"baloney" poems
THERE'S RUDOLPH, FROSTY, SANTA CLAUS AND GOOD OLD EBENEEZER
THERE'S CAROLS SUNG BY EVERYONE FROM KISS ON THROUGH TO WHEEZER
THERE'S CD'S OUT FROM NAT KING COLE, THE BOSTON POPS HAVE TWO
THERE'S ONE OUT NEIL DIAMOND WHICH IS STRANGE BECAUSE OLD NEIL'S A JEW
THE STORES HAVE TINSEL EVERYWHERE, THEIR TREES TOO,LOOKING NICE
THERE'S WRAPPING PAPER, CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AND EVEN PLASTIC ICE
THEY ATTACK YOUR SENSES CONSTANTLY, THEY MUST THINK I'M A FOOL
FOR ALL THIS STUFF IS ON DISPLAY, BEFORE THE KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL
THERE'S A RASTAFARIAN SANTA CLAUS WITH DREADLOCKS KNOWN AS "STONEY"
GENETICALLY ALTERED TURKEY MEAT THAT TASTES JUST LIKE BALONEY
PEOPLE DON'T BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS THEY SEEM TO JUST GIVE MONEY
SO THEY GO SHOPPING BOXING DAY, AND THIS I FIND QUITE FUNNY
THE CHARITIES ARE ON THE PHONE AND AT YOUR DOOR EACH NIGHT
THEY WORK YOU WITH SOME CHRISTMAS GUILT, AND SAY "IT'S ONLY RIGHT"
TO DONATE TO UNFORTUNATES AND THEIR FOLKS NEED IT MOST"
AS THEY FLASH THEIR SMILES, FAKE I/D'S BEFORE THEIR PHONY BOAST
PEOPLE SHOP AND BUY AND BUY AND THEN THEY ALL RE-GIFT
MOST TIMES YOU'LL GET CHRISTMAS CAKE, THAT'S REALLY HARD TO LIFT
YOU WORK O.T. AND DO YOUR BEST, YOUR CHRISTMAS CASH TO SAVE
AND YOU SMILE WHEN YOU GET YOUR GIFT, AND IT'S THE ONE YOU GAVE
CHRISTMAS IS LESS FESTIVE AND TO ME IT'S GOTTEN RATHER CLINICAL
WITH SCHEDULES MADE AND SALES AND THINGS, IT'S MADE ME RATHER CYNICAL
TO SAY WHAT CHRISTMAS REALLY MEANS, I READ THOMAS ACQUINAS
BUT INSTEAD, I'LL USE A QUOTE FROM SHCULTZ'S PROPHET LINUS
..."AND SUDDENLY THERE WAS WITH THE ANGEL A MULTITUDE OF THE HEAVENLY HOST PRAISING GOD
AND SAYING "GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST, AND ON EARTH PEACE, GOODWILL TOWARD MEN.""
AND THAT IS WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT....PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
May 30, 2012
May 30, 2012 at 3:13 PM UTC
I nearly fell out of my comfortable chair
when I heard some sexologist declare:
“The scent of licorice in the air
makes men and women want to pair.
Far more effective than cologne,
Use licorice or you’ll sleep alone.”
Some say Chocolate gets you “Honey”-
I say try some “Good and Plenty”
Remember Charlie? he was an engineer
He didn’t drink coffee and abstained from beer
“Charlie had an engine and he sure had fun
He used “Good and Plenty” candy
cause it made his “train” run”
For all I know, this tale is baloney
Licorice may leave you ***** and lonely.
But if you are lonely and feeling forlorn,
candy’s much cheaper than rhinoceros horn.
Apr 21, 2012
Apr 21, 2012 at 4:46 PM UTC
A baloney sandwich.
Baloney is hardly meat.
A hardly meat and cheese sandwich.
A hardly meat and American cheese sandwich.
American cheese is hardly cheese.
A hardly meat and hardly cheese sandwich.
A hardly meat and hardly cheese sandwich on white bread.
White bread is hardly bread.
A hardly meat and hardly cheese on hardly bread sandwich.
I wanted meatloaf.
I wanted meatloaf with gravy.
I wanted meatloaf with gravy and a side of potatoes.
Mashed potatoes.
I wanted meatloaf with gravy and a side of mashed potatoes.
Hardly meat and hardly cheese on hardly bread is hardly a meal.
Hardly meat and hardly cheese on hardly bread is hardly a last meal.
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 10:51 PM UTC
The forgotten umbrella
Fretted
Did he get wet?
Cry because it was missing?
Would his mother have given him a beating?
Benches and desks
Are cozing
The board still retains
The day’s remnants
Night came,
The umbrella was in tears
Rain rain
Umbrella umbrella
Said the rain outside
Only the umbrella heard
His voice was raining over the shower
“my darling umbrella”
Crying itself to sleep,
Headmaster’s room
Came in a dream
Question papers, canes
Maps, globe, skeleton,
Chalk power,
Fat lady teachers,
Farts and baloney
Startled itself awake
No, it is not light yet
Through the darkness
Nothing other than his embroidered name
Still you forgot me!
Other umbrellas came
And sat on either sides
Didn’t you get wet yesterday?
Didn’t you go home?
How can it be said that he forgot me?
There he is!
Umbrella closed its eyes
Let him come running
Give a hundred kisses
He didn’t come even after the bell rang
On opening the eyes, saw
His new darling umbrella
Hasn’t put it down..
Jan 27, 2014
Jan 27, 2014 at 8:13 AM UTC
As silence sets in your heart
You are aware of the feelings
And the mind becomes agile
The calming effect of silence
Will help to rearrange beliefs
Silence is the subconscious
Speaks louder than words
It is built on a solid foundation
Firm against sinister forces
Silence is a bundle of energy
It withstands barrage of baloney
Unwavering support of silence
Cocoons the soul in happiness
Silence is retaliation
Of the soul which is strong
Only the strong can wield silence
To make an emphatic statement
Silence is not absence of action
Words are a spent force
When it holds no meaning
Some, hiding behind its guile
Douse the ominous intentions
With silence as your defense
Silence is deafening to a noisy world
© Amitav (Radiance)
May 31, 2014
May 31, 2014 at 1:54 AM UTC
Here
Is a timely
Noun to consider
From the Merriam-Webster page.
"Trumpery."
Note (at bottom) the list of near-antonyms;
what is the opposite of trumpery?
[Popularity: Bottom 40% of words]
trumpery
noun trum·pery \ˈtrəm-p(ə-)rē\
Definition of trumpery
1
a : worthless nonsense b : trivial or useless articles : junk <a wagon loaded with household trumpery — Washington Irving>
2
archaic : ****** finery
Origin of trumpery
Middle English (Scots) trompery deceit, from Middle French, from tromper to deceive
First Known Use: 15th century
Examples of trumpery
<claims for weight-loss products that are based much more on Madison-Avenue trumpery than on bariatric science>
Related to trumpery
Synonyms
applesauce [slang], balderdash, baloney (also boloney), beans, bilge, blah (also blah-blah), blarney, blather, blatherskite, blither, bosh, bull [slang], bunk, bunkum (or ******** claptrap, codswallop [British], crapola [slang], crock, drivel, drool, fiddle, fiddle-faddle, fiddlesticks, flannel [British], flapdoodle, folderol (also falderal), folly, foolishness, fudge, garbage, guff, hogwash, hokeypokey, hokum, hoodoo, hooey, horsefeathers [slang], humbug, humbuggery, jazz, malarkey (also malarky), moonshine, muck, nerts [slang], nuts, piffle, poppycock, punk, rot, ******* senselessness, silliness, slush, stupidity, taradiddle (or tarradiddle), tommyrot, tosh, trash, nonsense, twaddle
Related Words
absurdity, asininity, fatuity, foolery, idiocy, imbecility, inaneness, inanity, insanity, kookiness, lunacy; absurdness, craziness, madness, senselessness, witlessness; hoity-toity, monkey business, monkeyshine(s), shenanigan(s), tomfoolery; gas, hot air, rigmarole (also rigamarole); double-talk, greek, hocus-pocus
Near Antonyms
levelheadedness, rationality, reasonability, reasonableness, sensibleness; common sense, horse sense, sense; discernment, judgment (or judgement), wisdom
By: Robinson Bolkum
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 6:44 PM UTC
Soycorn, rice-a-roni-what is all this baloney?
Genetics don't scare me none
GMOs sound like they could be fun.
Only thing that ever worried me
Was first cousins marrying on the family tree.
Now that's somethin to get your knickers in a twist about
No doubt we haven't seen the end of this come about.
GMO, HMO, what do you know
Where will it go?
Oct 3, 2016
Oct 3, 2016 at 6:27 PM UTC
Don't dare hang up the phone
Please don't touch that dial
I've got this idea a-brewing
If you'll kindly hear me out
I often have these hunger pains
Throughout my busy day
And seldom find the time to stop
For a meal along the way
So I got my brain juices flowing
And came to this conclusion
Baloney flavored chewing gum
Could be this man's solution
But how to get the flavor
Onto the stick of gum
When it's baloney that I savor
It must be in the rub
So I go buy top shelf baloney
Take the gum from my pocket...
...remove the lint
Rub-a-Dub this grub like in a tub
Then call it baloney peppermint
I'm now on my way to success
Never stopping off for meals
Ain't got time for none of that
In my world of Wheel and Deal
I've now quite the variety of meat
In the daily meals I chew
If you care to call 1-800-Baloney Peppermint
Then you can chew it too
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:13 AM UTC
There are no distractions
at 3:10 A M
There's not even a breeze
no stirring of wind
I sit alone in silence
listening to nothing
No , no I'm not in any
kind of suffering
Just letting my consciousness
expand beyond the borders
Beyond the mountains
and the sea's waters
Not even the space
surrounding the stars
There are no limits
as to just how far
My universe
is my man made cosmos
A thought turning to whim
Seen through like ghost
I sit alone in silence
but I'm not really lonely
I have all of my friends :
mayonnaise , mustard and lots of baloney
Apr 27, 2016
Apr 27, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC
That's
Nonsense!
That's
beans!
babble!
bunkum!
bogus!
baloney!
blither!
blather!
blah blah!
********
balderdash!
blarney!
********
That's
crapola!
claptrap!
codswallop!
That's
drivel!
That's
fiddlesticks!
flapdoodle!
frippery!
folderol!
That's
guff
garbage
gibberish!
gobbledygook!
That's
horse hockey!
hocus-pocus!
hokum!
hogwash!
humbug!
hooey!
humdrum!
That's
jibber-jabber!
jive!
jazz!
That's
malarkey!
mumbo-jumbo!
monkeyshines!
That's
Nuts!
That's
poppycock!
piffle!
prattle!
That, sir, is
******* and
RIGMAROLE!
That's
trash
tripe
and
twaddle
That, sir, is
NONSENSE!
Mar 14, 2015
Mar 14, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC
In my dream,
I was accosted by sugar ants
in the sandbox,
near the honeysuckle
and curled parsley
behind the house.
I was trying to eat the little ants
but was called in
for cheese and baloney.
When I came in,
hopping in worn-out slippers,
the glass door slid into the kitchen
with plasterboard walls
and beige ceramic tile.
There was a black spider
perched on the ceiling
with bright yellow knees.
Those years ago
I drew with sidewalk chalk,
made myself mazes
on the sloping driveway
too steep for basketball.
Cicadas dragged in heat
on waves, droning.
One landed on me -
a yell caught in my throat -
but I made myself look at it
and be still, shaking.
Back then I had an old cape
& a homemade bow-and-arrow.
I’d sally forth
into the backyard, barefoot,
jumping over prickly mulch,
brushing my shins
against clouds of low love-in-a-mist
with its threaded leaves
& shy blue-white flowers.
Sometimes my sister
was back there too, tanning,
or Mom carving
little men out of cherry,
but more often I was all alone
in that wilderness
in moccasins & living
off wood sorrel,
the brighter clover, lemony.
Or in rain
I listened to my brother
play piano if he was home,
maybe Bags and Trane,
and I’d dance between shadows,
the underworld of the patches
of carpet in the light.
Later - a little older -
I recognized that home
is more a time than a place,
and understood I would miss it
years before it was gone
so around nine years old
I went through every foot
of that high-ceilinged house,
that weedy backyard,
and made a solemn farewell
to everything in advance
trying hard to be ready
long before the time came to leave.
Jan 12, 2010
Jan 12, 2010 at 6:41 AM UTC
Chicken Soup
A bowl of chicken soup hot and steamy,
The clear chicken broth, not white and creamy,
With noodles and chunks of chicken afloat
Its good for a cold and for a sore throat.
Companion in age and childhood friend
Its lunch time and we're together again.
Once I had soup with sandwich baloney
Now, its with unsalted crackers only.
Doc tells me I have to watch what I eat,
So from salt and fat I have to retreat.
But let me impart this one, little scoop:
I'll never relinquish my chicken soup.
Sep 15, 2016
Sep 15, 2016 at 8:36 AM UTC
The white noise has direct interface
with the synapses in my brain
making ants sketch across my skin
in a drunken address.
Bellicose shadows raise their fists
and wrap me in flags of color
while merging into a large edifice
with a wide open mouth
and protruding nose.
Wrenching my feet from the baloney trap
go take a round of the mulberry bush
counting the pennies dropped on the ground
by the ones who crossed onward
with the ferryman on the boat.
Footprints on soft mud
thud like batons against a hard thigh
easy to miss but not to be dismissed
they are like camouflaged quarry
in a kept heap of rye.
Nov 24, 2012
Nov 24, 2012 at 1:41 PM UTC
He was a normal man
With a normal life
Two kids, one dog
And a loving wife
He had a normal job
Drove a normal car
Coached little league
Went to normal bars
All that ended when she arrived
It's amazing that normal man survived
With short, short skirts
And deep blue eyes
Just saying try me for on size
He did what he should
Avoided her at first
But she taunted him
And he quenched his thirst
He was white bread only
She was not
He was cold baloney
She was hot
He knew he shouldn't do it
Lost that thought
Till that fateful night
When he got caught
He was a normal man
With a normal life
Two kids, a dog
And now a new ex-wife
He had a house in town
Where he didn't live
And half of his pay
He was forced to give
His vows got broken
He couldn't turn away
She just taunted him
And he had to play
Was it worth the loss
With what he had to pay
He was a normal man
What could he say?
His wife found out
It wasn't tough
She could smell her scent
That's when things got rough
His wife was blonde
The girl was red
He even brought her
home to bed
There wasn't much
For him to say
She had him dead to rights
Now, he had to pay
He was a normal man
With a normal life
Two kids, a dog
And a new ex-wife
It wasn't long before
The affair did end
He life was broke
Too bad to mend
He was a normal man
With a normal life
He'd lost it all
Was it worth the strife?
Apr 7, 2013
Apr 7, 2013 at 9:48 PM UTC
The president loves to carry on
About his gut and how it guides him.
How can anybody believe
A word of all of his nonsense besides him?
His gut encourages him to lie
And do it while he keeps a straight face.
It helps him create far-fetched stories
To dupe and galvanize his base.
His gut is great at seeking out
The shiftiest autocrats around,
So he can make America
His autocratic proving ground.
It's also very good at distracting
The country from what is REALLY going on--
At how to attract his servile lackeys
While he plays the role of the don.
It helps him to be great at knowing
How to pander to various groups
Such as evangelicals
Who kiss his you-know-what. Oops!
His gut tells him that scientists
Are full of baloney when they proclaim
That global warming is a threat
And humankind is largely to blame.
His gut says illegal voting
Is rampant. Doesn't he find it odd
That experts have found no proof at all
Of widespread voter fraud?
His gut says he hires the best people.
That makes him SO excited.
But how many have left their jobs?
How many have been indicted?
His gut said that he could pay money
To silence affairs and get away with it.
Did his gut let him know
Whether his wife would be okay with it?
His gut tells him that as the leader
He can do what he desires,
Which must include collusion, obstruction
Of justice, and calling dissenters liars.
Yes, I agree: gut feeling
Can be useful at times, BUT
Why can't the president
Start using reason and NOT his gut?
-by Bob B (11-30-18)
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 1:15 PM UTC
Defrauding the public isn't hard
When you're one of the Trumps.
The president is especially good
At duping his loyal chumps.
So, after Trump fired James Comey,
He fired AG Sessions.
Those two firings were just a part
Of the president's indiscretions.
Next came Matthew Whitaker--
A Donald Trump lackey--
As acting AG, and whose background
Was--let's say--a bit tacky.
Now AG Barr is there
To willingly play his part
And show how he and Trump are both
Connected heart to heart.
Barr's recent appointment has
Very clearly shown
That the president has managed
To get his Roy Cohn.
Keeping Congress from seeing the full
Mueller report, Barr
Acts LESS like a fair AG
And MORE like a czar.
Flouting the rule of law, Trump
And Barr, political hacks,
Can end up doing a lot of damage
Behind Americans' backs.
Now Barr has mentioned the word
"Spying." It never fails
That Trump's appointees tend to go
Completely off the rails.
Making Trump a victim only
Satisfies his base.
Trump and Barr don't care whether
Their actions are a disgrace.
Now the tinfoil-hat group can say
"All the acrimony
Toward Trump is a nasty plot."
What a bunch of baloney!
Our leadership has never been
So chaotic. Never!
Elections, they say, have consequences.
Boy do they ever!
-by Bob B (4-11-19)
Apr 11, 2019
Apr 11, 2019 at 1:49 PM UTC
I think I caught
A funny thought
In my head
Cheesy bread,
I fed you baloney
No corn dog as corny,
Saved the rind
In case you were behind
The cold hard crust
A sandwich ******
Like arrow or *****
Upon a pretzel stick,
Layer on the mayo thick
Kicked in tomatoes
And lettuce add
Pickles from a hard blade
Mustard knows
Not a salad
Can come in between
This club and then steam
Veggies, the toothpick
Needs a sparkly lick,
If bacon were
But an apple core
Orange you glad
Of all the fun we had?
If mushrooms could
Take off their hats
I also would
Cause I'm a fungi and that's
Why never to you did I lie,
But cauliflowers
Don't make the best roses
And no amount of flowers
Can hide that;
Under our noses
Waiting to happen;
I would stop laughing then...
© okpoet
Jan 18, 2013
Jan 18, 2013 at 3:24 AM UTC
Why do I have to be sorry for your decisions?
You chose this, you knew what could happen.
You were so naive, so proud of what could be glory
Baloney!
What the **** are you fighting for? Peace?
Not gonna happen. This is money driven, death driven.
Nothing I stand for.
Don't involve me in your regret or sadness.
I didnt ship you off to war.
Sep 12, 2013
Sep 12, 2013 at 12:51 PM UTC
I'm not your enemy
Anagrams of truth
It's no spoof
Much hate near
The human race
No one listens
No one is silent
Marriage is a grim era
Weird vacation I want a divorce
Ethnics, a fearsome attitude
The United states of America
Vs.
You and me
Politricks straight off the baloney farm
Snake charming zealots on tv
Poverty and illiteracy
Donate some donuts to the poor
Transcending Increments of Mans Existence
T.I.M.E.
D. Clare
TIME is the enemy of us all...
Jan 3, 2015
Jan 3, 2015 at 3:11 PM UTC
Fake Fake Fake
that's me
that's what you see
lighting up your computer screen
nothing but a phony
everything I say is baloney
anything to be seen
as the girl cranked out of the same machine
I steam
I scream
tears stream
I conceive
You believe.
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:21 PM UTC
The greatest are at Eddyville, the lesser at LaGrange
six hundred of no one at the jail on the hill
no windows, no bars, no name to do up to five nowhere
for nothing, or that's what they say.
Institutional white tones of gray
sealed concrete floors under light look like rivers at night
all so clean except the time, except the title
of the crime sounds so insipid.
Better robbery or ****** better yet
lining up on concrete rivers for a shave.
What is the essence of it?
No one's going to die.
Everyone will eat baloney on his food card and lie on his back.
Freedom begs the question of degree.
What is the essence of it?
Visiting baby mamma by TV?
The inability to conjugate the verbs of touch?
Freedom begs the question of degree.
What is the essence of it?
Never having lived a single day
beyond the shadow of the jail that has no name?
Jan 7, 2013
Jan 7, 2013 at 12:59 AM UTC
666
00
I love baloney and cheese sandwiches
But HER sandwiches are
Phoney baloney and ******
Sandwiches
And buried in the middle ?
RAZOR BLADES !
•••
SHE LOVES TO HARM CHILDREN
YES! --- SHE DOES !
Apr 25, 2014
Apr 25, 2014 at 3:49 PM UTC
I live in a nation where the cow is worshipped,
and there is no king regnant,
but it’s funny, how the cow feast on crap,
and the farmer becomes a peasant.
I live in a nation of aye men,
who say aye to a baloney,
of media which protects the cow,
but let the peasant starve slowly.
I watch daily, the television debates,
where logic is razored by bigotry,
and no talks about the peasant,
gagged into silence by the authority.
I witness a bathtub getting sensationalized
when a mid-aged celebrity died,
the debt he’d laden of the dried crop,
no rain never did the sky cry.
He later worked as an indentured laborer,
for a landlord who drinks the cow’s ****
as a saffroned monk says it’s healthy,
way to the eternal bliss.
A student who sloganed for freedom
from the maw of poverty.
My media says he is a traitor,
and so is the entire university.
At least, let’s agree to disagree,
that is essential to a republic,
let freedom of speech not be seldom,
and never shall it cease to exist.
The peasant must die soon,
and no more shall he crouch in dread,
may someday he incarnate as a cow,
roams free on the city streets, and feast on free bread.
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 11:11 AM UTC
In the tiny hours os the morning
Long before the sun casts its
Pre-dawn gray and the east
Begins to light
You feel the oneness of us all
You hurt for the people who
Really are brothers and sisters
The people and families of Boston
And Newtown
And the people and families, victims
Of random, meaningless gun violence
Every **** day
The kids lost every day in drive-bys
And the men and women who
Try so hard to hold it all together
The families on the ramen noodles and
Baloney and peanut butter plans with
Hamburger Helper for a treat
The men and women scared of
Losing home--not just a **** house
Don't you know, the only home
Their kids ever knew
And you hurt in the tiny hours
For your people who no longer
Can make the ends meet
And you know a much bigger
Struggle calls
Our people are sick of hurtin and losin
While those who really can
Make things happen
Sleep through the night
Without a thought to us
Lots and lots to do
Woody said it right in a different
But same kind of time
This land belongs to you and me
Aug 6, 2013
Aug 6, 2013 at 10:25 PM UTC
Every time I reach out
I have my hand smacked
Spare me frustration
And prove the fact
You've walked away before
You disappeared into thick air
Leaving me blinded in pain
And I'm still in despair
At first you were real
Now your just a phony
I'm sick of the lies
So cut the baloney
Stop feeding the addiction
Get your head on straight
I want my friend back
And I don't wanna wait
You fell victim to a horrid curse
Friend or foe, I don't know whats worse
Remember to park before you reverse
In the deepest darkness
I've been spotted by the white beast
Then I decided anger is a dead end
All the air in my balloon has been released
I walk around bare skinned
Careless to my bleeding wounds
Sat nights on end
Seeking out new moons
You just throw it all away
When we could be expanding
Bleached out the paint
And left me, the last clown standing
Feb 28, 2011
Feb 28, 2011 at 1:38 PM UTC