you are not the smell before rain, you are a ******* hurricane. you tore through every ******* wall I put up and now I'm left with broken pieces of your old coffee mug and ripped receipts with ****** I love you's written drunkenly on the back. my hands are numb but my mind is as sharp as the razor blade that kisses my wrist and I'm cutting up my arms trying to cover up the slashes you left on the inside of my collapsing rib cage but nothing pierces through me the way your ice blue eyes did when I woke up next to you. my head is spinning from brandy and coke and your voice is ringing in my ears and my eyes are burning but I haven't slept in two weeks. I started binge drinking tea instead of liquor and I guess that's a good thing although I'm just poisoning my heart with caffeine instead of my liver with alcohol. maybe I should start reading again but I'm only attracted to the beautiful things that are constantly destroying me.

There was a soldier I once knew
He was a strong man in camo
He would tell me stories till I sleep
And he would sleep beside me

Every morning at 7 am
Bacon and eggs and juice on the table with him
Then he would go to work
And I would work with my Xbox

Then at lunch he would call me
And ask me if I am fine
I would say "yes, sir"
And he would tell me he's coming home late

Then one day he told me he's going to the battlefield
I told him to stay with me so he won't die
But he said he's doing it for the country
And he left me with tears streaming down on my face

As he left me for the battlefield
I would pray to God to let him live
And hoped for my prayer to be answered
As I wait day after day

Then the unexpected happened
There was a military soldier who knew me from my favorite soldier
He gave me a letter with folded marks on it
And it said that he was killed in action

I was in deep grief and pain
He was my hero from the start
And when I heard he was killed in action
I started to cry in my room

His funeral was not far from where I live
As I went in the room where his casket was
Everybody approached me and gave me condolences
And I would accept that he sacrificed his life for me and the country

And as we are going to his burial
We all mourned for it
As he entered his grave
I mourned the most

He was one of my greatest figures I looked up to
And now that I know he will never come back
I would always remind myself
That he is my hero from this point onwards