I was at the street shops, seated below the canvas
and drinking my sake
innocent to the world
and lost to my cup
when she walked past
smooth, elegant, slow-time
her eyes straight and her manner modest
O I only had eyes for her
that was all there was, that desire
as she glided through the street
her kimono red and strewn with flowers in bloom
her scent lingering in the air
the gold clips gleaming in her black hair
O the kimono was like a cloud ablaze
that wrapped a Being from the Realm of Desires
and my own being was in chaos and stirring
and then just at the other end
just at the bend
the beauty turned her head
and she cast her eyes on me,
just a flitting look
O the beauty looked back
and it is on me she cast her binding gaze

And now, for me,
as for a madman
there is no looking back
I must go where she beckons

I have laid in this bed that I have made, for many years.
All I can think of now, is that
I want to get out of here.
Away from my demons and the experiences I have lived,
The people I have wronged and the ones I have loved.

Yet, I am ****** into my own sickening turmoil,
Not being able to escape.
Suffocating underneath my insecurities and my faults.

These thoughts race inside my brain,
Never relieving me of all the pain;
Of all the things I have ******* up in my life.

I am sinking,
Further and further,
Deep inside my nightmare.
Watching the world pass me as if I was a ghost that never crossed over.

I hug my pillows so tight,
Just to realize that I have been left alone
To be haunted by these dreams of past memories.
To witness the demise of my fate.
To feel cemented to this ground.

Never moving.
Always sinking.
Sinking into the muck that is my existence.

When will this noose loosen?
When will I be able to breathe once again?
When can I get my chance for the never ending happiness
That everyone around me has obtained?

Why must I be left behind
Waiting to catch the wrong ride?
To continue down this misadventurous path.
I wish to look back and laugh at my pathetic attempts of happiness.

Alas, I sink into my abyss that has grown quite familiar,
That has embraced my presence.
That longs for me.
And unfortunately, I greet it with open arms like an old pal.

I sink.
Hating all around me.
I sink.
Vomiting up my decency.
I sink.
Finding love in my monster.

54

If I should die,
And you should live—
And time should gurgle on—
And morn should beam—
And noon should burn—
As it has usual done—
If Birds should build as early
And Bees as bustling go—
One might depart at option
From enterprise below!
’Tis sweet to know that stocks will stand
When we with Daisies lie—
That Commerce will continue—
And Trades as briskly fly—
It makes the parting tranquil
And keeps the soul serene—
That gentlemen so sprightly
Conduct the pleasing scene!

You said I was your best
You said it felt like flying
I say I know you better now
You always were a good liar
My skull hurts from thinking about
What exactly I did wrong
You stole my dress, my friends
My address, you even took my song
How can you have sweet dreams?
When everything is exactly as it seems
How can you have sweet dreams?
Especially when they’re made of this
Wise man told me, you’d be sorry
Begging at my feet
But the clock is ticking by so fast
Is it heaven where we’ll meet
How can the universe accept
Your thinly-spread truth
When it rests on a pill and
A camera in your bedroom
How can you have sweet dreams?
When everything is exactly as it seems
How can you have sweet dreams?
Especially when they’re made of this
Your whole façade is so American it kills me

Let's cut out our tongues.
We'll hang them from the empty wires in my backyard and
dance around them like soulless heathens or
wear them around our necks in remembrance of
the days we spent too much time talking
and not enough time touching
or loving.

We'll throw them away or
feed them to the dogs that live in the alley by that park next to the highway because
We don't need them!
We don't want them!

To speak,
We'll stare-- and blink in rhythms:
One blink, "I love you."
Two blinks, "I miss you."
Three blinks, "Stop effing blinking, you're freaking me out."
Right wink, "Hi darling, how was your day?"
Left wink, "It was marvelous, and now it's even better because you're here."
--That's all we ever say anyway.

To kiss,
We'll turn out the lights and
hold our heads together like puzzle pieces and
breathe each other's faces off,
taking turns drowning in
unwanted exhales.
--That's all we ever do anyway.