This time I lay my head down on the bed instead of chasing him out the door
This time I sit with my darkest parts and listen to them and love them and give them light and
It is they who needed the company, they’re the ones who wanted to run
Not me
Not anymore

May you persevere in matters of your heart
Immerse yourself in what you need to feel alive

May you press onwards even when you’d rather sink and

May you grow towards the sky just like the flowers you find that root themselves in the most precarious places but still manage to find the sun

Nothing more lonely
Than giving someone your heart
And they drift away

I embarked on a journey to ask myself this question for 30 days;

What filled me with enthusiasm today?

Relishing in the joy that I am able to move my body run and jump and stretch and climb and love, I am fuelled by the thought these motions could leave me at any moment

Being powerful in the face of fear filled me with enthusiasm
Leading others, speaking for those who couldn’t

I was filled with enthusiasm when I saw her
She makes me feel at home and alive and free and joyous and proud of her

Because I remember when she saw me when others walked by
She stayed
She listened
She led me out of the dark

And him
He is calm
He is resilient
Patient with me and loving and I want hear about what he thinks the clouds look like and hold his hand in silence and

And I was filled with enthusiasm when I let the sun warm my skin and the flowers oh the flowers,  what did we do to deserve them
The ones that persistently press through the concrete for no one but themselves

I was filled with enthusiasm when I realized that this
this is it

I used to write poems about being incapable of being fulfilled and alive and I determined
“I will never be full”

But this is it
Here I am
Filled
with more than I could ever have imagined

10 years have passed and I have been held by others
But none held my heart like you

My rib cage pressed against the railing
Trying to catch the dandelion seeds as they pass
When I look over at you you’re laughing at my infatuation with them
I almost admit I love you
Maybe I will
when the dandelions are flowers again

Dear heavy heart
you are not a burden.

Let me adorn you with a crown made of your triumphs so you can carry them with you

Let us honour your darkest parts
They deserve to see light too

Dear heavy heart
Despite being shattered over and over
You only become more glorious

Thank you for pumping blood through my veins like the mountain streams flood rivers to fill up oceans
You are oceans

Infinite powerful and all consuming
You are inevitable to this story

My dearest heavy heart;
Keep going.