Everyday i wake up wondering if i will be "normal" today,
my thoughts racing round my mind.
Up and down my moods are like a roller coaster,
Minutes and Hours forever changing rapidly.

one minute i can be happy and smiling,
then like a flick of a switch,
change to rage sadness and pure evil,
I love you yet I hate you too,
Set myself up for the hurt.
I can't control how I feel,
This is all I know how to be,
Yes I want to try to be different
But how can you change who you are?

I hate it when I’m left alone,
I feel like I've been abandoned,
Family hurt me.
Rejected, never did fit in.

I cry with the slightest thing
Hate criticism,
even praise
Don't like to be judged,
I do that myself

my heads saying "No one likes me anyway
Why should I care my?"
Yet my heart whispers
"you do care"
I suffer every day.
On really bad days,
I feel like my world comes crashing down around me,
All I want to do is hide away,

Always trying  to fit in,
I'd do anything,
Lie to make me seem right
Manipulative,
I don’t want to be alone.

I hate everything that I am,
always asking myself... who am i?
No identity,  I feel empty inside.
I need to be someone else to be liked,
I'll run away from myself.
Impulsive nature,
spending money  like no tomorrow.
I laugh yet cry at the same time,
Change my look,
everything just to be liked.

So scared of being rejected and abandoned
I twist everything I hear,
perceived to be hatred for me,
Up go the barriers,
I must protect myself,
I hurt those I care about the most all the time.

Only those who really know me,
See this for what it really is,
Those who don’t know me,
just see an emotional wreck,
A nobody, broken and a mess.

Dark thoughts race through my head again,
my demons are back to haunt me like unwanted friends,
a disappointment that's all I am,
I have nothing left in Me,
I've done all I can.

Dear mother hear me now,
try and understand that i just want to make you proud.
All i seem to do is let you down,
why can't you see the person that I am.

The scars on my arm run deeper than you think,
they tell a story of the darkest secrets that i keep.
So many times I've needed a mothers hug
So many times I've wanted a mothers love

Empty.. feeling numb inside,
These feelings are getting harder for me to hide.
Thoughts of self harm frequently run through my mind,
temptation of the blade i'm craving it like a cigarette.
Just a short fix because the pain i keep inside i can never forget.

I feel the blade rip through my skin,
Release the pain i feel from within.
I watch the blood run down my arm with tears in my eyes.
My body fills up with such despise and frustration as i take my anger out on another wall. So many thoughts inside my head racing,
bouncing around like a basketball.

But this will not be the end of me,
just like a pheonix I shall rise from the fall.
I'm going to fight my demons and conquer them all.
Maybe one day I'll break free, get away from this hell that's caused so much pain and misery.

See this depression keeps dragging me down,
but i will not give up and i refuse to drown.
Every time i fall I'll come back stronger than before.
One day I'll show these demons that I'm not scared of them anymore.

One strike... two strikes... three strikes...four,
the blood runs down her arm as she crashes to the floor.
She stares at the knife with tears in her eyes,
how has it got to this?
Surely there must be a better life.

Not feeling herself,
overtaken by this hell.
Trying to fight her demons,
but there's no fight left in her.
She needs to get back up,
but the weight of the depression keeps dragging her down.
Maybe it's time to give up,
maybe it's time to drown.

She grabs some paper and starts to write,
a letter to her loved ones it's time to say goodbye.
She wishes it didn't have to be this way,
she just wants the pain to fade.
She feels that she can't go on,
the demons in her head have won.

"Mum, dad i love you both" she wrote,
"I'm sorry but I have to go.
I know you won't understand,
you always questioning why i was so sad."
"But here's the truth,
I feel trapped. Suffocating in a hell inside my own head."
"Sometimes I think I'm better off dead,
I don't want to go, but I don't know what else to do."
"Please don't cry, promise me you will smile and live a happy life."
" If you ever feel low,
just look up to the sky,
I'll be the biggest star shining so bright."
"I love you forever and always.... goodbye"

Tears flood her eyes,
shaking.. feeling cold inside.
Scared of what's coming next,
She grabs a scarf that will hang her to her death.
Puts the letter on her bed and takes one last breathe,
come morning time she'll be dead.

Cold and broken,
my heart is frozen,
drinking liquor and writing poems to warm me up,
but it's a temporary fix that only sticks for about a month.
It's a task just to breathe,
I can't focus on anything around me,
the pain it runs deep,
It's forever lodged in my memory.

He haunts me,
he sits on my shoulder and haunts me,
every day i live in fear,
waiting for him to get me.
I try to fight him but i keep falling,
I feel vulnerable,
available to sin,
he's got a hold of me and is pulling me further in.
I feel his darkness shadow over me,
his ***** claws as sharp as a knife scratch my skin.
His breathe makes me shiver,
it's as cold as the winter wind.

He's here,
and he's come to get me,
he can sense the fear from within me,
as he whispers in my ear.
"Time to go, it's time for you to disappear."
" No body loves you, no body cares."

I try to ignore him,
but he won't go away.
He's always there,
haunting me everyday,
the whispers are always the same,
his words are repeated over and over again,
I try to run,
but there is no escape.
" You can't run now, it's too late...."

I took a shot for you and everything we did,
everything we once was in our relationship.
Now i'm sitting back thinking why the **** do i care?
All the times i needed you, you were never there.

I admit I've made mistakes,
I was trying to fix them but now it's too late.
I really do wish the best for you,
even if it's hurts i hope you find love,

Imagine love without a struggle,
just happiness and peace where a couple never crumbles,
a stumble here and there
but the sand is so suttle when the world seems to rumble.

I promise you,
you won't dare forget my name.
When you needed help I'm the one who always ******* came.
I'm the one who picked you up when you stepped into the rain,
I'm the one who took you back when you left me in so much pain.
Remember all that ******* you said?... That you'd love me until the end..
I should never have believed you because all this time you've been sleeping in someone else's bed.