I'm afraid of what I am
I'm ashamed
because I had a mother
who kept telling me ''You're not good enough''
until at a certain age, I agreed with her
because I had a father
who had a fist that kept repeating ''I wish you were never born''
until at a certain age, I started viewing things as if I were never born
Quickly I learned that the rotation could only be slowed,
but never broken;
I noticed how the people were still laughing,
they were still going to school, to their jobs
- as if I was never there at all.
I believed the world would be a better place if I were gone.
At that point in my life,
I stopped talking. I stopped eating. I stopped believing in everything I ever stood for.
I even stopped crying.
I felt still and empty, like some diseased tree
The life inside of me had wilted
I couldn't move, I couldn't ask for any help,
all I could do was just stand there-
In the middle of that forest
Waiting for it to finally be over

It's so cold in my room
even with three computers running
and heating on
and the touch of your hands
printed in the back of my mind
It is so cold