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Tabitha Sep 2017
I get tired of it's confusion,
tired of the pain.
I'm tired of the emptiness from hearts I've parted from.
Tired of wishing for more, but not knowing which way to turn...
And sometimes too scared to look back.
To let go completely of yesterday,
and grasp a hold on the hope of tomorrow.
A hope that if tomorrow gets here, it won't be like yesterday.

Yesterday's holding on to the hope of a lost love
Yesterday's disappointments of the same ol' routine
Yesterday's wishing bills didn't exist, so there wouldn't be any living from check to check.
Yesterday's empty dreams of a fairy tail ending,
Wanting an end to all my struggling.
Holding onto the hope of tomorrow....

A tomorrow filled with pure happiness, knowing that this direction  on the path is the one and only way...
Success.
A tomorrow filled with the reassurance that your headed for better days.
A tomorrow with a love that was sent to you from the heaven above, that will only grow deeper and deeper as time goes by to last forever.
A tomorrow that will complete and fulfill yesterdays wants and dreams.
A tomorrow that will conquer all my hardships and troubles.

I grasp the thought of what wonderfulness tomorrow could bring.

(How can you let go of yesterday?
Lost in my thoughts after my mom died....
Tabitha Sep 2017
One
One look, I was captured by your eyes
Left staring into your deepest parts
Where your passion and your love lies
The place where I see our hearts

One touch, I was brought down to my knees
So warm, so gentle and feelings so strong
They entered every part of me with such ease
Gave me a taste of love, I saw where I belong

One kiss, I was ready to take to the skies
Flying by your side, forever soaring so free
Under your wings, seeing the world through your eyes
And letting the moon and stars shine on you and me

One word, I felt you opening my soul
I felt your presence deep inside burning
You filled every empty space, every hole
You gave me all I needed.
You gave me everything.
I remember my exact feeling writing this. A man who was once in my life. A man whom I will always love. He's out there somewhere. I am only here.. Without him...
Tabitha Sep 2017
My mind pours out in misty blue.
A mental state unheard to you.

My lips, my tongue, they fight about.
While words are screaming, "Let me out!"

They fight and argue all the time
This bout between my lips, tongue, and mind.

Bounded by a mental state.
My words are destined to know their fate.

As gullible as my mind, tongue, and lips felt.
They got down on their knees and knelt.

With exclamation my words screamed and shout..
"I just wanted you to let me out!!!"
Tabitha Sep 2017
When it comes,
I feel the need
for needles
stabbing through my skin,
piercing bone,
a healing pain
fighting darkness,
the false light
flees
as if it never was
or ever has been.
Black is nature,
weighed by blood,
burned by cutting
no scent of smoke
sweet delicious pain.
I wrote this back in 2010. I was going through an extremely heavy addiction.
Tabitha Sep 2017
I am always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. I live in the past, in the memories. I love the people I have. I am heartsick for all the things I can't get back. It's hard for me to define myself. I guess I'm just a cliche, the person who loved too hard and didn't get anything in return. I just want the one person who has never given me a second thought.
Tabitha Sep 2017
Knock Knock. Who's there? Anyone I know
behind that stare?
Knock knock. Well then? Still the same as it's ever been.
Knock Knock. Go away. Rather be by myself today.
Knock Knock. Still here. Get so lonesome if you're not near.
Knock Knock. Don't crowd. You've no reason to act so proud.
Knock Knock. You're nuts. You don't love me, and I hate your guts.
Knock Knock. Poor child. Get like this every once in awhile.
Knock Knock. **** it let me in! Any idea how long it's been?
Knock Knock. Not true. You know I love every bit of you.
Knock Knock. Don't say. Where were you all those other days?
Knock Knock. Chill out. You don't know what you're talking about.
Knock Knock. Me chill? I can't even understand you, you're yelling so loud!
Knock Knock. You're blind. Why, because I let you do this every time?
Knock Knock. Time out! I'm not doing this again! Do you even know what were fighting about?
Knock Knock. Why does everything always gotta be about you?
......................
Ding ****. It's too late, I found somebody new...
When I wrote this awhile back, I was going through this miscommunication type deal with my other half at the time. Going back and fourth. Always trying to get his attention, yet always getting turned away.
Tabitha Sep 2017
You want to feel better?
A little better, a lot better, better than... who?
Better than what?
For how long? A moment, forever, in between?
When? Now, tomorrow, soon, later, just once, always?
Is it out there, that better feeling....
You think?
Where is it? in the wrap of someone's arms or legs, in the folds of a wallet?
In drugs, in music, in *****, in sharp blades, in a hangman's knot?
In the voice of a child, in the pews of a place? Pills?
In sticking your finger down your throat after you eat?
In a needle transporting a dream into your head via a vein?
In the words of a friend, in the scribbles of a poet?
In LA or NYC or Tibet- In possible or in impossible?
In wanting to be somebody else you can't be, or in wanting to be not you, the you who you must be?
In an office, on a couch for an hour, once a week, for a fortune, for a decade, or for forever?
Will the world change for you; Just for you; Just to make you feel better?

And....

Is it that "feel better" is not outside? Outside your door, outside your mind?

Could it be; And can you visualize that feel better feeling is right where it always was, is, will be....

Available, hiding, waiting, engine running, bright lights on, horn honking, screaming, "here I am!" but still stuck un-found and your yet to be discovered, beautiful, unsought, unseen, untasted, un-reached, unconquered, never climbed, never pursued pots of rainbow gold waiting impatiently amongst the treasure laden mountain tops existing  inside the barricaded barren self made obstacles hiding along the paths you have chosen that bypass the paths which would lead you to your untapped, untouched, untried courage that dwells, abandoned somewhere in your current over rated mind....
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