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You said you wanted to
Know me better
So here I go:

I've got exactly 28 pens
I know because I counted

I've got too many notebooks
Yet I can't stop
Buying more and more

Sometimes when it's 4 am
And my mind is
Driving me to the brink
Of total insanity
I take 3 showers
to try and calm myself down
(It never works)

I like apple juice but I hate apples

I've never been good in math

There are too many
Cigarette burns
On the crook of my elbow
And scars on my thighs
and demons in my head

I love the smell of cinnamon

Once when I was 15
I drank blue paint
Because I think blue is beautiful
And I wanted to be beautiful too

That didn't work

So I drank a bottle of bleach
To clean my very core

It didn't work either

Now you know me better
I understand if you'd want
To run away now
It's okay
Save yourself
Run
Wrote this on a paper napkin at a Chinese restaurant today
Laying next to you
On the pavement
Watching you count the cars
Rushing mere
Millimeters away from us
I realized there is a god
Just not the god
Everyone keeps on talking about

I don't think god has
White flowing robes
And clouds at his feet

I can see god
Drinking hot cocoa
When his apartment
Feels a little too big
Because it reminds him
Of home

I can see god
Buying pink peonies
To put on his father's grave
Every first Thursday
Of the month
Because Thursday
Was his favorite day

I closed my eyes
For a split second
I saw the face of god
And darling,
it looked a lot like yours
i was brutally attacked      
                                    the other day
though people were unable to see my wounds                                                                      
           i was assaulted by                                  words            
strung together in careless sentences

                                                                           they made vicious weapons
                                                                         of various differences
these word solders lined up                              
ready and eager                                                  
when they attacked                                            
it was      graceful and ruthless                                                            

the solders              
                                                                                     burnt
my mind          
                                                                      slashed
my self-consciousness                                  
left my feelings                    
                                                                                     gasping for breath
pummeled my heart                                                                                

the      wielder     of these       word solders
     was        blind         to my        brimming tears
                                          and        hurt expressions

as my attackers continued      
                                  to rip my insides

i had to                                          
protect my fort
from      further damage              

i      ushered      my mind into a       cellar,
carried my                                          
self-consciousness and gasping feelings    
                                                              into the doors of my heart
here:                
it was total lockdown
windows   were                            shuttered
doors    were                          double locked

my     retreat     was    noticed
they now knew damage was done
but not the
                              spectrum it was on
they knew enough to see                       it hurt.

they strolled up to my heart in      lock-down
slowly     with a     white flag
      as they came closer i                                                             unlocked and looked    
through the peephole
there they were
asking    "what's wrong?"
saying     sorry    in a       roundabout way

i      opened   the door for them to       enter
we      embraced
i took a      closer look at the     flag
                                                                             it was           white
but around the edges
                                                                             it was               red

there would be  more attacks  where this came from

//... //
 Jul 2013 Willow-Anne
Emma S
I lost myself when you found her
I was living on a hope
I was hoping you wouldn't realize who I was
I was hoping you wouldn't see me
Not the way I truly am

Ugly
Disgusting
Scared

When you finally saw me
The real me you did what everybody was waiting for
You ran away and never looked back

You didn't look back at the heart
Broken shattered in a million pieces
You didn't look back at the tears
You didn't look back to see the scars you created
You didn't look back to see me
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