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 Mar 2015 whyshouldiknow
Diane
I'm just a girl
With the usual smile,
Usual laugh
Even the typical
red lipstick and mascara.

I'm just
the usual girl
with a Twitter account,
Instagram,
and Facebook.

But you know,
all these things
are not so worth it..

Not unless,
I use these for you
to
notice me,
cherish me,
adore me
and maybe..
Just maybe...


Love me.

It's your look,
the way you dress,
your tweets
flicks a heart string.

But sometimes,
ignites a spark within me.

It's is for the best.
But what if the best is not for me?

Look at me.
And tell me
you're still here.


Boy,
I ain't over you..

*Not now..
Not yet..
hot baths, breakdowns, too close, too loud. lost, alone, confused, worthless. self-image, self-confidence, self-love. questions. "What do you want to be when you're older?" "Where are you going to college?" "How are your grades?"
How are my grades? How am I! I'm breaking down every night, crying in the shower, trashing the organized file cabinet of my mind, scouring every inch of my consciousness trying to find out who I am. Emotionally unstable. Lost. Mentally unstable. Lost.
Ask me how I am.
this is bad im sorry
 Nov 2014 whyshouldiknow
Sin
we were all born crying.
wailing, raw pink lungs
gasping,
choking, on new filtered air.

but maybe, we cry not because
of a cold chill
and fluorescent state of confusion,
but simply because we've been born once again.

maybe we cry because our past lives
will never repeat themselves-

no more grandkids, the splintered back porch with the hissing screen door,

no more ten day vacations at the spare house in Spain,

no more dates at a drive in, the 1981 firebird where the windows would always steam,

no handprints along glass,
footprints on the subway.

no more
"welcome home" kisses from your dog,
"goodnight" kisses from your wife.

when we are born,
maybe we cry because
in that simple movement toward new light
our hand lingers along the wall behind us,
and flips off the switch.

every painful lesson,
heartbreak,
first times,
failiure.
all of it recycled;
repetition that never comes to end.

maybe, we cry because
we have forgotten the words
of the song we know we've heard.
the one you once danced to
at your wedding;
the one they cried to, at your funeral.

maybe we cry because
we have forgotten the color of the ink
scratched on our past suicide notes.

maybe, because
we think the gunshot did not take us
to heaven.

but there are angels
and they don't wear halos and stroke harps-
they roam the earth.
instead of showing you the light,
they teach how to form the flame inside yourself.

we were all born crying.
and it is not from loss or fear itself;
not because our soul is homesick
for the house it can't recall-
we cry for the warmth of our mothers worn hands.
the new rhythm slow in her chest,
amber hair falling
from the foreign ***** of her shoulder;

we are just one soul on this journey
body to body, heart to heart.
maybe we cry because
in that moment, we ourselves realize
that each life is, a miracle.
 Nov 2014 whyshouldiknow
Sin
this is about the boy
who wrote a girl a poem
she never got to read,
who sang to her before he kissed her,
and loved her before he touched her.
a beautiful boy made of constellations.
with a chipped tooth
from kissing concrete
and a head full of curls,
spirals strewn across her pillows,
stars in a sea of satin.
this girl he loved wrote poems too,
and he never knew that she also has
a cracked tooth tucked behind
her lips (that he liked to call thin)
pale pink against porcelain.
she, like him, had thoughts that twisted;
the Devils fingers knotted in her hair-
this is the story of two lovers:
one sailing a foreign sea,
and one who knew each inch of the ocean.
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