tag
itch, itch, itch
scratch
wiggle

this isn't working

i want to learn

the shape your lips make when you sleep
and how they feel on my neck

how my hand fits in yours

what you do when you're nervous

how it feels to run my fingers through your hair

what your voice sounds like first thing in the morning,
right after you wake up

the weight of your arm over my shoulders

if you sing in the shower

if you're the sort of person who makes their bed every day

i want to learn all these things about you,

some things you wouldn't take the time to notice about yourself

and the things that nobody would ever notice about you
unless they were as in love with you
as i am.

it feels like the knives
are calling to me
across the room

like my skin is begging me
to slice it open

*spill a little blood,

please

the earth is waking up

coming back alive after
being covered with a
cold, wet blanket
for so long

it puts a little bit of
wonderful
in everything

the earth is coming alive again
and so am i

you can tell by their eyes.
the way they look at you.

even if it is just a passing glance from
a stranger on the street

you can tell.

maybe i love you
because i know
that i can't have you

because i know that you will never love me

maybe that is the reason
i'm always falling in love
with the ones i can't have

purely because
them loving me
in return
is not an option

physical weight
emotional weight

it's all something significant

i think about you
all the time

i imagine the way
you would look at me if you loved me.
the way you would purposefully
brush past my elbow
when we passed by each other.
the way you would say my name,
cherishing the sound in your mouth.

i wonder if you ever
think about
me.

this day is full of
fake love
plastic hearts
stress
loneliness
unanswered questions
sadness
and self pity

created by a
brand - name business
so they could
get more money
from the poor suckers
who fall for this crap

most of what they created
is pain and misery


(i'm just in it for the chocolate)

a messy bun
lots of silver rings
black nail polish
string bracelets
   to remind me of
            who
   and where
             i've been
as well as silver bracelets
      for the noise
a too-big flannel
toms,
a toe ring
and ripped jeans

this is who i am.

your friends keep leaving you
they walk away to
"talk"
or something stupid like that

i'll be with my friends
somewhere nearby

watching you kick a soccer ball around

wishing
with all my heart
that i had the courage to
wander over there
and start up a conversation

people all around
never seen them before
but now,
you are sharing
a breathing space
a living space

not forever,
only for this little bit of time
maybe a minute or two,
maybe an hour or two

moments that seem insignificant

really are
immeasurably important

i've resigned myself to the fact
that i will never be able to truly love anyone
until you're completely, utterly gone

sometimes
my textbooks
turn into
gibberish
and i have no idea
what they are trying to tell me

sometimes
things just happen
out of the blue.

you never see them coming,
never know how to react.

we formed sounds
in our mouths

we spoke words
made up of letters

we told each other things
that were of some significance
to at least one of us

we trusted each other
to hear the words we were saying,
to understand the meaning,
to hold the memory of that moment.

you go about your day
oblivious to all the people
who are madly in love with you

is it just because i want to
save you?

if i love you,
i want it to be because i love you,
not because i need to.

i've had fluttery things in my stomach
all day
because of you

i get so nervous.
everyone else, i can deal with.
easily.
so easily.

but you,
you're different

i get that feeling
whenever you say so much as
say a word to me

nevermind
talking to me in the hallway
then texting me after school
and keeping it going
for hours

i don't know what to do
i can't deal with this
what am i supposed to do?

you are the smell before rain,
you are the anticipation of what is to come

you are the shapes that i see in the morning
        when i rub my eyes,
you are the start of each new day

you are the sky at midnight,
you are beautiful and mysterious

you are quiet summer nights
     after days full of sun
   and excitement,
you are the feeling of being
       happy
           with everything
  just
   the way
  it
         is

your beautiful eyes closed,
lashes holding on to the last
droplets of water
from your tears

hours of crying
heart-wrenching sobs
howls escaping from between your lips
sounds i didn't know you could make

your entire body shook

i held you up
when your body gave out

i lay you down,
put my arm around you

you were so exhausted
the physical toll from your emotional weight was visible

tears streaming down your cheeks,
face contorted
noiseless screams echoing in your mind

i lay there,
brushing the hair out of your face
and wiping the tears off your cheeks
late into the night

that has to mean something,
right?

i can't decide how i feel about you.
i've never had to deal with you like this before.

i'm afraid of what might happen
i'm afraid that you might not feel the same anymore
i'm afraid that i'm misinterpreting my emotions
i'm afraid that i might not be able to go through with it

i don't know what to do with myself

i've never loved a girl like this.