changed identities more often
than I have had the chance to find out whether the mould fits.
I’m adaptable, for sure.
disciplining my thoughts and personalities
towards serving productive ends.
I know how to give people the me they want -
the happy, loving, family me;
the productive, efficient, smart me;
the me that’s gotten her **** together;
the me who has her life in order.
but I feel amorphous.
shapeless.
less and less
anthropomorphic.

less and less
concretely human.

as I focus on the tangible accomplishments,
on numbers and approving looks.
as I condition myself in a certain way
to succeed, I feel like I’m losing
something concretely human.
an element of constancy
in my personality, a key indicator of
concrete humanness.
it’s not that I’m spineless -
I know how
the world values the opinionated, the fiercely independent.
I just feel

faceless.

shapeless. no identity. no humanness.
no concrete indicator that
I’m actually here, in the real world.
that me existing as me - whoever she is -
counts for something.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2018
just one song...
nothing more...

   soulfly's...

tribe...
  
             nothing more...
honestly nothing
more...

  there's nothing
to counter
with...

really...
   i'm guiding
Aztec pyramids...
to counter
the European fascination
with
the Egyptian
exposes...

  don't mind me...
i feel,
slightly bored...
like...
i feel bored,
having to wesr sunglasses,
because,
i'd prefer to see the moon,
and no star apparent...

why am i wearing sunglasses
in the night?
   i don't like seeing stars...
i prefer seeing only
the moon at night...
like i might watch the pristine sky
of azure during thje day
and only one star...
i'm sure i won't see as many moons during
the day,
as i see as many stars during the night!

you, have, a, "problem"
with me wearing sunglasses
during the night?
well...
i have a problem to boot
to counter yours...
how about you keep your
culture to your people
and let them entertain /
enjoy it...
  unless of course...
your people are tired of
entertaining / enjoying it?
maybe it's the latter...
   given?
sure as **** i'm tired of
entertaining
what this culture entertains
as a byproduct,
         mediocre;
but nonetheless requiring
to be, "respected"...
so the elite of other cultures
is to be deemed...
wait... wait...
our cultural mediocre is
to be deemed superior
of foreign culture's elitism?
really?!

          no...
sign me up for dying the death
of a pauper,
than agreeing to that
sort of *******!

i'd be a son god with my
hair coloring among
the Aztecs...
  
  but among my whittle
privy assorts,
i'd be an esteeming
social climber...

death the pauper among
the dreams of man,
as man: the hoping depth of dream,
in the reality of death...

but he, the Englishman
man, can first, dictate,
his, "rights"...
in Rochdale...
    start there...
then work your way down...
otherwise?
sh.... ut...  the... ****...
                                       up!
savvy?!

you dictate where i tell you
to dictate...
you don't tell me
what i am, and am not to do...
when you made it,
so apparent...
your women
agree to first,
notably girls...
and you... "defiantly" nod and
approve to...

                  no...
i've been told what i am
and what i am not supposed
to do or what i am supposed
to not do...

           you didn't have
this discussion with a ****
last time i heard...
           have the discussion you
had with me,
next time you... pretend to have it
with one of your former colonial
bull-whips...
                    o.k.?!

good...
well!
  apparently a former colonialists
requires
to know what a colonial power-grip
feels like...
apparently the whip has become dry...
it's almost like...
the ******* are fetish frenzied
culminating in a starving
experience!
                   even if they asked:
i wouldn't enjoy the ******* role
of a colonialist...
   i'd "enjoy" the whole affair...
as i'd weep...
   striking an animal...
   i mean... smacking a dog...
i couldn't imagine myself
hitting a dog, disciplining it...
but with regards to hitting a human?
i just might entertain sifting through
counters, equivalent to qualms.
growingpains Dec 2017
There's power to the almost
To the action of leaning in but containing yourself enough to avoid
There's power to letting go
To prioritizing what's rightful,
Instead of focusing on what felt wrong
To put your feelings aside,
To focus on disciplining your mind
There's power to not allowing yourself to even imagine it
To soak up all the knowledge acquired through time and its period
And rather than act as a hero, to dodge the bullet
Monisha Jun 2021
1.     January- Patience

Patience is difficult,
Not attainable,
Elusive,
Far away,
Doesn’t come easy,
I need it
I wait for it
Patiently.
  
2.     Feb- Uncertainty

Uncertainty is a reality
I can’t run away from it
I can’t not accept it
I can’t let it not flow in my world within and out
I can be aware of it
I can accept it
I can let it be
I can let it go…
Uncertainty is certain.
  
3.     Mar- Hope

Hope is knowing that dawn is near
Hope is knowing that winter turns into spring
Hope is that I can get up every time I fall
Hope is in moments that count and blessings that surmount
Hope is in smiles, in holding hands and in every breath
Hope is life.

4.    April- Exhaustion

Exhaustion is in my exhale
Exhaustion is in yearning for silence
Exhaustion is numbing
Exhaustion is mental, emotional, physical
Exhaustion is losing the wind beneath my wings
Exhaustion is starting all over again, yet again
Exhaustion is in giving- giving- giving without a pause
Exhaustion is need for a pause…

5.     May- Self Love

Self love is life’s elixir
It’s a tribute to my existence
Its what I owe my being
Its love that unifies and makes me love others
More fully, more authentically, more truly
Self love is in my yoga
Self love is in my evolution
And embracing it fully
Self love is indulgent and also disciplining
Its non judgmental and inspirational
Self love is what I am most loyal too.

6.     June- Anxiety

Anxiety is mirroring those closest with anxiety
And compounding it
Losing it
It’s a struggle.
Its real
It's not a happy space
It settles with a pause, with distancing
With distracting and with facing head on.
Anxiety- Real, Tangible, alive
Anxiety- needs strategies, needs to be tamed.

7.     July- Friendship

Friendship is real and authentic
It’s not in years
It’s not in agendas
It’s not in plans
It’s in  real conversations
Real sharing
Real giving
Real taking
Really the answer.
It makes us be better than we are
It lets us be the way we are
I have so many friends and each one
Has a different place on the ship.
This ship is traveling somewhere from nowhere
Friendship- Real and thriving…  

8.     August- Rest

Rest is cuddles
Rest is deep breaths
Rest is pause
Rest is a cup of coffee and my kindle
Rest is silence
I need rest…

9.     September- Vitality

Vitality is buoyant
It is springy
It is “lets do it”
It is karma
It is action
Vitality is on
Vitality flows
Vitality is excitement and energy
Vitality  is throbbing
It is  life and being alive

10.  October- Peace

Peace is alignment of mind body and soul
Peace is calm
Peace is within and around
Peace is a choice
Peace is facing problems and resolving them
Peace is active
Peace is my succour
Peace is OM.

11.  November- The future

The future is hope filled
It's what I patiently contribute to
In the present
It's my acceptance of uncertainity
Its evolving


12.  Dec - I am

I am a butterfly woman
A spirit child
Unfolding, evolving, nurturing,
Resilient, strong, capable
Magical, Sparkling and real
I am the wanderer and wonderer
I am dawn each day!

- MSD January 2021
Back to writing - 2020 was a lull but left me with loads of words.
Michael LoMonaco Aug 2016
Dread of losing haunts my fantasies,
Terrified of where destiny leads me.

Will my goals reach the top of the hill,
Or fall while trying to find my path?

My quest cannot predict the future,
It’s a guideline that will lead to my journey.

Disciplining myself through determination,
Trying to climb the mountain of dreams.

Fighting challenges in this war on failing,
Combating the obstacles of life’s adversities.

Soaring to the cliff with the aim to prevail,
Driven by the soul to achieve pure victory.

Finally reaching the top of the high peak,
Success has conquered the fear of failure.
You see today I saw a lady named Helen who
I helped out at vinnies way back in 2000 to 2005 and it was great to see her after all these years, you see I was trying to fit in with the other people my age
And I was fighting with my parents and Helen who was like a third parents to me
And there were times when I fought with dad and Helen said
Don't worry everything should be alright and I know she knew nothing about the fight but she showed she cares and I walked home and dad was still upset with my behaviour and unaware
That I spoke with Helen started
Disciplining me about how I acted, dad said we are trying to help you but all I was thinking about them trying to stand in
The way of the future
You see Helen is the reason I  am trying to help people and
She is also the reason why I have all these ideas on how to help the poor and she allowed me to be Santa Claus in her store and she said she will make ginger bread men for me to hand our to the children. She maybe broke a few rules there but I was given a chance to prove to everyone including Rowena that I like kids
And I ain't that bad kid chaser of my past
And yes, it worked, I did a lot of things at vinnies back in those days, work wise and going to vinnies every day gave me confidence in my future job at Ainslie village, but I learnt about what helping people involved at that place because it isn't as simple as waving a magic wand
And all poor people are saved
It requires a lot of work
And Helen's voice is in my head when I was given all these jobs
But I crashed and burned in the psych ward twice 2004 and
2013 and Helen in my head got
Me through that
You see I was remembering her
Positive attitude she gave to every customer at vinnies
She helped lyndy chamberlain
Through her ordeal with her daughter and I am suffering in ways now because I want to help people but my past of before I met Helen came back because I need a card that my past doesn't except
But I know that people are learning a lot from my art and writing and I will go with that
And Helen really helped me
She got me past my idea when
Young people are supposed to be messy and drink coke
I still am messy and drink coke
But I am careful
I don't want diabetes
Thanks Helen and dad
Be Betty and enjoy it
Robert Ronnow Aug 2015
Something created. Does the creator think ahead
or spill a storm. Rain happens. We supply the
reasons. Evaporation of water collecting over
huge expanses, condensed and pushed as clouds
over the land. We say it makes us sad or depressed.
We want to cry.

You describe the America you know and if you
are ashamed of yourself for what you see, you lie.
Or don't look. Loud noises of automobiles and
fumes. Today in Riverside Park, leaning on a rail,
the dead leaves and snow reminded me how far
from nature and life I am. The snow blew
in from the west. People passed in a smooth
slow line in front of me. Dogs trailing one
another. People hiding until crises bring them
out. Their dog smells another dog between the legs.
The master runs over to stop him. Maybe he
thinks they're going to fight. Doesn't want his
big German shepherd to hurt her dachshund.

Guy runs past in gray sweats on his tip-toes.
Glances at me. Another passes in blue sweats. Looks
longer. They think I'm a mugger. They are not
sexually attracted. I'm an opponent. I want something
they have. I look surly. Why aren't I out
running, disciplining myself, making myself healthy,
doing something. What brings you out here. You're not
doing anything but watching us and staring at the ground.

            Walking down Broadway I realized I've never lived here and still don't. Two women window shopping is strange to me. They talk about the clothes. They are friends. I slow down, I don't feel so cold. Stroll, looking at people is like a sunny day and it's a carnival. Streets different in different weather. Rainy nights are good. Cold rainy nights. Bars filled and warm. Streets empty and cold. People pass and look as members of a fraternity. They need someone and don't hide it. They will try anyone out for one night. They have tea together. They go for a drink in some neutral place. They go straight to bed in the dark. They can't see the face.
www.ronnowpoetry.com
Claire Rose May 2016
I think it’s time to stop worrying.
I’ve been consumed with fear,
with thoughts of having the floor drop out from under me,
with memories of that day.
you don’t remember that day like I do.
but here’s the thing-
I’m giving too much to the future.
I’m stealing from my present moments.
they might be the only ones I get to keep,
and they deserve more than to be spent fearing an uncertain future. here’s how I see it.
the best way for me to be okay
is to take this in its simplest form.
what I know for sure-
these are the **** facts, nothing else-
is that I have openness with you.
I have found a very distinctive,
very pure happiness
and I am lucky to have found it.
I’m going to keep it
for as long as it will stay with me.
does that mean I don’t catch myself
wanting the complicated, tangled mess of feelings
that would knock me down in a heartbeat given the chance?
No, I want it.
I’m human, I’m selfish and needy
and I’ve found something wonderful
that I want to keep.
I am practicing my self-control,
for better or worse.
I am practicing disciplining myself,
for better or worse.
without them I would’ve kissed you already.
Riot Jul 2015
a family is as strong as the disciplining hand of their parents. don’t coddle your children.

a family is as weak as the desciplining hand of their parents. **don’t abuse your children.
many a december twenty forth gone by,
   whence wisp of carolers ghosts hauntingly adorn
remembrance of sum...
   er things passed along tummy
   from ma late ma alm

   compunction eruption viz:
fruition, gumption interruption
   sans redemption how became re: born
whereby this pop -
   bleary eye lids ready to droop

   with his tired bones snapping
   and popping like jimmy crack corn
an immediate need to succumb to sleep
   found me transfixed how blessings did a dorn
mine attention riveted at shrouded foghorn
echoing...choing...hoing

   never knowing hands of time didst flap
matthew scott harris,
   who yawned avast cingular gap
countless decades swallowed un hap
pulley lost soul within early
   twenty something years

   devoid of inner GPS to help map
and guide this stricken n fore lorn future pap
though the hour
   (at time this got written) nsync kin rap
pa head lee well nigh

   closing in on six in the morn
   way before synapses snap
crackle and pop,
   whereby the sage within mine psyche

   waving a finger - tsk tsk - with mild scorn
for forgoing to bed, yet...
   a powerful tsunami like force arose up
   when viewing the account of how tara - blank -
   became rent asunder and torn
from an terrible accident of fate -
   though a miraculous recovery now worn.

now fast forward to recent past
receding extremely fast
as if powered by remnant cosmic blast
resulting in avast

blurred montage flickr ring
   exercise regimen of running plus lifting weights -
   perhaps so many reps of a curl
finds me applauding, huzzahing,
   and praising daughter's efforts...so you go girl

with all inner strength pell mell into fitness:
   disciplining molding, sculpting- yar body hurl
   testing your limits to the max
   whether across busy urban streets or...
   where landscape offers open space with pearl
jam skies - in outlying less populated tracts -
   giving freedom to dance n twirl.

ye r so lucky tubby alive
cuz immediate family, friends, relatives
   and now...this strange papa gives u high five
without asking anything in return -
   since inspiration courses thru me

   inducing thyself to strive
and/ or if when fate decrees,
   thee will make an awesome counterpart
   who this older papa bloke would envy
   as ye possess inxs of strength to re:vive.
----------------------------------
blessing for sound health

upon waking every morning I offer
silent benediction for the ability
to revel with full faculty of this aging body
still going strong where ability sans,

enjoying the simple pleasures
available thru ****** senses
plus cavorting, flirting,
identifying simple pleasures
in my nonsensical mien "inner child"

Woolworth more than money can buy
yet of course if I did happen
to be a lucky lottery winner
could definitely relief anxiety and allow
me to breathe easy yet,
never do justice pitted against robust
body, mind and spirit triage.
wake me
               shake me
out of this febrile trance
furtively pilfering my
heart's ancient treasure
once guarded
by comforting spirits
of warm hopes and
beliefs held beyond reason

never questioned
by the minds tribunal
the jurors seated
in the cranial court
knowing eyes silenced
by misguided faith's rhetoric

never minding
the persuasive muzzle
often ignoring serpent's
retractable tongue
always turning from
the dark corridors
light banished
by modern-day pharisees

cloaked in mantles of treason
patronizingly diluting
what can only remain pure
painted with pious platitudes

away
         far away
i must sail from this folly
an orphan of mystical doubt
the frost and cold tempest I feel

cautious sensibilities
a tenuous guide
through these gray
realms I traverse
                      
trembling hands
grasp transient hopes
striving to shape
deeper meaning

disciplining lazy
traditional beliefs
that hang on like
phosphorescent
spiders in the dusty
lofty
rafters of memory

deceptive iconic silhouettes
faded       de-spiritualized
superimposed on a
human-made landscape
a beautiful picture
gold frame and all!

absence of religious
pop-culture faith
eclipses peace
i shudder at the prospect
of this purge
preparing for burial
what must die
the end of an age
burned in effigy

a raging wilderness
I now pass through
i stumble by many
a familiar and
unfamiliar fane
longing to be clothed
with a mantle of peace
                    
a vulnerable yet
strong spirit I guard
let not trivialized faith be
my misleading guide

and if it is all meaningless
alas! it may be
still I must forge
ahead to the sea
ever mindful that rivers
never return to where
they have been
separated at birth

i often hear roaring waves
crashing and gentler waves
lapping on shore
but a body of water
is not always the Sea.
©2024 Daniel Irwin Tucker
Matthew Sep 2018
this is about confronting internal fears in the physical experience
this is about strength and courageousness
this is about opening your heart to love
this is about clarifying your logical mind to a point
where it is no longer clouded by your own ego
this is about disciplining the physical body
fine tuning it
this is about creating high frequency energetic balance
in your spiritual body, your logical mind,  and your physical body.
this is about how to create your merkba.
#forgottenwisdom
The tension in my third eye is unbearable
Most of you could never relate.
But my understanding of the universe is comparable
to the phrase "you've got to much on your plate"

I've taken it upon myself to Remove emotional chains
To let go of anger and hate and to release all of my pains.

I've decided to open my mind
No longer will judgment dwell there.
I am still looking for what I will find
When I learn what it means to truly care.

I want a meanfull life, to live how I want
I want to balance my thoughts and never give up
I want to offer love and warmth a Godly presence
I want to be a person of large reverence.

I am doing the work I am disciplining my mind.
i am reading and studying, quieting time.
I am attempting and failing soon I will find,
A warm place inside me that is all mine.

But the tension in my body is unbearable.
The energy coursing through me is comparable
To a spicket that is set on full
I've opened my eyes and ripped off the wool.

I want to live Consciously
No More Impulsive Instinct.
xmxrgxncy Mar 2018
I never lied as a kid.
I was the one everyone knew would take little to no disciplining, the one who was born mature.
How I let myself go, how I let myself change to accomodate someone in a negative way, I will never know.
And perhaps I'll never forgive myself.
I could never hate any of the people who illicited bad experiences in my life, simply because they've made me into a stronger person.
But complaining that I never did enough, that I've permeated your life in a negative way when we don't even talk, it makes no sense.
I'm not actively seeking to hurt anyone. I don't even talk to you anymore.
The difference is, I'm not a child anymore like I was when I knew you.
I don't care anymore.
People who can't get over the past, those who hold onto it and complain about it without actually trying to fix it, those are the people I will never give the time of day.
How could someone unwilling to make themself better for someone else's sake and for their own sake be appealing to speak to? To laugh with? To cry with?
They drag people down.
And I finally care about myself enough to root out the ones who need work. And I don't feel guilty.
I'm growing self esteem.
And the lies have expired.
For good.
How?

How will I forget you?
How far have I gone?
That I can't see my back
I'm not such a blind driver,
That drives without looking at his mirrow...
On a narrow road,
Thinking to arrive safely...

Do you think that I forget you,
Your face,
Walking
And thoughts in class....

If I forget everything,
Methinks these would not be forgotten....

Don't you think I'm that a child?
That remembers his mother's caring
in the day and night...
Hes efforts in disciplining him,
Her responses to his cries

open your ears and hear me!
I still see you in my hearts
With both good and bad image
We don't talk but you are in my mind

Know that the tree you watered
Is spreading its roots,
Products,
And shades in the world...

I'm still grateful

By Muhammad Auwal Ibrahim
I am grateful to my teachers
Joseph Fernandez Dec 2022
Imbalanced and unequal are many times the uncertain paths we mistakenly travel in this life.
Cutting us down at different junctions, it appears as with a jagged edged knife.

Which way will I next swerve, so as to forge straight ahead?
And will my sleep once more be lost as I swim in my sweat soaked bed?

Decisions, decisions at every turn.
Which way has the best lesson, that I may beneficially learn?

From where will I get the answers to this lopsided existence?
It seems whats right is wrong, and what’s wrong is right, with each day comes another 24 hours of dizzying persistence.

Up is down, and down is up.
They say it’s always better when you see things not as half empty, but a half full cup.

The fatal maneuver is to fool yourself into thinking that all is too far gone.
Because things sometimes do not change for their brightest, right up until the very end of dawn.

A crooked line will be made straight only if we use a good measure of faith.
Sometimes our prayers ascending will not be answered till we are at
10 to the power of the eighty eighth…

Life’s asymmetry is a battle of fact.
Compounded by a world that is utterly abstract.
Best we all read his words of wisdom, so as to stay on track.


12/22
J.I.F.


Proverbs 2:6
6 For Jehovah himself gives wisdom; From his mouth come knowledge and discernment.

2 Timothy 3:16,17
16 All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness,  17 so that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.

Isaiah 41:10
10 Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.
Salmabanu Hatim Nov 2018
Even the neighbours can shower you with love,
But the parents teach you what is right from wrong by scolding you,  punishing you and disciplining you,
It is because they love you.
Travels

Our soul and our bodies are always traveling

Two feet stirring up the gravel

As your mind plots the next stop

As the Judge in you Bangs his Gavel.

Disciplining your self too harshly

Yet not excepting redirections

At times you are a fire

A flame that emits light and within such

Reflections.

The pool to cool the anger boils up

Better cool down before the steam causes your bottled ego to explode.

A rocket to the stars

Out of Control

Your wreckage is a battered soul that starts to implode.
Joseph Fernandez Oct 2023
Information, information everywhere you go...
Still, many millions haven't a real clue, unfortunately, they refuse to know?

Touch the screen and up comes every useless statistic you ever wanted…
Still life in general is no better off, the majority are perplexed, they are in a collapsed state, yes, mentality daunted.

Is learning all things THIS world has to offer the paramount goal in life?
Sometimes too many details is a double edged sword, ultimately dismembering your spirituality, like a razor sharp knife...

It is written, to be innocent as doves but cautious as serpents, said Jesus Christ our heavenly master.
Without question, he was guiding us away quite possibly from our irrevocable disaster…

Many things are advantages but not necessarily beneficial.
Perhaps because what this worlds "knowledge" has to offer is mostly artificial...

When it comes to information, the TRUTH of any matter is only that which is entirely needed.
This a sure protection from ever letting ourselves get too cerebrally depleted...

Only God above has every correct answer as to what is really worthwhile.
This information only, will make all the difference, the day we individually go on trial.



J.I.F.



Ecclesiastes 12:10-13

10 The congregator sought to find delightful words and to record accurate words of truth. 11 The words of the wise are like oxgoads, and their collected sayings are like firmly embedded nails; they have been given from one shepherd.  12 As for anything besides these, my son, be warned: To the making of many books there is no end, and much devotion to them is wearisome to the flesh. 13 The conclusion of the matter, everything having been heard, is: Fear the true God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole obligation of man.

1 Corinthians 6:12

12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are advantageous. All things are lawful for me, but I will not let myself be controlled by anything.

John 17:3

3 This means everlasting life, their coming to know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ.

Matthew 10:16

16 Look! I am sending you out as sheep among wolves; so prove yourselves cautious as serpents and yet innocent as doves.

2 Timothy 3:16,17

16 All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness,  17 so that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.

Psalms 96:12,13

12 Let the fields and everything in them rejoice. At the same time let all the trees of the forest shout joyfully 13 Before Jehovah, for he is coming, He is coming to judge the earth. He will judge the inhabited earth with righteousness And the peoples with his righteousness.
CC Nov 2020
To take out the trash
Is a dance of habit
To the rhythm of life
Mundanity may seem like punishment
When it is in fact desire
To distract you from sadness
To exact your madness into disciplining
Unnoticeable and small
The moment you move to its small formations
Without rushing you will whistle
While hardships become oxygen
Gravity becomes your tool
Another rotation and you rise
Your life is all at once brighter
Joseph Fernandez Oct 2023
From the moment we enter into motion of time.
We ask ourselves questions that demand logical reason and rhyme…

We acutely have an intricate sense of our intellectual awareness.
Our thoughts racing night and day, our thirst to know, is limitlessly relentless…

Time seems to vanish, while all the while gracefully appearing…
It moves with moments ever so puzzling, as we endure in our daily battles, teaching us what is in fact, persevering…

We ponder the future that is yet to come?
Also we think deeply of this, where did everything come from?

Time, are you giving us more?
Perhaps we can run out and get additional years, and stuff you away in some mental drawer?

Alas, that isn’t the way it is to be.
Time you have no capture, you are unbound, and your will is utterly free...

The reality, we look in the mirror and what do we see?
Time you have been all along charging us each day, incrementally...

Time you are there on every of life’s occasion.
You are holding us prisoner with your preciseness of ticking, in our entire existents equation.

Time, I wonder do you really care?
Please do not leave me in such broken despair.
Answer me, and please with compassion be complete, as well as insightful, otherwise my next breath will be lacking sufficient air…

Time, because in all life’s past you’ve been present, and will be there to greet infinity’s future you should know where the answers are found, so for me this once please
propound…

Times personified reply:

The answers you seek
I personally know not, however I will tell you where you may with all confidence look.
It is my advanced understanding, they have always been written down in his one and only authentic book.



J.I.F.



Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
There is an appointed time for everything, A time for every activity under the heavens:  2 A time for birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what was planted; 3 A time to **** and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to wail and a time to dance; 5 A time to throw stones away and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away; 7 A time to rip apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak; 8 A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

2 Peter 1:21
21 For prophecy was at no time brought by man’s will, but men spoke from God as they were moved by Holy Spirit.

Daniel 12:4
4 As for you, Daniel, keep the words secret, and seal up the book until the time of the end. Many will rove about, and the true knowledge will become abundant.”

Revelation 11:18
18 But the nations became wrathful, and your own wrath came, and the appointed time came for the dead to be judged and to reward your slaves the prophets and the holy ones and those fearing your name, the small and the great, and to bring to ruin those ruining the earth.

2 Timothy 3:16,17
16 All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness,  17 so that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.
I accompany my dark shadow...
(many hours before edge of night,
where twilight zone evokes night gallery),
and resumed walking a circuit
around perimeter of parking lot
today, a breezy temperate
twenty fifth of April two thousand
and twenty two, and perhaps
if regularly habituate myself
to said stroll physical endeavors
may one day find me to cantor or trot.

Yours truly realized modus operandi
to kombat (mortal) lethargy;
last year, he did stride rite
around resident parking lot area
(here at Highland Manor apartments)
then usually at approximately
19:00 hours each day
casually bumbling and ambling
one lap after another
counting one hundred and one,
one hundred and two,
one hundred and three...
coordinated with deep breathing
to distract self from repetitiveness.

Modicum of walking exercise
benefits this sexagenarian
in tandem yours truly began
burning ghee (my slang for calories)
while maintaining sitting position
placing each foot in strap
and pedalling lightweight machine
against adjusted tension.

Aside from strengthening leg muscles
choosing to while away time
by disciplining myself with former or latter,
both modes of physical fitness
also help keep anguish at bay
mental duress triggered
courtesy of property management
constituting: Zoftig, the warden
and maintenance man,
(a recent hire),
the first two whose invisible clutches

asphyxiate me and the missus
hounding us to keep
one bedroom apartment in shipshape order
and particularly to wipe away fruit fly feces
(cuz exterminator informed us
said itty bitty teeny weeny insect
breeds within their
yellowish gummy waste matter)
prompting us to Google search
senior low income apartment facilities,
spurring spurious query wondering
whether any anonymous reader
might be able, eager, ready and willing
to hand over keys to main lodging
including carriage house,
we would even settle for a dog house
or (in a manor of writing) Yukon
assign access rights to an excellent outlook.

Sense and sensibility concerning
the emotional fallout
brought about by sedentariness
(essentially affecting me to feel
glum, melancholy, and ruminative)
helped goad generic indigent solitary man
(practically self quarantined
his whole mucked up adult life)
hence not inconvenienced
when coronavirus COVID-19
wrought havoc and mayhem.

Just on the cusp of experiencing joie de vivre,
the triumvirate of Crooks and Quade
figuratively swoop down
to announce re: inspection
of apartment unit B44
whenever they deem appropriate.

Thus series of unfortunate events
(linkedin with bull limey
Lemony Snicket bro)
got sidelined nsync with
contracting a minor bout
with deadly Amish Flu
symptoms found garden variety
reasonable rhymer
bedridden feeling a little horse and buggy (ha),
incapacitated to craft signature poetry writing.

An honest to dog confession
regarding hiatus spewing forth
vociferous versatile vocabulary
mine words - worth their weight in gold
(told woofer I do not know), nevertheless
included perusing a gamut of reading material.

The passion to engross intellect
witnessed courtesy immersing
attention, concentration, excitation
gratification, intoxication;
knowledge prized more precious
than fine spun gold.

Likewise crafting (albeit painstakingly)
elusive notions that flit
to and fro hither and yon
(analogous to ping pong ball)
within parameters of
microscopically crenellated
sixty plus shades of gray matter
also constitutes fervent interest.
preservationman May 2023
It all starts at birth
Nurturing thereafter
Disciplining right from wrong
Teaching the child to how to get along
It includes having respect
Upbringing in effect
It all surrounds the welfare of the child
Endless daily chores while
No time limits
Plenty of sacrifice
Mother’s advice
Always on call
Being a true Mom even when a child makes a fall
Attending a Child’s personal events
The times together
Hard knocks like no other
Mother instincts
Proud moment when the child grows up to become a Man or Lady
Smart and witty
Once the child is on its own
A Mother’s job is complete
A Mother must let go
The child will become the product for the world to see
The child’s walk of responsibility
The end result of reality

— The End —