It's that time of the year
Where we just do our daily routines
It feels different, but it doesn't feel right
Has something changed? I think not

Day and night
Work, work, work
Going home
Reading Japanese mangas and doing homework

I feel like the life I have hasn't changed one bit
It feels like I'm inside three layers of walls
Waiting to roam around "The Outside World"
As if we're gonna be learning something on the inside

I am no God
I am no Captain America
I am no superhero
I am not perfect

I make mistakes
I commit sins
I make errors
I've done stupid things

Trust me
I've been through this
And I tend to give up
But I still kept going

Being human is fun
Learn from your mistakes
We live and learn
Stay positive and keep your head above water

Months after his passing
I was broken, beat, and bruised
I don't know what to feel
As I sat in silence in a dark room

Demons haunt me
I hear their voices
Life in general was pointless
So I thought suicide was the option

Sleepless nights
Heavy thinking
I hear my demons over and over again
No point in living anymore

Death has found me
And it wants me to take my life as I broke down
I see shadows of my past
With a hint of blood

I've seen my own shadows
They walk in dark pastures
As they head to the Valley of Shadow of Death
My eyes are set to close as I breathed heavily

Until one day
There was a light of hope gazing through my eyes
I see a hand reaching out to me
With a voice saying "My son, come back to me"

I broke down in tears
As I held His hand with my blood all over
He spoke to me and said
"You are loved by My love"

I repented for what I did
And after hearing His voice and holding His hand
I found the courage to keep on living
And endure the journey no matter what the circumstances

I have finally broken my silence
With open wounds, dry blood, and a used knife
My eyes were staring at my limbs
I broke down in tears with agony

I knew I am loved by a God who loves me for who I am
I just didn't see it
After months of agony
I have found a reason why I deserve to live

Do not cut with no reason
Do not cut with pain
Do not cut with no emotion
Do not cut with no blood

Do not cut without a blade
Do not cut with a blunt end
Do not cut with a smile
Do not cut without meaning

Cut when there's a dark room
Cut when it's necessary
Cut when you're alone
Cut when you're in doubt

Cut with sharp ends
Cut with blood
Cut with reason
Cut with meaning

I always find myself at the edge of a cliff
Wondering how will I keep on going
How will I endure this war
If I am not ready to fight

I see myself isolated in a room
Taking notes on how to survive
As I see myself on the mirror
I see a demon waiting for me to die

I hear voices in my head
Where they smell fear in me
I can feel their claws running down my skin
As they are ready to take my soul

Their tails are as sharp as a double-edged blade
Ready to stab me through the heart
I don't know if I'm willing to trust myself if I will live
My entire life's on the line

I'm praying that nothing happens to me
My friends
My family
And to my beloved

Sleepless nights conquer me
I try to find answers around me
But I can't find any
I've wasted every second

I don't what to do anymore
Maybe I'm ready to die
I just don't know when
I'm full of doubts

What do I trust in life
Myself or the past
Whether I try to break free
I end up stepping back

No surprise that I'm moving back
As if I'm imprisoned in a time machine
All my effort to move forward
Is left behind

I've been fatally wounded by a blade
As my blood oozes out
Memories of my past stimulates my body
My eyes hurting and body weakening

Pressure to forget traumatization has entered
My memory tries to fight back
But they are outnumbered
As they fall apart one by one

I've been driven to dark highways
Driven to underground tunnels
Driven to the fiery depths of hell
Driven to the past

Let me sleep eternally in my casket
I believe that there's no time
For me to keep going

I don't know how long will this take
So please
Leave and let me go

I've done enough
To survive this fight
I don't have the strength
To go on

My time has come
Forget all the wrong that I've done
Let me leave you with this
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

I still remember everything
Those times where we would eat out with my mother
Giving me money when we meet
Those were the fun times

Few years later
I heard you had cancer
The rarest of them all
And the kind that can't be cured

It sunk my heart like the Titanic
I was just lost for a second
And I was in deep thought
That would you still live with me and my mother

I prayed to God everyday
To keep you here on this planet
I prayed so hard
That I want you to stay

It's been 9 years that you fought it
Been praying to God day in and day out
To keep you alive
9 years

I got a phone call from a relative
I asked if she's out of her hospital bed cured
He said that she's gone
And my heart exploded like the World Trade Center at 9/11

Few months later
I saw you in a casket
Brought a couple of my friends to know who you were
And they already know

I knew that it would be the last time seeing you
Which was the hardest part
I got comfort from my friends
Especially God

Seeing you being buried was the part where I tried to hide my tears
But I didn't cause it's your time to be with the Lord
I was the one who cried the most
And it was hard leaving you

Then I realized that life goes on
No matter how much I wanted you to stay
I'll see you again in Heaven
Rest in peace, Virginia

There are so many gaining in life
But there are more of losing than gaining
You'd probably not know what I'm talking about
I'm talking about gaining and losing relationships

I know what's it like to have a relationship with someone
Laugh at the jokes, talking through call and text, going out
But the question I keep asking myself
Will I gain something or lose it

There are times I see people holding hands, giving out gifts on 2/14
Watch movies, go to a quiet place to talk, lean on each other's shoulders
I like the fact that there really is love
But then I keep asking is it going to gain or lose something

I'm still a kid who really wants to be in a relationship
As a high schooler, studying is the priority
But then someone from church brought me to life
And she could be the one I'm looking for

She is so pretty and my words are unexplainable
Her beauty blazed out a new flame
I was caught in the fire, but I didn't die
Because I knew that she is the one

God's not dead
Bring out the trumpets and drums
He is coming to this earth
To save all living things

God's not dead
He's definitely alive
Bring out all the creatures
To let them see Him

God's not dead
He is bringing Salvation
He will save us all
Through the rough waves

God's not dead
Shout His name through the world
Send a message that will be seen and heard
Until His second coming

God's not dead
He saved us 2000 years ago
He shed His blood for us
And He is the reason why we still live

God's not dead
He died for us
And was brought back to life
And He's in Heaven watching us

God's not dead
He was brought back to life
He makes darkness tremble and fall
And brings light to all of us

God's not dead
He's awesome in power
Greater than great
And the longest living Man alive

God's not dead
I am positive with it
He's living in us
Roaring like a lion

God's not dead
Let all earth rejoice
And use our mouth to praise
His True and Undeniable Words

God's not dead
Let us remember that
He is the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

Many times
I know my own worth
Nobody can break me
Despite my one wing

I can fly
Despite this world full of cyborgs
Even when I am created as one
I am a one winged angel
With a cybernetic half

I carry a yin-yang symbol
Within my system
Knowing I am half cyborg and angel
Many questions linger my mind

It may sound off
But I am neither
For I have my  own battle scars to show
Because I've been in two wars

So tell me
What am I
At the end of the day
I'm just a cyborg with one wing of hope

I wish I could turn back time
Where I had my happiness
My happy place
My peace

Now that it's taken away from me
I am lost
Stranded
And depressed

I don't know if there's hope for me
I can't even think straight
I've lost what I found
And I can't find my true source

I am in pain
My heart beats slowly
It's ailing with sadness
And I'm dying

I need help
I'm sinking in darkness
I can't do it alone
Help me

It may sound strange at first
But it doesn't when I realize it
I feel her presence when I'm alone
Though she may not be there personally

She is in my dreams and in my lone hours
She can't be seen in the dark, unless I visualize it with eyes closed
She can't be seen in the day, but rather in the night
Because she can make my sorrows and pain go away

She can brighten dark tunnels
She guides me through the fears
She heals my scars
She takes all my burdens away

It may sound weird
But I'm really feeling her presence
When I feel alone
I just think of her next to me

I never knew we would bond instantly
From "just being friends" to "more than just friends"
Why did it even happen
I hope there'll be a time that we'll know why

I want to hold your hand so I won't let you go
I want to wrap you around my arms to keep you warm
I want to kiss you to comfort you from hurting
I want to hug you to protect you from harm

I mean what I say
I don't want to sugarcoat the reality
They may not notice what you've been through
But I do, believe me

I knew that I would say it before I wrote it
Cause I thought that we could be something
I wish that our hearts would synchronize its beat
I wish it could be us

I know it hurts so much
For me to hear you say it
Though I understand you
We must move on by then

It's hard for me to process
But I have to face it all
In order for me to move on
I have to erase our memories together

The first time I met you
It felt like we were meant to be
My heart was skipping a beat
As I approached you with confidence

We began going out in a low-key manner
Still with friends
Getting to know you slowly
And getting comfortable with one another

Until one day
You gave me a text that we need to meet
I felt the excitement jumping in me
Only to find out that it was the complete opposite on that Saturday

You said you weren't ready and we're still young
I told my intentions to you
But that would mostly be the last time I talked to you
And see you

I know that someone else will love you much better than me
His efforts would mean much more than mine
I pray that you'll remember all the good times we had together
And now it's time for me to tell you that it's time to let me go

It's 00:05
I still can't sleep
Is there something in my head
That makes me not want to sleep
It's a complex mind that I have

No voices
Just a hollow mind
Or is it
I can feel something's going on
It just doesn't feel right

Am I to say that I have feelings to compensate
Maybe I guess
It's not insomnia either
But what could it be

My high school crush
Is about a year younger or the same age
She is a girl with a beautiful smile on her face
And she's the girl I keep thinking of

She is the same girl that I envisioned in my dreams
I want to admit my feelings to her but it's too early
Cause we're not in our season to be in a relationship
And we're still in high school

All I know is that I have to protect my heart
And let God protect her heart as well
Cause I don't want anything bad to happen
And I don't want to end up being manipulated

I wanna save myself from falling in love
But I feel like that she went in my heart in an instant
And that feeling I wanna let my emotions to come out
But they're living inside a jar where I could just play with them

I feel like I should not worry about this now
Because I'm still a student
And what may the future hold
I will not worry about the future and I will still live in the present

Oh what have I done
I have betrayed my own
How could it be
I shall hide and depart

Take what you need
Leave no trace behind
Play it safe
No turning back

I am ashamed of my doing
What have I become
I have played the victim
For the devil's deed is done

Will God save me now
I fear for what's to come
I shall run faster
Until I have nowhere to run
And die in abandonment

It was weeks since she passed
As if she was one of the victims of The Snap
Shades of Infinity War
It's been a gloomy year

I thought it'd be the year of rainbows and unicorns
But tables turned early
As it started off with grey skies and heavy rain
Not even a ray of sunshine in sight

Continuous pouring and mourning
Not even a single sight of happiness
A casket with her body in it
Lying breathless in her eternal sleep

Friends and family gather around
To look at her for the last time
As the eulogy commenced
There was a sense of joy after

Then I knew from that day
There's a celebration after all
For every mourning there's dancing
As worship songs were playing

We all know she's in Heaven
No more pain
No more crying
No more hurting

She's lifted off in the happiest place
We may not know when will we see her again
But one thing's for sure
She's with our Creator

Red is a sign of valor
The color of my haemoglobin
And the color of the Reality Stone

Red is an unstable color
My eyes have seen too much
I’ve seen everything
My reality is cursed

Red is the bloodshed on the ground
Nobody to scream for help
Not even a single person alive
My world is broken

Red is a sign of hopelessness and abandonment
I will keep on fighting until I really have nothing left
I will stand and never back down
Until I fight and bleed no more

Just when I thought that my world was at peace
I was wrong
My reality was cursed with just one red stone

Red is a curse
I only see blood and nothing else
As my blood flow comes out of my flesh
I see nothing but the reality of this world

Red is the color of my traumatic past
I see myself on the corner
Scarring myself on my left arm
My blood was held accountable for my PTSD

3 am
And still up
What must be going on
I must wonder

Deep silence
With just a small breeze of wind
I walk towards the valley of shadows
As I begin my mysterious journey

I ask myself
Why am I doing this
Who knows
The answer may be up ahead

My mind blanks out
Staring from afar
As I try to move
I remain paralyzed

Oh, how did I end up like this
I shouldn't have gone out
I might be either seeing the graveyard
Or the Warzone itself

1 AM
Still awake
Walking down 9th Avenue
Wondering where I'm going

I lost track of my steps
Now I am just wandering
Few steps later
I'm at 32nd

Oh you doubtful
When will you ever realize
That this journey has meaning
And are you willing to see it

Look up
You're getting there
Keep walking
Till the sun comes back up

Stop looking for girls that would make you feel better
You always come around and call it quits if all else fails
Their hearts are fragile like a castle of glass
And it can't be fixed once it shatters

What's your intention to be in a relationship with her
To show-off your friends that she's the one
To bring her on dates
Or get married to her in the future

If you are in a relationship with her with no intentions
Why are you even in a relationship in the first place
If you are in one with no intentions
You're not making any sense at all

Advice from me to you
Be friends with her
Wait for her
And guard your heart

The girl I'm thinking of
Is who I see in school everyday
In church every Friday
And in my dreams

The memory of her is never removed
There are times that I want to talk to her
There are times I want to hold her hand
And there are times that she might be with someone else

I don't know if my heart is playing games with me
I just feel like I'm falling in love with her
I'm conflicting my emotions since Day 1
And I can't take the pain anymore

I want to admit it to her that I like her
But I can't cause I know it's too early
And she would just ignore me and never talk to me
Then there will the time that I'll inflict pain

There was a time that I was in pain
She came to me, concerned, asking me if I was okay
I was silent, not a word to be said
And as she comforted me, she asked me to hold her hand

That feeling when I touched her hand
It snapped, that feeling snapped
I knew that it would happen
Just one touch, I fell in love in an instant

As I lay on my bed
Two to three hours later
I feared that "it" happened

I hear eerie voices in my head
The cold air touching my smooth skin
Eyes bloodshot without even daring to blink
For he is after me

Smoke coming in underneath the door
The hard knocking of the door
With a deep demonic voice of demand
Screaming, "LET ME IN!"

From that moment
I froze
Not a single sound to be heard
Not even one step

But low and behold
He found his way in me
"Welcome to your living nightmare!"

As I stared at my reflection
I began seeing visions
Visions that no other human being can see
With the naked eye

I've seen my past and future
I will never survive this tyranny
From that night
I knew I had to do

Goodbye, world
May your light never shine upon me again
Because once I am gone
Nobody will remember me

There was a soldier I once knew
He was a strong man in camo
He would tell me stories till I sleep
And he would sleep beside me

Every morning at 7 am
Bacon and eggs and juice on the table with him
Then he would go to work
And I would work with my Xbox

Then at lunch he would call me
And ask me if I am fine
I would say "yes, sir"
And he would tell me he's coming home late

Then one day he told me he's going to the battlefield
I told him to stay with me so he won't die
But he said he's doing it for the country
And he left me with tears streaming down on my face

As he left me for the battlefield
I would pray to God to let him live
And hoped for my prayer to be answered
As I wait day after day

Then the unexpected happened
There was a military soldier who knew me from my favorite soldier
He gave me a letter with folded marks on it
And it said that he was killed in action

I was in deep grief and pain
He was my hero from the start
And when I heard he was killed in action
I started to cry in my room

His funeral was not far from where I live
As I went in the room where his casket was
Everybody approached me and gave me condolences
And I would accept that he sacrificed his life for me and the country

And as we are going to his burial
We all mourned for it
As he entered his grave
I mourned the most

He was one of my greatest figures I looked up to
And now that I know he will never come back
I would always remind myself
That he is my hero from this point onwards

My mind has been made up
I will wait for the day that I will see you again
You died for a reason
And you didn't die in vain

Our brotherhood will never break
From friend to brother
We've been friends from the beginning
And I will never forget you

You left me with a promise
I will make that promise happen
I will do this for you
For we are brothers

When I saw you being buried
I mourned for you
Because you mean so much to me
And I want you to know that

It's been 19 long years
Since we became friends
This year is our 20th
Although I am not with you

We had lots of fun back in the day
But that's the past
We went on our separate ways
And I know it's for the best

We are still brothers
From beginning to end
We are still brothers
No matter what happens

We may in different dimensions
But I know that you are looking at me from above
You've been looking after me since we were young
Now it's my time to become independent

I will fulfill the promise we both made
I will do everything I can to accomplish it
This poem is dedicated to you, old friend
Till we meet again

Everywhere, I see happiness
And I'm just alone in a room
With nobody to look for
And the happiness is gone in my heart

When I walk, I see people smiling
When I watch movies, it has happy endings
When I sleep, I think of the happy people
When I wake, I'm still lonely

All year I wait for a Valentine letter
But nothing ever changed and I can't even see her
She doesn't seem to notice me
As if I'm invisible to her

All I want is some attention
But all I get is tension
When I think of her
She doesn't think of me

Why do we have be like this
I feel like something could be wrong
Could this "relationship" thing be real
Or is this just another game I pretend to play

I don't know if we really are meant to be
I just really don't know
I can't go on like this
Let me tell you why I can't be in a relationship

One, I'm not ready
Two, I'm not committed
Three, I'm not planning to marry you
Last, I don't love you

Why can't it be us
It's because we're humans looking for ways to be loved
Don't let your feelings tell you that he or she is the one
But rather let your feelings say "I will wait no matter how long it'll take"