"chairlift" poems
When He asks, quietly, if I still think of You
even when I’m here,
I say
"always."
why?
because snow falls just as softly here as it
did
during our first kiss,
when it melted on your flushed
cheeks
in the mountain light of our childhood.
I think of your face as it was,
like the neighbor’s cornfield,
fogged but bright through the windows of your car
as you raced me home in the pastoral dawn
to beat my parents' alarm clock.
now when I look at you,
I see the ruins of the storm:
the once-grand Victorians of our town,
sunken and foul,
the spray painted x’s, signaling “condemned,”
barely masked by the slush.
this new color in the landscape of your countenance,
is
a translucent grey
—
I think it is called indifference.
They told us
“distance extinguishes small flames,
and fuels great fires.”
my breath burns cold and sharp,
like the icicles that hung outside your mother’s store,
when You told me that it was easy to hurt me,
and You didn’t know why.
those words froze me solid
like citrus trees killed in a late frost.
He says that He still see the pinkness in my own cheeks,
when I talk of You.
I sigh
and say that I will try harder
to stop loving You,
but
the chairlift rocks and shifts the spears in my chest and
I wince,
because I know I will for all my life.
May 19, 2013
May 19, 2013 at 3:20 PM UTC
I sit on the edge
And swing my legs over.
I think to myself
“Should I do it?”
“Would someone hear me
If I screamed out as I fell?”
No, it would all be drowned out.
Am I too late
To change this terrifying fate?
I’ve committed
So there’s no turning back
There’s a rock below, I might hit it.
That would certainly end my journey
Down this track.
It makes me quiver
And turns my thoughts to you.
Oh how I wish you were here!
This dizzying height
Makes me unsteady.
That terrible sight,
I’m sure I’m not ready.
Yet I still go.
I inch closer to the edge.
I hope that I don’t
Hit my head.
Still closer I get,
Barely holding on.
Just telling myself,
“At the end of this song.”
There it is,
The last blaring chord,
My cue to jump
And land so hard.
So I push off,
As if on chairlift,
And let out a scream.
But you,
You cannot hear me,
Just the splash as I hit the water
With a dull thumping “thud”
Like a sack of potatoes,
In the hot summer sun.
I surfaced in a panic,
Soon changed to delight
I had conquered my fear
And vanquished my fright.
The high dive became my favorite
That very night.
Jan 14, 2013
Jan 14, 2013 at 7:37 PM UTC