I hold on to anger.
She’s the only one who has ever defended me,
who has promised to respect my boundaries,
who’s taken me seriously.
I hold on to envy.
She has reminded me of what I wanted,
reminded me that I was worthy,
reminded me that I, too, should be blessed.
I hold on to sadness.
She has helped me mourn the life I
didn’t get,
the life that was robbed from me
because I was born to the wrong
family set.
Anger, envy and sadness have
validated me,
my lived experiences
and my grievances
more than any lover
or anybody in this world.
Apr 7, 2022
Apr 7, 2022 at 6:47 PM UTC
Disrespect isn’t a language I speak anymore
But it’s the language we used to adore
Only with you was I able to miscommunicate
Only with you were my opinions misconstrued
Disrespect isn’t a language I speak anymore
My memory of it is rusty
I can barely remember the grammar
It was intricate and had a specific structure
My boundaries were always compromised
After every time I’d let you lie
Disrespect isn’t a language I speak anymore
My tongue can barely roll the r’s
My voice can no longer shout the insults
And my mind has forgotten how to manipulate as a result
Disrespect isn’t a language I speak anymore
So, when we saw each other unexpectedly
When used one of its idioms
I could no longer recognize it
I no longer am fluent in it
Oct 16, 2021
Oct 16, 2021 at 7:08 PM UTC
I lost myself
In between the months of May and August,
As people sped up to undress, to feel the breeze of the warm wind
As I doubled my layers and was ashamed of my own skin
I lost myself
I let my existence chip away like overdue nail polish
I let you destroy my personhood piece by piece,
I was an extension of you that had to be polished
I let your words dig through what I thought was tough skin and unravel tears
I lost myself
I forgot to smile, I forgot to let people know I was fine
I forgot to lie,
I forgot to lie
I lost myself
My existence was merely a performance
But maybe I was suddenly gaining consciousness
Maybe in the months of the harsh summer
Where every night, crying preceded slumber
Maybe I was shedding the version of me that you had created
Maybe I was shedding the extension of you that you had obligated
She could no longer be, her time was up
She had filled you with all that was in her cup
Maybe I was going through metamorphosis
Maybe the aching was her death but my genesis
Sep 26, 2021
Sep 26, 2021 at 12:37 PM UTC
They say girls who listen to Jhené Aiko are toxic
And girls who listen to Summer Walker are dramatic
The ones who listen to SZA are eccentric
And the ones who belt out all three are chaotic
But why is it that female emotion is a threat?
Why does female expression make you upset?
Is it because you’re afraid of what’s next?
Of a woman realizing that what she feels towards you is regret?
Of a woman coming to terms with the hell you tried to make her forget?
Of her understanding that you’ll be forever in her debt?
As she grieves her heartache away with Jhené,
Misses you more with Summer,
And realizes her power with SZA,
She becomes an improved version of the woman you never deserved
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 4:35 PM UTC
I never used to be that kid that collected anything
No rocks, no pennies,
not even souvenirs
Some even collected diaries
I tried so hard to form a habit of collecting something
So that I could look back to my childhood quirks and think
about the things that made me a kid
I never used to be that kid that collected anything
But I've grown to know that that was a lie
As memory came back, my past caught onto me
Memories started to become clearer, to my demise
Nothing compared to the weight that home carried
Not even my school bag
Turns out, I've always been the kid that collected something
That very thing turned out to be trauma
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 12:52 AM UTC
I think we're only good when we miss each other
and I'm ok with that
now.
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 8:33 PM UTC
I've lost too much of myself to share with you.
Mar 29, 2020
Mar 29, 2020 at 3:59 AM UTC
i'm always the one who hopes while others get to have
life only gives me lessons while others get everything
why can't i have everything?
im always the one who speaks 'it' into existence
while others exist with 'it' without hesitation
why are things limited when it comes to me?
why are my dreams too big for reality?
why can't i have it all?
why is it that when i complain, instead i should stay strong?
why is it that others speak freely and get comforted while i need to stay shut and be quiet?
why is it that my pain has to be bite size while other's pain can cover miles?
why do i have to be the strong one? why do i have to persevere?
why does it always have to be me who has to work hard,
not cry,
persevere,
not cry.
why is it always my blood,
my sweat,
my tears,
but, oh god,
don't cry.
Nov 23, 2019
Nov 23, 2019 at 10:38 PM UTC
Think about yourself because helping someone else is great but the hurting part, that, you'll do alone.
Oct 28, 2019
Oct 28, 2019 at 11:36 PM UTC
I found out that with you,
promises were never kept
& forever,
was never long
so, I had to accept
that our love would last for just a song.
Oct 10, 2019
Oct 10, 2019 at 8:54 PM UTC