right now,
I feel like all the stars in the sky
being pulled down by
people's wishes

We are wise beyond
our years, strands of
time woven in our eyes,
capable of seeing the
dim, far out casting light,
we can see beyond the
usual smiles full of bleak
empty cheer, we can celebrate
the meaning of life with
an open mind, not by
civilization's rules and mankind,
streaming silver moonlight
among shining twinkling stars,
the trail of light footsteps among
the moonlit sea of night,
through the dark sea
we will get so far,
so easy to dwell in the
confusion and the dullness
of every second and everyday,
but bit by bit we are fighting
our ways, towards
an infinite world.

Eyes flutter open to a gray and cloudy sky
everything seems to be blanketed
with a fine cool mist of gray drabness
hair spread out floating upon
white cotton pillow
sheets cool thin and papery
gown white and soft

thin feet swing over to side
to slip on cool hard wooden sandals
underneath them frosty wooden floor
stand and gaze out covered bright windows
long lace curtains fluttering in soft cold breeze
slight smell of crisp rain
chime of sad gray church bells

wooden table dry and aching
chairs tiredly sigh pushed in
tea whittle whirling a moan
tiny china cups clink pleasantly
slender spoon drops sugar cube with soft plop
aroma of warmth and herb
soothe aching shoulders and souls

soft taps of pencil on paper
small crackling sound of opening old book
poetry and words
old letters and songs
float in and out of folds of creased pages

whispering wind among
folded leaves of trees
cloudy gray sky sighs
and lets tears drop onto
Earth and it's inhabitants
drab gray cobblestones and concrete
slickened and made shiny
clip clop of horses' hooves boots
and ladies' heels

tilted head and aching deep eyes
fingers resting ever so gently
on the handle of tiny china cup
dry mouth slightly parted
words hidden in soul
sharing the emptiness and solitude
of those alone
in the world.

What if
God was a side effect
of a lone figure
spread out on soft green grass
smelling the fragrance of willowy flowers in the air
hearing the tinkling of fairies' laughter
a soft airy breeze ruffling it's hair and going on by
a bright muffled sun hidden by floundering stuffed clouds
enlightening the sky with what seems like
streams of heavenly light shining down onto the earth below
and what if the lone figure thought in its mind
of a kind and noble superior
seated upon a throne of golden clouds and shimmering stars  
reigning over the earth's inhabitants
with a clear conscience of goodness and purity
willing It's children the sun prince to spread golden glowing light all over the landscape
and the moon princess to shine silver dancing streams and ignite twinkling stars
and the lone figure might have found itself reveling in such fantasies so much that it seemed more and more real as time went on by in days and years
until the lone figure could not take it anymore
it wanted to share such glorious thoughts for they were too much for just only one person to know
so it told the deer and rabbits
the squirrels and birds
the bears and lions until finally
it told it's children and all the inhabitants around
and the lone figure might have known somewhere in the back of it's mind
that one little thing it forgot to mention to everything it told....
that such fantasies and daydreams might cease to exist....
and the superior being, God, might have just been a side effect of it all.

Dear love,

Enlighten me with your dreams and beliefs,
I, someone who seems to be lost
and in a daze along with the rest of life
need someone to pick me up
and just hold me, very very close
so that I may hear a heartbeat, as reassurance
that people do have hearts.

And just listen to my troubles,
my sorrows, and my faded will
to patch up my broken spirit, spilling tears
like a bottle leaking boiled, age-old water,
help me accept myself
before accepting the way the world is.

Just remind me to do my very best,
that anything worth having
never comes easy, that's it's this way for
every living creature, no matter what they
may be given as soon as they emerge
into the world.

And tell me over and over again
that things aren't always the way they seem
and whenever I feel stuck like a vampire
suffocating in the eternal sands of time,
I have to force myself back up on my feet
and face the world even if it's a tearful face
or a ****** one.

Tell me to look outside, and see life all around;
observe things like an artist, the swirls,
and shades of clouds and rain,
the vivid sweetness of blossoming flowers,
the frosty pureness of feisty snow and ice.

Appreciate like a giver;
the simplicity of an apple among
the artificial sweets that melt in my mind,
and the smile of a fellow human being,
like a ray of hidden sunlight peaking out on a
cloudy day.

As the world gives up,
leaving us to face the beginning of the end,
please hold my hand tenderly
and whisper in my ear, that you'll never lose faith,
in all our genuine and kind moments
that anchored our souls together,
and allowed us to believe that love,
is never-ending.

What do I call that feeling of being trapped,
from all directions, no matter where I turn
the walls are heavily falling in, and the gates leading
somewhere else are closed on me.
I think at some point, I was on a fragile threshold
containing fresh rebel colors
swirled in humbled and sincere (maybe somewhat dumb,
but original) good causes,
I think I felt an embracement of
others and their incredible flawed love,
I saw a pair of eyes that tried to drink in
the colors of deep sunsets illuminating skies
with a fervent longing for the stars representing
a different Galaxy, despite my poor vision
in the darkness
I've discovered there's a simplicity that's hard to explain
and shape into words or figures clear enough
for them to understand-- because it is,
the most simplest feelings that go by
misunderstood, forgotten, or unnoticed
When I first started to find myself
in the acknowledgment of my flaws and the reluctance
of my rational brain to think, while my mind
wanted to expand and reach out towards others,
I've now come down to the realization
of a lone girl's crushed dreams and longings
even before her life began.

And how,
can you tell me
is that possible

My heart is about to burst
love is raining down from the pink sky
cupid can retire for awhile
for I am so overwhelmed that
even the Gods sigh and shake their heads
I want you to hold me
dance with me in the rain
kiss me on the sidewalk
if not too much, take away my pain
for I see everything in heightened senses
when I think of you
your laughter echoes throughout
the universe
your eyes gleam like
sapphire stars in the diamond night sky
your smile
fills me utterly with joy
like the sweet blossoming swell
the sun and moon feel
when they are finally
reunited as one.

Dear you
would you like to know
why you're hurting all
the time why your
bones are aching in pain
the muscles tight and
coiled bound pulled back
the nerves played like
a roughened guitar
the eyes roasted swimming
in darkness of rotten sockets
teeth being pounded upon
like heavy metal smashes down
windpipe trachea crushed in throat
skull trampled on heart ripped out
and soul set ablaze with dread
and pain would you like
to know why you suffer so
its because

you

never

got

it.

I left
because,
I was stressed out
but I came back
with drops of Jupiter
in my hair,

I walked out
covered with a hard shell
but I came back,
sheathed with Venus' rings
that I stole from Aphrodite when
she wasn't looking,

I went because I needed someone
to need me
but I came back with
only my smile
and my words, and my dreams
to make me happy,

I set out
so I could scream at the world,
set it afire with its own lies
relish
in the pain of others,
it was so appealing
to make'em hurt,
but in the end
I came back hurting myself
to save'em,

and I still don't know what happened
for me being high
ultimately brought me back down,

now I'm sitting here
dangling my feet above the lake
tank top and air hugging my midriff,
jean shorts riding my hips
smoking a gray rainbow of cigarettes
nothing but
bears and mountains to keep me company,
but for some reason...
I am happy.

It's been awhile since we've met up
been awhile since you've stopped lighting up my dark eyes
or bringing out my crooked teeth from underneath
my paper thin dreary gray lips
it seems like it's been forever since the day
my lungs were still able to take air for granted
because back then my throat didn't close up
and my lips weren't clamped shut to contain the void
left inside after my voice had fled
I can still vaguely recall how it felt back then
waking up each morning in a light *****, energetic
springy, vibrant body; legs as weightless as twigs
and feet so free like flower petals
with shoulders that would carry the world for someone
because there were not yet any rocks slung at them
and not yet any burdens piled on top
I definitely remember all the colors and the warmth in the breeze
when life was a beautiful huge sunset in the afternoon
and a cascade of freckled stars and shimmering moon
during the night
before the sun suddenly became a signal for the start
of another reluctant day and the night turned into
sorrowful darkness seeping into my bones throughout the night
and I most certainly wish I could step back through the folds of time
and relive that brief yet steady moment
when waking up didn't feel like such a burden
and you were still around tucked in my chest
stocked up with laughter
as the medicine to whatever pain I ended up succumbing to.

I was an open person
but I am afraid now
because of all the misconceptions in the world
so I ask, was it a good idea to show my face
to let everyone know what I look like
or who I seem to be
because they can only make assumptions
so that they may feel like they understand
even when they may be wrong...
so who do you think I am?

Creamy lukewarm milky coffee

coconut herbal black tea

and toasted flaky sesame croissants

keep me company on my lop sided desk

alongside a tattered worn laptop

placed across a stack of crinkly unread books,

whose pages rustle, wreath, and rip

upon hearing the youthful chimes

from my sleek, shiny smart phone

with its masterpiece of shattered glass

sheathed in a case of faded blue flowers,

bewitching my weary entranced eyes

until they reach the very last moment

of their sorry sights,

and my long lost friends emerge

to take my remains,

and scatter them across evergreen tree tops

and delicately dying flower petals

on misty winding mountain peaks

I have a Sad Song
I've memorized the tune,

and although I
sometimes collapse inside
I am still always on my feet,

when I look around
the world is in
different shades

of all kinds of colors,
of all kinds of Utopias

flowering in their own uniqueness,

but they can't coexist

you can only choose
one Utopia to be truly devoted to,

one of where you can walk
the pathways of happiness
by memory, by heart,

I may think everyone
can be friends with me,
but time helped me finally realize
I wouldn't ever be a friend to them,

only people who are the same
who understand
can play the game,

and I think it makes me sad
there will never be a place
of where I truly belong,

never a place to call my home,
never any outstretched arms,
only places of where

I can share my Sad Song.

Sorry for all the things I couldn't give you
the disappointment I turned out to be
not the typical excellent polished gleaming marble statue
but a shy weathered away and graying figure
frozen among such spirited people in the world
forgive me for trying to move along with them
for wanting to live and find myself and others
for not wanting to be a perfectly polished statue frozen in time forever to be adored
then stuffed away in the back of a rusty old shed
then melted away and forgotten what my remains had once been instead
forgive me I'm sorry
that among the lies of your world I was the truth
but I couldn't find the strength within the bottom of my soul
to forgive you and let you know.

You went off to fight
in that far away foreign war,
where the nights are black
mosquito nets lit up by
a thousand fireflies,
where the land is rugged
and unfamiliar with ***** traps
and hidden mines, gleefully waiting
for a slight movement
a shadow extended in the air
to suddenly pull the trigger and explode,
for it is refreshing to take foreign
enemies' lives,
they may be humans with families,
hearts, and broken dreams,
but they're enemies, nonetheless,
if you were looking for pity
you went to the wrong place,
you should have stayed where you belong,
because only people who
understand can care,
and there are scarce people
in the world who happen to be understanding.
You left to face a world
totally foreign and indifferent to you,
and you came back such a different person,
that we took one look at you
and were totally overwhelmed.

I will forever be a wanderer
lightly floating upon people's
forbidden & long forgotten dreams
caressing the smiles that come
and go in a split second when
reminded that there is nothing to rejoice in
I will sit by the foot of your bed
watch over you as you sleep
breathe in and out
chest and stomach rising and falling
air rushing in nose and out mouth
breathe so that I may will you
to do something I was not able to
please
forgive
move on
and live.

Fly free, young girl,
soar high through the air
feel the wind brush your face
and lift off all the world's burdens
you can finally leave all your troubles behind
and feast your eyes on nature's kingdom
and the beautiful, diamond, night sky
you don't have to listen anymore
to their demands and cries
you don't have to cry anymore
from loneliness and fear
there's a place for you, young girl
somewhere out there
and you now have the means
to soar towards your destiny
fly free, young girl,
remember somewhere along the way
how to love and forgive
and remember again the brightness of a new day
and although it hurts
don't forget where you come from
and don't forget
the goodness inside your spirit
fly free, young girl,
and experience for the first time
how it feels to finally begin living for yourself.

Moonlight shimmering
dripping over my closed eyes
I drink silver tears

When you look at me
whether with scorn
or admiration
or vengeance
just remember that I am human too.

I may seem like
a great caring person
I may seem trustful and right
full of hope and as close to perfect
as someone could seem to be
but in reality
there is not much of a difference
between you and me

There will always be something
to hide and to hide from
mistakes are humans and humans bring
fear and make humans fearsome
those eyes and that smile
would never seem to be tear-some
but every second in a while
life is tainted and gruesome

each moment of agony and pain
will never cease to slip away
but the soul will forever be stained
broken and tattered hidden it lays
underneath weary eyelids and dusty fingernails
soft area behind pink velvet ears
along the nape of the neck it'll crawl slip and trail
along the pathway of smiling masks and tears.

This is a story of a family
who despite the world's ways,
were able to stay good people
till their very last days

although she sits upright
she is slipping away,
she can smile and laugh
but everything still hurts
at the end of the day,

she has been bound to
what seems like iron anchors
for most of her life,
first being obedient to
older tyrant brothers
and then being shaped
into an enduring good wife,

she works and twirls the children
balancing both jobs at bay,
attempts to knock sense into a man
who sometimes can't hear what she says,

but that man is also good
and honest, hard working and strong
although age always grows weary of time
so his strength is soon to be gone,

some things he doesn't get
other times he wishes
he could turn back time,
not so that he wouldn't meet her
but so that he could
build for his children
much better lives,

and the children sit there
one being turned into monster
the other not knowing what to do,
just knowing that she wants to be a good person
just wanting to reveal the truth,

to scream out to the world
ask who the hell made it so cruel
why for some, living is for granted
while for others it's a daily gruel,

I'll take care of them
as the world is my witness,
we are good souls
so wash away our human sins
and grant us with forgiveness

for the universe will drag on
and everything will change,
but only once in the lifetime
of a billion suns
will you find us.

For me, the world is very demanding.
Anything that must be faced
with daily care or a special grace
becomes so very tiring and repetitive.
The warm sunlight
and a soft breeze in the clear blue sky
are on the other side of
my closed, covered windows.
I am rooted to one spot
where it is comfortable in the darkness,
where my problems fade into the
grayness,
where my life is not mine to handle,
and I'm so willing to live another's.
It's hard for me to come out,
it's hard for me to pull myself away
back into this world,
where nothing seems to flow in
a harmony that otherwise seems to
exist in the worlds I discover,
streaming from the screen I longingly
gaze at for hours.
There's something missing,
I feel discontented with what is given
rather than cherishing
the life I have the privilege to live.
It's just in my dreams,
I am living different lives, with different moments
and what's difficult to handle while I'm awake,
is so very easy to brush to the side
with a strength I acquire
from dreaming of a world where
my reality
isn't the reality.

When I turned the pages of a book
I was reminded of a friend
who longed for a certain order
in the world,
as this one could never
fulfill the hidden premises
and strange moments with overlapping
sparks of discovery
needed for an artist, or in other words,
a soul who saw through
different lenses,
could never fulfill
the enchanting turns of change and
unexpectedness needed to
ignite an artist's dreams and passions,
if they ever did
make themselves known.

she said winter was her favorite
because it let her cover her flaws
so that whenever you happened to look
all you saw were heavy coats, gloves and scarves
she said leggings were her favorite
because they weren't restricting like jeans
because they let her walk the world
with tender legs and sturdy light feet
she said she wasn't inspired
by the past's woes or the present's time
but she is looking towards the future
to erase her life's lies
to not just longingly sigh
but to be propelled to her dreams
to show the world, life wasn't ever as it seemed to be
for her and to her scars
she will give a toast to alone in the middle of the night.

And I...

I wanna live
not just survive

tonight.

The hands outstretched in front
of me are strong and well developed
yet can be gentle and hardworking
earnest and able to hold on
tight and never let go

the legs and feet I stand upon
are healthy young and
functional and well
are able to go places
can retrace steps and find
the right path to walk on

the face I see every morning
when I wake up and peer
at the mirror above my bathroom
sink is young and emotional
sturdy yet uncertain
a landscape of feelings regret
experience and time

there are so many things I have
so that I may not have to
be so dependent on others
and all the complaints that make
up each second of the world
I won't be made known for
or acknowledged for
such pestering thoughts and
sorrow said aloud

Starting now as much as
I can I'll attempt to not
rely on people so much
to expect too much care
or emotion for anything and
instead just end up
disappointing myself when
having to acknowledge that
nobody cares as much as I
thought they would because
it's me

I will get somewhere in life
without holding onto
someone's hand and without
dreaming of walking along
someone else's pathways or
looking for someone to
satisfy my every demand
because I know there are
no such people for me.

I feel many things,
tilting my head to gaze at the sky in the warmth
of bright sunlight on a chilly, autumn day
the sound of faded orange-red leaves
crunching beneath my feet,

I feel like flying,
suddenly feeling the wind lift me up into
the air and so high until I'm far away,
far from the troubles that weigh me down like
the world on Atlas' shoulders, and suffocate me
like manmade islands spreading on the ocean's surfaces,
far from the sounds of people and things
writhing in agony and their endless desires
that are never met before the time of death arrives,

In the clouds, I won't have that sickness
to restrain me from expanding into the horizon,
the sickness that sprouts from seeds of ignorance
and society's flaws, rapidly shooting out into
weeds of choking anger that suffocates my entire being
and distorts my reflection when I put on makeup
and peer in vain at the me in the mirror,

In the pure fields of grass that sweep
the horizon's grounds as far I can see,
there are no dripping wells of bitterness and remorse
soaking into the roots of blooming flowers,
the ones I will pick and offer to you,

in the hopes that you represent
for all of eternity,
for all of me,
goodness and justice,
freedom and forgiveness,
faith and love.

with you i'm alive
like all the missing pieces
of my soul
they finally collide,
with you i fall
it's like i'm leaving all my past
in silhouettes upon the wall,
with you i'm a beautiful mess
it's like we're standing hand in hand
with all our fears upon the edge,
so stop time right here
in the moonlight,
cause i don't ever wanna
close my eyes

When most things cease to matter one day
and everyone is on the brink
of breaking down,
I'll just rely on the sun
to keep my vision clear
and my hands warm,
be calmed by the rustling of the leaves
swaying in the wind
with the scent of pretty flowers
in the air,
I'll just walk barefoot
on the rich soil of the earth
and each day
reap what I sow,
not bothering to pick up
the fragments of a blistering, burdening
life I left behind
because once a star has exploded,
you can't gather its dust
and try to put it back together again
I'll just drink
from the cool, clear- blue sweet spring
near the field where
the water pump used to be, now all
cracked, rusted, and faded
it's funny how I can't seem to
feel any lingering remorse or sadness
over the familiar things
we've all lost,
maybe they just never were
familiar to me
I'll just hike up a grassy, flowery field
nothing but the wind
whispering into my ear and brushing
against my cheeks
that are tear-free and tinted pink
and oh, will you look at that,
no contacts or glasses to clear my vision
because the sunset in the horizon
between the valley of
the blue, white crested mountains
and the endless expense of twinkling starry night skies
are for everyone to see
and for some reason, I don't care anymore
about being alone,
there is so much more spirit to just
appreciating everything
you have,
with nothing to represent except life
and no purpose to fulfill except for living with open eyes
and a clear mind,
I'm too overwhelmed
to ever feel alone ever again,
to ever question my place in this universe.

Once upon a time
in a distant culture,
people's feet were bound.

Although society
has since accepted big feet,

now, it is our minds
that are bound instead.

As the years go by
and my mind abides
to the pressures complied
by society's twisted lies,
I will remember you.

You who lent me a hand,
you who reminded me who I am
who told me to stay strong and pretend
that everything will last to the end
so that I wouldn't ever have to be
left alone again.

The world is broken
the inhabitants are blank
have a stranger's pity as a token
of our low and regretful ranks

in the minds of the intelligent
in the shoulders of the brave
in the arms of the resilient
in the souls of the saved

I witness the pain
and anger and fear
of the day it will rain
those sad empty tears

the rivers will dry up
the flowers will fade
softness will become tough
and hearts will decay

but souls will hover
and love will always stay
and beings will discover
the dawn of a new day

As every morning I rise
tilt my head towards the sky
see your face in the clouds
say your name out aloud
wait for awhile
for my weary old smile

as the sun gives a tour
of the world you died for
as my life continues on
pass the beings long gone,

I will remember you.

Somewhere deep within
I knew I was lost and left behind
as everyone around me continued
on and found something new
All I knew was I wanted
to bloom into a worthy
flower among the weeds and everlasting bitterness of sharp unyielding thorns
I tried to fight the rising
tide of panic as the walls closed
in around me and everyone's
misconceptions showed in
the corners of slitted eyes
The shimmering sunlight among
the dark threads of the ocean
were always within my reach but
I being the unthorough coward
was never able to figure out
how to let myself bathe under the light
and instead could only sigh longingly
appreciating the translucent fragile balance from afar
now I am thinking every second
dreaming every dream to ever come my way
my petals get more wilted
and my stem bends a little bit more every time
but my soul at the very bottom of my heart
is helping me inch towards that tender magnificent light
that will pour into my very being
nourishing cleansing freeing from any pain
and scattering my profound enlightened seeds
into the soil thriving in the great light of
the dawn of a new age.

My thoughts are jumbled up pieces
of scattered paper
tissue soden brains and
flecks of dusty gold
flung across peaks and valleys
of snowy isolated mountains
rapidly floating upon
a commoner's luxurious terrace
a dog's humane mannerly gentleness
a young one's elderly smile.

The wine glass gracefully twirls round
and round, and cherry maroon polished fingertips
slightly tremble with coldness, reaching up
to wipe away glassy tears from frosty lashes
cool winds drift in from tall windows left ajar,
gently cradling a long mane of black, shimmering hair

in the white full moon's silver light and
the star's distant twinkles, there is a penetrating,
mournful howl of a lone wolf in the distance
and drops of cooled, flowing tears sinking to
the bottom of the crystal gray lake,
a silent plea for the being in the empty night of darkness
to arrive,

I float on top of my plush, pale violet colored armchair
a lovely book, Wuthering Heights, placed face down
on my lap, a cigar tray with rich, lush scents and
opal colors shining in the lamplight,
but no cigars to be found
the silver clock humbly reaches midnight over
an eternity of jaded, silent emptiness coated over the
stillness of cold air in the spacious room

I sit here, gazing out towards the
winding valleys, feeling a dazed, small tingling sensation
of stifling envy towards the soft, yellow twinkling lights
in the distance,

the old wooden houses huddled together in times of life,
perhaps in that small, soft, cozy village of warmth,
someone is leaning on their windowsill, gazing
at the lone silver-black mansion sleeping atop
a stooping mountain in the distance, pondering
about the very lonely, tear struck, silent person....

pondering about me....

oh, it seems no matter what I do,
I am misunderstood and judged by my flaws,
condemned as if I don't possess a heart,
I am left feeling dazed with a cold emptiness
settled around my chest, maroon painted fingernails
and wine are more beautiful than blood,

*I crave not just a set of arms to last,
but a moment of understanding,
an enlightened place of belonging,
and a warm place to call home.

But I still stay,

cause you're the
only thing
I know.

So won't you take

oh,

won't you
take me home.

You can hold my hand,

and I can give you
my heart,

so won't you

look into
the depths of my soul

and languish in the dark,

And I'm still finding,

where I can belong

so won't you
find me,

an' know who I am.

And I still stay,

cause you're the
only thing
I know.

So won't you
take,

*oh,

won't you take me home.

Sometime ago she existed,
trailing length of sky blue silk
milky pearls and jasmine flowers
twinkling wrinkles around starry eyes,
as she humbly gazed up towards a
full and sensuous moon
amidst the crumbling city walls,
the ever changing landscapes of
destruction and remorse,
sometime ago he existed,
folds of white linen
perfectly creased pants and
sturdy mass boots fitting strong legs,
he stood raising towards the
almighty fiery sun,
taking the vows of a greater
spirit and an honorable duty
amidst the hurling arrows,
jabbing swords and
doubtless bullets,
sometime ago I understood
what it meant to be a good person,
what to believe and how to behave,
but now I can no longer hear
the cry of my inner spirit,
the sound of the crashing waves,
the desolate sorrow of the
greater good's longing,
I can't tell of whether
nice or awful people,
can't speak words of hope
and expressions of gratitude,
can't see straight in the eye
of those blind who were once
able to see because I have
became a person who used to see
but is now blind and deaf,
I don't know how to answer
the world anymore
because I lost myself
a long time ago,

But sometime ago
I existed.

I don't want to be one of the gods
for it is they
who must bear the weight
of eternity's anguish and despair
and best of all
no one to pray to
and call for help.

life is like
a jumbled up dis-assortment of ropes
all tangled up together  
squeezing the life out of each other
loosening ties and letting go
shaping in daggers, poised sharply in the air
forming into hearts, developing into care
some are question marks
for the infinite number of possible loops in the world
others twirl and dance
looking for solitude in the mess,
life is like questioning good or bad
how they merged like two rivers into an endless ocean
brimming with shiny remorseful fish
the beams of sunlight can only reach so far
into the depths of the sea,
life is like two people seated across from each other
questioning their sincerity
asking when their threads started to unravel
or when they started to tangle and seem alive,
life is like me
sending my love out to someone a thousand miles away
because we are all people
who need to love and be loved.

Although we take steps
forward day by day
there are those who
will always find themselves
staying among the past
bindings of lost time
and sorrow and gratitude
of those who have yet
to catch up with the
real wonders of life
still in that region of
where a golden life is
all that matters
still need to work their
way to the threshold
that darkens the golden
rays of life so to open
the eyes of those who
are so blind and are still
there lost in old times.

I look up at the stars
oh, how lonely we are tonight
trails of silver moonlight
streaming down our faces,

we weep for the lost joys
in life, the ones kept hidden
and never found, whatever
they may be, we dream
one day they will be free,

to share their joy and
take away our emptiness,
longing, and sadness
why should the world
be such a bitter place,
why should we have to live
in such sorrow, when
there could always be
a better tomorrow,

why is this simple thing
this one warm ray of light,
this simple cherishing smile
able to capture the fleeting
moment and hold it against
one's beating heart,

why is it so hard to find
why is it never permitted
to shine, why is it always
misinterpreted, and
mistaken for many other
things?

my sanity floats upon
the single lovely flute tune
riding on the soft breeze
fluttering through my open
window
on a clear, starless diamond
night sky

You stupid ignorant people
who make up my life
are making me die
slowly inside bit by bit over time
so much to say to me
with more misunderstandings
and biased viewpoints
then there are truths and care
I never did anything but be born
in a universe like this
where the miracle change
seems to be too rare and empty
to have any effect on these ignorant beings.

I can be anything
because the price
of my pride is so
great and vast...
but it will cost
everything in the world.

Anger is the little red devil
with hornet's wings and
sharp young horns
perched upon one's shoulder
whispering foul resentful hatred
into a eager manipulated ear

as the intensity rises
the mouth becomes
twisted grim and set
with clenched teeth brimming
of lucid seething words
eyes exploding fiery from sockets
glaring the look of accusing
nostrils flaring and
rushing out steam with
great intakes of restricted trapped air
tongue sharp and flicking
throat vibrating with
low rumble of canine growl
clenched fists slash out
dripping ink from wallpapers
hurling objects across room
smashing destroying throwing away
bits and pieces of lifeless innocent objects

afterwards the soul is
completely drained and empty
back is bent and slouching
lungs contradicting small breaths
mouth shut eyes watery
inner workings of heart
lining of stomach
still and faded
drabness and realization

even though I have never
witnessed my anger
face to face
I can only imagine
there must not be
a sight more grotesque and pitiful
in the world.

From this moment,
I begin to hope things will change for the better.
That, perhaps, I will make it through this week
without wishing for each day to end as quickly as possible,
without feeling as my life is on repeat
and I am stuck living in the motions,
while valuable moments full of potential and people
being guided by a different life,
slip on by far from my grasp.
Maybe I will actually complete every piece of work
in a timely manner, and prepare well for what the future holds,
instead of dwelling in wasted times of the past
and the sorrow of the present.
I will intensely stare at these words on pages
until my eyes bleed out of my sockets
from burning holes in the paper,
and my brain begins to unravel.
I will concentrate so hard, that even the air around me
will pulse with determination.
I will flow efficiently from one place to the next,
without observing other people and re-enforcing
the sensations of insecurity and self conscious as I do each day.
I will not scorn others for what they have, nor envy them,
but I will be grateful for each moment I live,
the words I exchange between the people I care about,
and the hidden beauty of everything that is in store for my future.

We are the lost ones
boundlessly floating and jumping
off of people's cliffs of misinterpretations
reaching out to hands and never letting go

We are on a diet of scornful looks
raised eyebrows and
furrowed disappointments

We are the ones who
aren't afraid of being truly
happy and accepting towards
the hidden or non-existent wonders
of the world and we see it as
a priority to race against time
and let the good memories reign on

We are massive curly round
full teethed laughter and radiance
brightness and darkness combined
a thirsty seething fire in our eyes
rapid snarky tongues
and beating thumping full hearts

Let them shake their heads
sigh with sadness and let go
rant and heave and hurl
gaze with confused pitiful looks

For we are too good
too unique and beautiful
in-ordinary and beastly
for them to ever completely
understand.

Oh I feel so angry yet numb,
     my nerves are teetering in the rush,
my eyes flashing like crazed
     brim stones set on fire,
yet it's just a cold ache
     a burning numb sensation,
as I revel in others'
pitiful,
       anguishing,
               strikingly cold and grinding hot,
                                     ignorance.