I'm so tired,
tired of feeling empty,
tired of feeling pain,
so scared of getting hurt again.
Tired of feeling worthless,
It's been so long since I felt true happiness.
Tired of constantly fighting a loosing battle,
tired of the roller coaster of emotions every single day,
tired of pretending that I'm okay.
Up down up down and round and round,
my mind's a mess all scrambled like eggs.
Anger, frustration, fed up of being in the same dark place.
And I try my best but I get tired of always getting knocked down every time i try and get back up.
Makes me want to just give up,
throw in the towel and not give a ****.

They say there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. "Stay positive things will get better," but I've been walking in the dark for too long. Never feeling good enough because everything in my life seems to go wrong.

Scarred by my past, sometimes words hurt more than actions. Sticks and stones may brake my bones but the words stick in my mind, because you can never take them back. They just run circles in your brain until they drive you insane. It's no wonder I'm so ****** up. Not once have I had someone believe in me, not even my family. Here I go again slashing my skin, hello darkness my old friend, hello loneliness we meet again. I'm screaming out for help, please is anyone there?

Everyday I wake up wishing my ***** would disappear,
but then I look in the mirror and there they are; two big boulders stuck on my chest. I wear baggy clothes and cover up, I'd do anything to hide the fact they exist.

Growing up was never easy, I tried to fit in with the girls, started wearing make up and feminine clothes, but nothing felt right. I remember being in my room and looking at myself in the mirror every night, I'd pretend that I was a guy. Alex would be my name, I'd put on some rock music and pretend I was a rock star with thousands of girls screaming my name.

But I'd always come back to reality, there I'd be looking in the mirror a teenage me; ashamed of my body. People would come up to me and ask if I was okay, I'd always smile and say that I'm fine . But I wasn't because at the back of my mind there was this voice saying I'm meant to be a guy.

When I was 15 I started cutting,
I thought it would help but it did nothing,
so now I'm stuck addicted to the blade,
i think about it everyday,
I just need a quick fix like a cigarette i crave.
I used to think that it would take all my pain away,
but it doesn't I just feel numb,
I sit on my own emotionless watching the blood run down my arm.

But no matter what,
I just can't stop,
I need to find a better way to heal,
a safer way to express how I feel,
my poetry it keeps me going,
when I pick up the pen I get into a flow and,
for a moment all my insecurities fade away.

not today though, today I have no words to write down,
I got writers block.
My head feels so heavy like it's being weighed down by a ******* cloud.
Today I'm not okay, time for me to take the blade and feed my addiction with another round....

Love is pain left out in the rain,
with nothing to gain but teardrop stains,
being haunted by a memory as I think back,
the things we used to do and how we used to act with love trust and passion.
Because a pride never kept things inside,
they were always discussed between us,
never argued about,
and I never gave any dues for you to figure it out.

How I miss being blessed with your sweet finesse,
as we kiss and twist and caress on the mattress.
Sweet body heat, your heartbeat.
I'll grip your hips and both our lips will meet so neat,
staring up at the moonlight with someone to hold tight.
Given a chance for romance, until the sunlight brightens the sky,
it reflects in your eye.
But now the reflection is gone and I cry out she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me looking at your picture as it sits on the table,
as I put on my cable I wish I was able to touch, but it's a shame you had to go.

So I watch the hands on the clock go real slow,
gone with the wind is love a sin?
If it is then God, bring it back again.
Not a girl that you rate as a fine blind date,
I need a love mate,
so I open the window to feel the wind blow,
try to figure out how a love can end so fast,
and just pass and not even last.

first grow like grass then shatter like glass,
now I stare at the walls, clock five paracetamol,
turn off my phone to avoid any calls.
As I sit and crave for the love she gave,
but when I wake up,
I'm the same *** slave saying; she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me when I lost a good friend, dreams seem to end.

Cause a broken heart and me don't blend,
you move to quick you become seasick.
So I race in space and try to replace the pretty face,
but it's a waste,
this chase is a kiddy case.

Now I whisper how much I miss her,
my lips should have blistered the way I kissed her.
So soft and slow,
laid back and relaxed,
and when I move the groove is as smooth as a sax.
She kissed me low then proceeded up,
bed sheets heated up,the pace is speeded up.
Slowly but surely we reach our destiny,
She got the best of me and  left the rest of me.

All I got is total confusion,
she disappeared and it's not an illusion.
My life bitter, the memories glitter,
my heart's deflated, doctors can't rate it,
I don't know how the hell I made it.
So farewell sweetheart wherever you are,
I'll just look at the stars and say; she loves me, she loves me not....

Mirror mirror,
on the wall,
no body around me so I come begging your call,
mirror mirror
on the wall
somebody save me before i fall.

Sometimes it just feels like all the walls are closing in,
my thoughts get so mixed up I don't know where to begin.
Asphyxiated, struggling to get my breath in.
Uneducated on the world we are living in,
wearing a fake smile, feeling so paper thin.
Waiting for a blessing every time that you sin.
Because "God forgives all" who go out to seek him,
kneeling at a wall, staring at the ceiling.
Saying their prayers hoping that they're reaching,
working 9 to 5 and living for the weekend.
Not long before they realise they're in the deep end.

Never choosing one moment of self reflection,
screaming **** THE WORLD and not worried about directions,
see yourself for who you are,
including imperfections,
so mirror mirror on the wall,
you can voice all your discretion's,
for all of us who fear the feeling of self rejection,
for people who have a voice but no platform for projection,
I feel like this is another one of life's harsh lessons.
The pressure building inside feels like it's never ending.

Mirror mirror,
on the wall,
nobody around me so i come begging your call,
mirror mirror
on the wall
somebody save me before i fall.

We kiss i get a buzz,
my heart pumps fast as our  clothes start to come off.
I lose my breathe as you run your hand up my body and gently caress my breast.

Things get hot as the night goes on,
when you bite my neck girl you really turn me on.
You give me a sensation I've never had before,
girl don't stop you got me wanting more.

I wanna feel your lips touch my skin,
kiss every part of me and go deep in.
Hand cuff me to the bed and have your wicked way,
you're in control now,
keep going hard until I'm screaming your name.