---

i'm going to be off the site
there is something I must write

while i may seem to be gone
i won't be able to be on long

don't be saddened. I'm not bereft.
i've not been hurt. I have not left.

there's a story to be conveyed
a friend who has a lot to say

i'm writing series for her right now
i have to research to learn how

my mom is better, which is good
but I'm still caregiving as i should

i've been in a sort of daze
because i've been off site for days

talking with people on the phone
doing all the work alone

I'm writing this post as i am
don't want to be the source of spam

i just want to let you know
'cause some folks felt the need to go

but I'm not under troll attack
i'll be gone *but i'll be back

I peer over the top of my book. trying not to let her see me watching her.
She sits on the bench everyday with a small bag of seed for the birds.
Her hands are gnarled with age.A trophy of years of labor and caregiving.
It's a chore now to open the bag with fingers that used to be nimble.
Time has deformed them.
I am fascinated by her ability to adjust to the changes in her body.
Afraid that I won't be able to grow old as gracefully as she has.
I admire her tenacity as she shells a peanut for the squirrels.
I see her as beautiful, and hope that I can learn from her the beauty that age can bring.

Shadows falling
I scale back the grip on the reigns
Her smile possesses me,
It forsakes me, then retakes me

Careless caregiving
I cannot fathom my own peril
For her slender fingers entice me,
They chase me, then erase me

Stave off regret
For another hour, two at most
Her voice is beautiful slander,
It directs me, then infects me

Tempestuous
Building shelter is my priority
For her storm consumes me,
It supplants me, then replants me

no moment feels as finite as this one
yet as infinite in the way
a mother can be with her unborn child
the cycle repeats
*** love
lust
this moment of aloneness
carved out in the universe
do i deserve a place like the womb or my
own home
which holds no such
warmth
caregiving
food for my soul and a soft liquid
universe just for me

how one man would
enjoy crawling back inside his mother
devoid of all ****** meaning
only the feelings of safety
that comes with the infinite cycle
mother wont you love
me
hold me in your liquid softness
which i can feel secure
in
like i was never born

what one woman feels
in the repetition of this cycle
she too, remembers the womb
yet there is no comfort in
her ability to create
it
for she's not certain
if it won't really be infinite
and should she hold herself responsible
if the cycle
breaks
before her liquid soft
does break too


one child is only lonely
because now he is cast
to a much colder place to which
his heart guides him with an equal amount of
primal curiosity and learned fear
how he must miss the feeling
to not even have to
breathe
like he was never born

Living in the metropolis of tumescence of vast objectivity
Rabbles and roads and rolling ditches, some damsel being diminutive
Rambunctious raucous youths of roaring tigers in rearing farms
Raging lions in the rhapsody of bellicose bullish belligerence like diction
A corporeal of positively rhapsodic feeling ****** with George and gorges, protean germinus
The syllabi of syllogisms and schisms and oysters smitten truth and hidden haikus
Forsakes scientific fact and *****-shriveling act perniciously for thespian spring fixes
Invectives, ice, and censuring fornicate in an intermittent visceral vision of eternal springs
Of attainable wisdom willfully stirs the ***
Inferrable this clear existence in this penetrable mind can be called pleasant and puerile
Unperturbed and undulating do not work together unless zaftig and scrumptious like scones on summer sign
About your corsets strangulating and stifling your instincts' seceding their senses to the serene providence
Adumbrating the vacillating mind of a God-like might
Stagnancy stoking storied sullen somnambulant sadistically serried, Zeus caring and giving
Dreaming is a pain, dreaming is a chain
But, not in a maiden's caregiving nature
It isn't rudimentary to eat at each letter of this basal dictionary, as words expand in the context
Like the word is word, so spread it and mean it
Just like your legs, just to make sure that the words don't hurt