I find it deeply ironic
that no one knows who invented the Fire Hydrant
because it's Patent was lost to a fire.

i hate it when you have a hangnail but it is mostly a piece
of skin that is really steadfast about not detaching

from your finger. it’s like the piece of skin has
separation anxiety and you can’t get it

to leave ever

all you want is for the piece of skin to move out.
today is your twentieth birthday and you are thinking

about your mortality a whole bunch and how you have provided
the piece of skin with a comfortable home and now

you want it to move on and make a big life

for itself so when you’re old and more carrot-like
you will have the piece of skin to take care of you

until you are ready to make the big trip to hamilton

known as dying alone and feeling okay about it
because hamilton is a nice place to die alone

hamilton is a port city in the canadian province of ontario

you dream of hamilton and you are already a little bit more
carrot-like on this day, your twentieth birthday. we want the

piece of skin to get its **** together so we can all be happy
for you one day when the amount of carrot-like

characteristics you grow into becomes immeasurable

and creamy. the piece of skin smiles and says
it does not like your conservative-minded nonsense

the piece of skin feels as though it has a right to
prosperity and a new season of hey arnold

and its own episode of mtv cribs.

you say the piece of skin is too liberal and you
get out a pair of scissors and cut of your finger

the finger with the piece of skin that was too clingy
is now resting peacefully on the hardwood floor
of your apartment in a pool of blood that you are

proud to say is something you made on your own.
the piece of skin quotes hemingway as it dies

the reference goes over your head and the reader’s head too

I meet your gaze
You’re gazing at me
Am I supposed to say something now?
Are you even flirting?
Well, now this is awkward…

Please excuse me
And my inability
To understand the signs I’m supposed to know
I should be dark and swarthy
But God made me
just a little bit dorky
And nobody taught me
How to take these first steps
But if you give me half a chance
I could be half-way decent
At being the man you hope that I am
I’m working up the courage
And gaining the confidence
To finally say something to you
Because you, you are radiant
And I long to know you
But I don’t think I can

I’ll bottle my feelings this time
And walk away lonely
Next time for sure
Next time I’ll be brave
And I’ll know what to say
I’ll give you no choice but to love me…
Next time.

I remember when I said you hadn't hurt me enough to write about
I wish it would've stayed that way