"disciplining" poems
HATE BEING THE ONE THAT HAS TO BEHAVE
YOU SEE, I KNOW MY BROTHER IS ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT HE WANTS
BUT I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I SAY, SOMETIMES I AM JUST BEING COOL
I HATE PEOPLE TELLING ME I HAVE TO BE GOOD, LIKE MY PERFECT FAMILY
IT’S HARD TO DISCIPLINED TO, JUST BECAUSE, I MUCKED WITH THE OLD FOGIES
I HATE, HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A TOTAL AND UTTER LOSER
YOU SEE, WHY DO PEOPLE TRY AND DISCIPLINE ME, I FIND IT HARD
LIKE I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I HATED DADS DISCIPLINE RULE
I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I AM A NICE PERSON
YOU SEE, IF I GOOF UP, I AM TOLD, I HAVE NO MATES ANYMORE
ALL BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING OUT OF LINE
I KNOW MY BROTHER HAS A WIFE AND KIDS, AND WAS COOL
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE, PEOPLE ONLY LIKING ME
IF I BEHAVE, CAUSE I AM COOL, MAN, THE COOLEST DUDE IN CANBERRA
I HATE WHEN I HEAR THE VOICES BE LIKE US, WHEN I EXPRESS MYSELF OVER THE WEB
YOU SEE, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE NICE, I AM A COOL AND REGULAR GUY
I DESERVE TO BE LIKED, I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKED FOR BEING PATHETIC, NO WAY
I HAD VOICES FROM THE PARANORMAL, YA SEE I AM A NICE COOL PERSON
WHY CAN’T I ENJOY THINGS, JUST BECAUSE I ****** OFF PEOPLE
I FEEL IF I SEE THESE PEOPLE, THEY WILL SAY TO ME, I WAS WRONG
BUT I HATE BEING DISCIPLINED, PLEASE DON’T DISCIPLINE ME
I AM 45, AND I AIN’T COMMITTING ANY CRIMES, I AM STILL SEEING THESE DUDES
I USED TO GET DRUNK WITH, SOME WERE GOOD BLOKES
IT’S JUST THAT BACK THEN, I WASN’T PREPARED FOR OUR OUTINGS
I LIKE FOOTBALL, AND I LIKE GOING OUT HAVING FUN
AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD TO BEHAVE MYSELF I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE A NICE AND POLITE MAN
WHILE MY MATES CAN BE LEFT ALONE, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE
I HATE THAT MAN KEN, I HAVE TO BEHAVE FOR HIM
I CAN’T STAND BEHAVING FOR ANYONE, BEHAVING IS DUNB AND BEHAVING IS WRONG
I HATE CATHOLIC MORALS, AND I HATE DISCIPLINE, BUT I FEEL ONLY OLD FOGIES HAVE DISCIPLINE MORALS
I TRY AND BE GOOD, WHEN I GO OUT TO EVENTS, BUTB SOMETIMES IT’S HARD TO EXCEPT DISCIPLINE
CAUSE WHY CAN’T I JUST BE ALLOWED TO MAKE A BIT OF NOISE
I AM ON MEDICATION, YA SEE IT’S MY DESTINATION, I WANT TO BE HAPPY, SO I TAKE MEDICATION
I THOUGHT DAD WAS STARTING TO SEE MY WAY OF LIFE, YOU SEE, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A GOOD BOY
BEING A GOOD BOY DOESN’T WORK FOR ME
I WANT TO BE NORMAL, I WANT TO BE LIKED
I SING A SONG, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH BAZ BOY, CAUSE HE TRIED TO JUST THINK I LIKED DISCIPLINE
I HATE BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP, IF YOU WANT ME TO SHUT UP, I WILL NEVER SHUT UP, CAUSE, I FOLLOW MY OWN STYLE
WHICH IS FUN, I BELIEVE IN HAVING FUN WHEREVER I GO OUT INTO THIS WORLD
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN’T REALISE, I HATE DISCIPLINE, I DON’T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE I AM TOO WOOSEY FOR LIFE
I HATE BEING TOLD I HAVE TO BEHAVE, WHY DON’T YOU BEHAVE, YOU TELL ME TO BEHAVE, YOUR A TOTAL LOSER, BUDDY OLE BOY OLE CHUM OLE PAL
I AM GOING TO THE BOTANIC GARDENS TONIGHT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HANG WITH DISCIPLINE LOVING NERDS
I DON’T DO BEHAVING, OK I WILL NEVER DO BEHAVING, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE AN OLD FOGIE
I AM A COOL MIDDLE AGER, WHO LOVES TO PARTY
STOP DISCIPLINING ME, YA ****
OR I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 6:09 PM UTC
I didn't get as much attention from my parents as my two older siblings did. But I did win the hearts of both of my parents.
My dad loves me in the traditional sense the way a father can love his daughters and son. I may be the 3rd born. I am one of the middle children with my big brother. My dad always went to my cross country meets and defended my sanity to my mom every time.
My mom loved me by forcing me into a dress, with her cold gazes my way, her warm hugs, her night kisses on my cheek, her lectures, her timeouts when I was being sassy and her my way or the highway approach to disciplining me and my siblings. I chose to be gentle, loving, caring and selfless because I saw the darkness inside my mom at a young age. I have a good, dysfunctional family. My brother may have an ego, a no judgement approach to life, wants everyone to be his friend, selfless, gentle and loving. My big sister the oldest of my siblings and my little sister the youngest of my siblings both chose to be judgemental, cold to those they hate, warm to those they love, having anger issues, always cool and collected by calculating their next move in life. I learned to be fearless, stubborn, full of surprises, unpredictable, out-spoken and stoic because that's how I thrived by being different from my sisters and mother. If nobody can read my motives then I can do whatever I want within reason without breaking the law. My big brother always cared too much about what anybody thought of him but he have always respected my choices, my creative lifestyle and me because I was always the rebel of the family.
Jul 19, 2021
Jul 19, 2021 at 12:12 PM UTC
little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time
little girl, little girl, where did you go?
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed
you're already lost.
a.c.
Sep 13, 2013
Sep 13, 2013 at 7:26 AM UTC
If its not too much to ask
I think I'm ready to come back now
You probably have a stern lecture for me, a big season of disciplining is now in full force, I can feel it, I think.
Its all a big lesson.
Does that mean you chastize me? (Hebrews 12:6) Is it really a lesson of love rather than hate? Do you completely not like me anymore? Do you look down in shame on me? Am I off the book? Am I gone from your mind of loved ones? Please tell me you're still there and willing to get me back to the top of the mountain where I was before. Bring me back to the level of faith that I long to have again.
I don't want to know that I'm no longer a daughter but I'm afraid that is the current truth.
Everything feels so wrong. I have grown weary, I have grown so weak.
I have never resisted to the point of blood. This shames me beyond anything. Why! The fire has been put out and its all my fault. You were right all along, and I knew it, but I purposely chose to go the other way. Even your Word seems foreign now. What a bad season! I'm ruined. I'm gone. I have been living halfway and no way. I lost everything I had built in you. Help me and have mercy on me because I can't believe right now that you love me. I can't believe that your grace will take me back now. I can't believe it when all I've done was spit forgiveness in the face and throw away redemption and repentance to the wind. I'm done for, Lord take me back because there's no way I can do this on my own. There needs to be a revival and I have to come back to you, my heart feels so heavy.
And all I tried to do,
was see the best in you
Look where its gotten me.
Aug 16, 2010
Aug 16, 2010 at 11:20 AM UTC
lately all my illnesses have me feeling backed into corners,
i feel so trapped, weighed down by debt and regret
i have no escape; this is the way my life is doomed to play out
and oh how i wish this were all just some silly game gone too far because at least then it'd find its eventual end
but no mother is about to tell the children when enough is enough
to apologise
say "sorry"
for locking me in the closet,
for making me want to stay in bed and waste the days away,
for making me hate myself so much that i'm convinced my disorders are more sane than i am.
these children know no boundaries
and worst of all is that they're my own; i am incapable of disciplining them, of taking control—
there's a reason i never wanted kids in the first place,
their ***** little fingers plucking at my brain and soiling my house.
Depression is the oldest—i had him before i even realised he was mine
Anxiety was next, and suddenly i knew why people used the phrase "terrible two"
i found myself juggling twins without really knowing where they came from: Suicidalthoughts and Eatingdisorder
once, i nearly gave them all up
as well as hope, and dreams, and life in general—
being a single father is hard.
i managed to put one or two of them in time-out for a while but there's only so long you can leave a child alone before it becomes
abusive
i tried my best at sharing the responsibility once
let myself fall in love only to find that it's not just children that can be abused—adults can, too
when i left her, my children's behaviour became so severe i almost felt like they were the ones that were heartbroken
that girl made everything so much worse
sometimes i wonder if i'd have opted for abortion, had i known i was going to parent such savage diseases.
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 11:34 PM UTC
In Truth;
Should it matter what we really are? Or should we let our true colors shine?
Being held alive, but only in a straightjacket, learning you are bisexual?
Getting the doctors' notice that you are bipolar, or just being merely different?
Should we be ashamed, from the words that pass from behind each of our lips?
Should we simply hear the music, in which is played by the melody that you create by your own hands?
Should we repress out the truest of our colors so the rest of society cannot see the difference?
Dear Mika;
Say Goodbye; to the world you thought you lived in, to the world I thought I lived in
Where society was all strange, with no definite curve, without any hesitation from the ignorance
Now, the bitter and sour taste behind swollen tongues in disgust of what they only think they see
Spitting acid upon those they are lead to believe are sinners, disgraceful, and unrighteous
As they hold out a helping hand, disciplining to correct atrocious mistakes they believe you made
But you are only human, and they peeled through the defenses of pride and confidence you had built up
Take a bow;
And say Farewell, to a society filled with leniency, with the hatred branded hearts breathing fire
In any other world you, could be the difference. To change the rankings of what is right, and what is wrong
But here, you have had to give up your defenses and to let go of the emotions that create this difference
Although society believes that there are two choices to be made, and you have chosen the incorrect side
All you can do is hold your head up higher than the rest, and have skin made of diamonds and steel
Because; it is as if the World wishes to believe that the molecules in your DNA strands are not the same, and gravity doesn't affect you any longer
Jul 28, 2013
Jul 28, 2013 at 5:27 PM UTC
When I was
seven years old
I crept down our stairs
in the dark
it was just about midnight
on Christmas Eve
and I
wanted to catch Santa Claus
as he put presents
under our tree
When I was
fifteen years old
I laid on his bed
in the dark
it was in the evening
during the summer
and I
nervously waited for him
to shove his *****
inside of me
I hid
near the fireplace
anxiously awaiting an arrival
hands clenched into tight fists
giddy with anticipation
waiting in the dark
I spread
open my legs
feeling pressured and defeated
the TV blared so that
his mom wouldn't hear
my hands clenched into tight fists
I didn't want to touch him
but I
waited in the dark
I didn't see Santa Claus
instead
it was my parents
shoveling presents under
our tree
my verbal exclamation of shock
and betrayal
led to them disciplining me
for sneaking around
in the dark
I didn't look at him
instead
my eyes wandered around
his room
gazing at the guitars and
posters and
the closet and
even the TV
he ********** and
left me there, cold
in the dark
At school,
I told all of my friends
that Santa Claus wasn't real
I wanted everyone to know
the counselor pulled me aside
and said that it wasn't fair
for me to take this
from the other kids
it wasn't right
it wasn't my place
"Let them stay innocent
a little while longer."
I didn't want anyone to know
when I lost
my virginity
tears bubbling at my waterline,
I looked at myself
in disgust
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't right.
It wasn't his place.
Except there was no counselor
for me to speak to
only the sound
of water droplets
falling
as I cried in the shower
I thought that
I lost my innocence
when I found out
that Santa Claus wasn't
real.
But
this IS real
and hurts
so
much
more.
Jul 19, 2017
Jul 19, 2017 at 3:28 PM UTC
*this feeling of emptiness,
this state of being,
isn’t a conflict between feeling dead and alive.
it’s more an ethereal, metaphysical
sensation of not really being here.
in the past two years I’ve changed identities more often
than I have had the chance to find out whether the mould fits.
I’m adaptable, for sure.
disciplining my thoughts and personalities
towards serving productive ends.
I know how to give people the me they want -
the happy, loving, family me;
the productive, efficient, smart me;
the me that’s gotten her **** together;
the me who has her life in order.
but I feel amorphous.
shapeless.
less and less
anthropomorphic.
less and less
concretely human.
as I focus on the tangible accomplishments,
on numbers and approving looks.
as I condition myself in a certain way
to succeed, I feel like I’m losing
something concretely human.
an element of constancy
in my personality, a key indicator of
concrete humanness.
it’s not that I’m spineless -
I know how
the world values the opinionated, the fiercely independent.
I just feel
faceless.
shapeless. no identity. no humanness.
no concrete indicator that
I’m actually here, in the real world.
that me existing as me - whoever she is -
counts for something.*
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 9:49 AM UTC
just one song...
nothing more...
soulfly's...
tribe...
nothing more...
honestly nothing
more...
there's nothing
to counter
with...
really...
i'm guiding
Aztec pyramids...
to counter
the European fascination
with
the Egyptian
exposes...
don't mind me...
i feel,
slightly bored...
like...
i feel bored,
having to wesr sunglasses,
because,
i'd prefer to see the moon,
and no star apparent...
why am i wearing sunglasses
in the night?
i don't like seeing stars...
i prefer seeing only
the moon at night...
like i might watch the pristine sky
of azure during thje day
and only one star...
i'm sure i won't see as many moons during
the day,
as i see as many stars during the night!
you, have, a, "problem"
with me wearing sunglasses
during the night?
well...
i have a problem to boot
to counter yours...
how about you keep your
culture to your people
and let them entertain /
enjoy it...
unless of course...
your people are tired of
entertaining / enjoying it?
maybe it's the latter...
given?
sure as **** i'm tired of
entertaining
what this culture entertains
as a byproduct,
mediocre;
but nonetheless requiring
to be, "respected"...
so the elite of other cultures
is to be deemed...
wait... wait...
our cultural mediocre is
to be deemed superior
of foreign culture's elitism?
really?!
no...
sign me up for dying the death
of a pauper,
than agreeing to that
sort of ********
i'd be a son god with my
hair coloring among
the Aztecs...
but among my whittle
privy assorts,
i'd be an esteeming
social climber...
death the pauper among
the dreams of man,
as man: the hoping depth of dream,
in the reality of death...
but he, the Englishman
man, can first, dictate,
his, "rights"...
in Rochdale...
start there...
then work your way down...
otherwise?
sh.... ut... the... ****
up!
savvy?!
you dictate where i tell you
to dictate...
you don't tell me
what i am, and am not to do...
when you made it,
so apparent...
your women
agree to first,
notably girls...
and you... "defiantly" nod and
approve to...
no...
i've been told what i am
and what i am not supposed
to do or what i am supposed
to not do...
you didn't have
this discussion with a ****
last time i heard...
have the discussion you
had with me,
next time you... pretend to have it
with one of your former colonial
bull-whips...
o.k.?!
good...
well!
apparently a former colonialists
requires
to know what a colonial power-grip
feels like...
apparently the whip has become dry...
it's almost like...
the ******* are fetish frenzied
culminating in a starving
experience!
even if they asked:
i wouldn't enjoy the ********** role
of a colonialist...
i'd "enjoy" the whole affair...
as i'd weep...
striking an animal...
i mean... smacking a dog...
i couldn't imagine myself
hitting a dog, disciplining it...
but with regards to hitting a human?
i just might entertain sifting through
counters, equivalent to qualms.
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 11:16 PM UTC
There's power to the almost
To the action of leaning in but containing yourself enough to avoid
There's power to letting go
To prioritizing what's rightful,
Instead of focusing on what felt wrong
To put your feelings aside,
To focus on disciplining your mind
There's power to not allowing yourself to even imagine it
To soak up all the knowledge acquired through time and its period
And rather than act as a hero, to dodge the bullet
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 3:48 PM UTC
1. January- Patience
Patience is difficult,
Not attainable,
Elusive,
Far away,
Doesn’t come easy,
I need it
I wait for it
Patiently.
2. Feb- Uncertainty
Uncertainty is a reality
I can’t run away from it
I can’t not accept it
I can’t let it not flow in my world within and out
I can be aware of it
I can accept it
I can let it be
I can let it go…
Uncertainty is certain.
3. Mar- Hope
Hope is knowing that dawn is near
Hope is knowing that winter turns into spring
Hope is that I can get up every time I fall
Hope is in moments that count and blessings that surmount
Hope is in smiles, in holding hands and in every breath
Hope is life.
4. April- Exhaustion
Exhaustion is in my exhale
Exhaustion is in yearning for silence
Exhaustion is numbing
Exhaustion is mental, emotional, physical
Exhaustion is losing the wind beneath my wings
Exhaustion is starting all over again, yet again
Exhaustion is in giving- giving- giving without a pause
Exhaustion is need for a pause…
5. May- Self Love
Self love is life’s elixir
It’s a tribute to my existence
Its what I owe my being
Its love that unifies and makes me love others
More fully, more authentically, more truly
Self love is in my yoga
Self love is in my evolution
And embracing it fully
Self love is indulgent and also disciplining
Its non judgmental and inspirational
Self love is what I am most loyal too.
6. June- Anxiety
Anxiety is mirroring those closest with anxiety
And compounding it
Losing it
It’s a struggle.
Its real
It's not a happy space
It settles with a pause, with distancing
With distracting and with facing head on.
Anxiety- Real, Tangible, alive
Anxiety- needs strategies, needs to be tamed.
7. July- Friendship
Friendship is real and authentic
It’s not in years
It’s not in agendas
It’s not in plans
It’s in real conversations
Real sharing
Real giving
Real taking
Really the answer.
It makes us be better than we are
It lets us be the way we are
I have so many friends and each one
Has a different place on the ship.
This ship is traveling somewhere from nowhere
Friendship- Real and thriving…
8. August- Rest
Rest is cuddles
Rest is deep breaths
Rest is pause
Rest is a cup of coffee and my kindle
Rest is silence
I need rest…
9. September- Vitality
Vitality is buoyant
It is springy
It is “lets do it”
It is karma
It is action
Vitality is on
Vitality flows
Vitality is excitement and energy
Vitality is throbbing
It is life and being alive
10. October- Peace
Peace is alignment of mind body and soul
Peace is calm
Peace is within and around
Peace is a choice
Peace is facing problems and resolving them
Peace is active
Peace is my succour
Peace is OM.
11. November- The future
The future is hope filled
It's what I patiently contribute to
In the present
It's my acceptance of uncertainity
Its evolving
12. Dec - I am
I am a butterfly woman
A spirit child
Unfolding, evolving, nurturing,
Resilient, strong, capable
Magical, Sparkling and real
I am the wanderer and wonderer
I am dawn each day!
- MSD January 2021
Jun 13, 2021
Jun 13, 2021 at 10:51 AM UTC
Dread of losing haunts my fantasies,
Terrified of where destiny leads me.
Will my goals reach the top of the hill,
Or fall while trying to find my path?
My quest cannot predict the future,
It’s a guideline that will lead to my journey.
Disciplining myself through determination,
Trying to climb the mountain of dreams.
Fighting challenges in this war on failing,
Combating the obstacles of life’s adversities.
Soaring to the cliff with the aim to prevail,
Driven by the soul to achieve pure victory.
Finally reaching the top of the high peak,
Success has conquered the fear of failure.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 6:47 AM UTC
You see today I saw a lady named Helen who
I helped out at vinnies way back in 2000 to 2005 and it was great to see her after all these years, you see I was trying to fit in with the other people my age
And I was fighting with my parents and Helen who was like a third parents to me
And there were times when I fought with dad and Helen said
Don't worry everything should be alright and I know she knew nothing about the fight but she showed she cares and I walked home and dad was still upset with my behaviour and unaware
That I spoke with Helen started
Disciplining me about how I acted, dad said we are trying to help you but all I was thinking about them trying to stand in
The way of the future
You see Helen is the reason I am trying to help people and
She is also the reason why I have all these ideas on how to help the poor and she allowed me to be Santa Claus in her store and she said she will make ginger bread men for me to hand our to the children. She maybe broke a few rules there but I was given a chance to prove to everyone including Rowena that I like kids
And I ain't that bad kid chaser of my past
And yes, it worked, I did a lot of things at vinnies back in those days, work wise and going to vinnies every day gave me confidence in my future job at Ainslie village, but I learnt about what helping people involved at that place because it isn't as simple as waving a magic wand
And all poor people are saved
It requires a lot of work
And Helen's voice is in my head when I was given all these jobs
But I crashed and burned in the psych ward twice 2004 and
2013 and Helen in my head got
Me through that
You see I was remembering her
Positive attitude she gave to every customer at vinnies
She helped lyndy chamberlain
Through her ordeal with her daughter and I am suffering in ways now because I want to help people but my past of before I met Helen came back because I need a card that my past doesn't except
But I know that people are learning a lot from my art and writing and I will go with that
And Helen really helped me
She got me past my idea when
Young people are supposed to be messy and drink coke
I still am messy and drink coke
But I am careful
I don't want diabetes
Thanks Helen and dad
Be Betty and enjoy it
Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 7:16 AM UTC
Something created. Does the creator think ahead
or spill a storm. Rain happens. We supply the
reasons. Evaporation of water collecting over
huge expanses, condensed and pushed as clouds
over the land. We say it makes us sad or depressed.
We want to cry.
You describe the America you know and if you
are ashamed of yourself for what you see, you lie.
Or don't look. Loud noises of automobiles and
fumes. Today in Riverside Park, leaning on a rail,
the dead leaves and snow reminded me how far
from nature and life I am. The snow blew
in from the west. People passed in a smooth
slow line in front of me. Dogs trailing one
another. People hiding until crises bring them
out. Their dog smells another dog between the legs.
The master runs over to stop him. Maybe he
thinks they're going to fight. Doesn't want his
big German shepherd to hurt her dachshund.
Guy runs past in gray sweats on his tip-toes.
Glances at me. Another passes in blue sweats. Looks
longer. They think I'm a mugger. They are not
sexually attracted. I'm an opponent. I want something
they have. I look surly. Why aren't I out
running, disciplining myself, making myself healthy,
doing something. What brings you out here. You're not
doing anything but watching us and staring at the ground.
Walking down Broadway I realized I've never lived here and still don't. Two women window shopping is strange to me. They talk about the clothes. They are friends. I slow down, I don't feel so cold. Stroll, looking at people is like a sunny day and it's a carnival.
Rainy nights are good. Cold rainy nights. Bars filled and warm. Streets empty and cold. People pass and look as members of a fraternity. They need someone and don't hide it. They will try anyone out for one night. They have tea together. They go for a drink in some neutral place. They go straight to bed in the dark. They can't see the face.
Aug 8, 2015
Aug 8, 2015 at 1:10 PM UTC
wake me
shake me
out of this febrile trance
furtively pilfering my
heart's ancient treasure
once guarded
by comforting spirits
of warm hopes and
beliefs held beyond reason
never questioned
by the minds tribunal
the jurors seated
in the cranial court
knowing eyes silenced
by misguided faith's rhetoric
never minding
the persuasive muzzle
often ignoring serpent's
retractable tongue
always turning from
the dark corridors
light banished
by modern-day pharisees
cloaked in mantles of treason
patronizingly diluting
what can only remain pure
painted with pious platitudes
away
far away
i must sail from this folly
an orphan of mystical doubt
the frost and cold tempest I feel
cautious sensibilities
a tenuous guide
through these gray
realms I traverse
trembling hands
grasp transient hopes
striving to shape
deeper meaning
disciplining lazy
traditional beliefs
that hang on like
phosphorescent
spiders in the dusty
lofty
rafters of memory
deceptive iconic silhouettes
faded de-spiritualized
superimposed on a
human-made landscape
a beautiful picture
gold frame and all!
absence of religious
pop-culture faith
eclipses peace
i shudder at the prospect
of this purge
preparing for burial
what must die
the end of an age
burned in effigy
a raging wilderness
I now pass through
I stumble by many
a familiar and
unfamiliar fane
longing to be clothed
with a mantle of peace
a vulnerable yet
strong spirit I guard
let not trivialised faith be
my misleading guide
and if it is all meaningless
alas! it may be
still I must forge
ahead to the sea
ever mindful that rivers
return to where
they have been
separated at birth
i often hear roaring waves
crashing and gentler waves
lapping on shore
but a body of water
is not always the Sea.
Aug 27, 2024
Aug 27, 2024 at 12:08 PM UTC
I think it’s time to stop worrying.
I’ve been consumed with fear,
with thoughts of having the floor drop out from under me,
with memories of that day.
you don’t remember that day like I do.
but here’s the thing-
I’m giving too much to the future.
I’m stealing from my present moments.
they might be the only ones I get to keep,
and they deserve more than to be spent fearing an uncertain future. here’s how I see it.
the best way for me to be okay
is to take this in its simplest form.
what I know for sure-
these are the **** facts, nothing else-
is that I have openness with you.
I have found a very distinctive,
very pure happiness
and I am lucky to have found it.
I’m going to keep it
for as long as it will stay with me.
does that mean I don’t catch myself
wanting the complicated, tangled mess of feelings
that would knock me down in a heartbeat given the chance?
No, I want it.
I’m human, I’m selfish and needy
and I’ve found something wonderful
that I want to keep.
I am practicing my self-control,
for better or worse.
I am practicing disciplining myself,
for better or worse.
without them I would’ve kissed you already.
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 1:14 AM UTC
a family is as strong as the disciplining hand of their parents. don’t coddle your children.
a family is as weak as the desciplining hand of their parents. don’t abuse your children.
Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015 at 11:24 AM UTC
this is about confronting internal fears in the physical experience
this is about strength and courageousness
this is about opening your heart to love
this is about clarifying your logical mind to a point
where it is no longer clouded by your own ego
this is about disciplining the physical body
fine tuning it
this is about creating high frequency energetic balance
in your spiritual body, your logical mind, and your physical body.
this is about how to create your merkba.
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 12:19 AM UTC
The tension in my third eye is unbearable
Most of you could never relate.
But my understanding of the universe is comparable
to the phrase "you've got to much on your plate"
I've taken it upon myself to Remove emotional chains
To let go of anger and hate and to release all of my pains.
I've decided to open my mind
No longer will judgment dwell there.
I am still looking for what I will find
When I learn what it means to truly care.
I want a meanfull life, to live how I want
I want to balance my thoughts and never give up
I want to offer love and warmth a Godly presence
I want to be a person of large reverence.
I am doing the work I am disciplining my mind.
i am reading and studying, quieting time.
I am attempting and failing soon I will find,
A warm place inside me that is all mine.
But the tension in my body is unbearable.
The energy coursing through me is comparable
To a spicket that is set on full
I've opened my eyes and ripped off the wool.
I want to live Consciously
No More Impulsive Instinct.
Mar 5, 2017
Mar 5, 2017 at 5:00 PM UTC
I never lied as a kid.
I was the one everyone knew would take little to no disciplining, the one who was born mature.
How I let myself go, how I let myself change to accomodate someone in a negative way, I will never know.
And perhaps I'll never forgive myself.
I could never hate any of the people who illicited bad experiences in my life, simply because they've made me into a stronger person.
But complaining that I never did enough, that I've permeated your life in a negative way when we don't even talk, it makes no sense.
I'm not actively seeking to hurt anyone. I don't even talk to you anymore.
The difference is, I'm not a child anymore like I was when I knew you.
I don't care anymore.
People who can't get over the past, those who hold onto it and complain about it without actually trying to fix it, those are the people I will never give the time of day.
How could someone unwilling to make themself better for someone else's sake and for their own sake be appealing to speak to? To laugh with? To cry with?
They drag people down.
And I finally care about myself enough to root out the ones who need work. And I don't feel guilty.
I'm growing self esteem.
And the lies have expired.
For good.
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 10:45 PM UTC
How?
How will I forget you?
How far have I gone?
That I can't see my back
I'm not such a blind driver,
That drives without looking at his mirrow...
On a narrow road,
Thinking to arrive safely...
Do you think that I forget you,
Your face,
Walking
And thoughts in class....
If I forget everything,
Methinks these would not be forgotten....
Don't you think I'm that a child?
That remembers his mother's caring
in the day and night...
Hes efforts in disciplining him,
Her responses to his cries
open your ears and hear me!
I still see you in my hearts
With both good and bad image
We don't talk but you are in my mind
Know that the tree you watered
Is spreading its roots,
Products,
And shades in the world...
I'm still grateful
By Muhammad Auwal Ibrahim
Dec 31, 2017
Dec 31, 2017 at 11:53 AM UTC