Where do I start?... Its taken me over fourty years to write this


Half a bottle of scotch taken each night to drown out the fears
the heartrending sights
Yeah half a bottle is just about right to dull the dreams and the nightmares that still linger
PTSD they call it this day, councelling given to help them get through
what they did see, things they did do
I remember clearly after such a time being told I wasn't a soldier I wasnt a man for being sick with fear, tears in my eyes at the bloodied remains close to my side.
Yeah well I was a soldier but not yet a man, at 19 my life had hardly begun but I still had to survive at the point of a gun
Yeah half a bottle of scotch is the crutch I have found because I'm still alive... Not just another name on a hole in the ground
thousands of miles from home.
Patrolling the paths in the in a land burnt and harsh not knowing what would come, the bullet the bomb or mayber the mine placed or shot by the oft unseen had
OK so I still did my bit in spreading the ****.... Yes I've had their blood on my hands but I still regret the things that I did in that harsh barren land.
Did I hate them? Those men who killed the ones I called friends. No they were only doing what they thought was right in protecting their home and their lands
Yeah so half a bottle of scotch is the friend I now have, it helps to stifle the dreams of the places I saw, the things that I saw and also the things that I did.

I had never been in love before
so he was my first
they say you never forget your first
I know only this to be true for me.
I am dying  its OK we all are dying
it's just I know it will be sooner for me.
we met at the group councelling
for people cursed with the big C
he looked so fit and well
I was just entering remission
for the third time.
I knew the reaper was just
waiting around the corner.
he kept looking at me
smiling with a mischievous face.
they asked what are you most afraid of
most people said dying
it's scary right.
but he said
of leaving no proof he existed.
he picked me up outside
his smile infectious and beatiful
I almost thought about the future
for the first time in forever.
I can still see my mother
saying let go honey its OK
when the last attack came.
but he was like a whirlwind
he picked me up and we flew
from Kansas to OZ
I tried to hold back from him
I did not want to hurt him
by dying just as we fell in love.
but he was relentless in his pursuit
we made love and I was hooked
he was smitten I know.
he made me forget about big C
he made me feel beautiful
the pain went away
I was just a woman in love
like any young woman.
we took a trip to the islands
it was the best time of my young life.
then as we watched the sun fall into
a magenta sunset miracle.
he told me that he  had an
MRI and lit the room up with cancer.
he died three months later.
And my world was a darker place.
I was told my disease was clear
not a sign of cancer anywhere.
you are in complete remission
young lady the doctor said.
but the pain had only moved
to my heart.
But for sure he got his wish.
he left a mark on this world
that will last until the day I die.