my emotions are having a disagreement

and they decided to
hold their battle
in my head

its been going on
for a while now

i wish they could just
agree on something.

even a compromise
between the two
would be nice

she was at home in your arms
she was protected in your arms
she was secure in your arms
she was loved in your arms
she was safe in your arms

safe from her nightmares
safe from strange noises in the night
safe from her taunting sister
safe from everything

safe in your arms.
safe.

how could you take those arms away?

she isn't safe anymore,
not from her nightmares,
not from strange noises in the night
not from her taunting sister,
not from
anything.

she's not safe anymore.
not anymore

she's not your little girl.
not anymore.

she can't be.

why?

because you are
dead.

why?

you knew.
but you can't tell us.
not anymore.

we formed sounds
in our mouths

we spoke words
made up of letters

we told each other things
that were of some significance
to at least one of us

we trusted each other
to hear the words we were saying,
to understand the meaning,
to hold the memory of that moment.

for some strange reason
i thought that talking to you
was some great act
and i wasn't good enough to do it

but then i said something
without really meaning to
and you said something back
we exchanged words
i said something
and you said something back

then i realized that
i could talk to you

that it didn't have to be some profound thing
i had been planning on saying
for weeks

i realized that
you are just a normal person
not some god or anything
that i was just as good as you

i had this realization a few weeks ago,
but i still find it amazing
that i can talk to you
and you will talk back

sometimes

i try too hard
to figure things out in my head

i plan how it's all
going to happen

but nobody follows
the script
in my head

and it messes me up

i  said that
i was tired of you
that you were a *****
that you were ******* me off

that you wouldn't be my best friend
if i knew you then
as well as i do now

but i can't escape the fact that
i love you

nothing can change that.

i'm tired of your *******
but i can't tell you that

sometimes i just need some time away from you
but i can't tell you that

maybe you aren't really my best friend
but i can't tell you that

no, i don't really want to keep in touch when school ends
but i can't tell you that

no, you aren't as cute, ****, artsy, or talented as you think you are
but i can't tell you that

i don't love you as much as i say i do
but i can't tell you that