It's been said people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime!
Well, the people there for a season although not all negative experiences pass through only.
Then those for a reason probably more to their own benefit!
But those, there for, a lifetime not only give a reason but make us want to be more!
They never leave you no matter the circumstances!
I know my soulmate and although she only sees a season I know my life is to be spent with her!
I hope with all I am she sees this true!
For i’ll be here waiting, I love her beyond all this fighting!
I would do whatever to have her realize this!
Been told of late there is no-one you cannot live without!
Well maybe true to some extent, however, what if there is someone, I wish all I am don't want to be without?
What if my soul seethes for her like lungs desperate for air?
I have to just show her that I am here and if it takes a lifetime for her to see it, ill be sad till the day she does! Yes, sad! although life doesn't allow us to spend all our time together, nor would I think it healthy! But yes sad for every minute I loose with her I cannot regain!
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The Ultimate sacrifice
Be not ceasing to exist!
As mostly, id far rather do!
No it be everything from breathing or these eyes feeling like buckets of sand dropped in them! Just as a reminder i suppese why you hurting the same reason you been crying!
Yeah it will be me just missing you to trying to cope effortlessly!
My ultimate sacrifice be enduring torture id swap in a heartbeat for any physical pain imagination can provide!
Oh i wish
©️

Come take your damage goods!
An emotional state bearing remnants of a shattered heart littering my soul!
Almost whole! certain i was!
In fact, because of you i know!
For i wrote it!
(”This is real wow”
”For she holds my heart! and I know I have hers!”)
Yeah now im broken no cause to even breathe!
I be only damaged goods!
Of course you wont want!
©️

Lies have me ripped to shreds,
Not mine! but of me!
As  if I lied!
Guilt be your enemy here!
But clear conscience i do have!
But who cares!
I care to no end and it hurts!
But who cares!
I long for you and it hurts!
But who cares!
Dont want to do the unthinkable and almost cant resist!
But who cares!
Life now so lonely!
But who cares
Been tortured treated like a dog!
As a slapegoat of your own agenda!
Second time this has now been my fate!
Powerless i dont even get the opportunity to defend myself!
You say you angry and wont meet me!
I'm sure rather guilt won't allow you to face not me but the truth!
Worse than all that! I cry in anguish as not for that hurt! But rather in longing for you!
Missing you so much it tears through me relentlessly!
Last time I proved a social misfit I put up barriers as not to allow anyone in, now I think safer to remove myself from society! Don't see how! don't know how!
Everything hurts even breathing! Not an easy task as I have to do it consciously far more than average, as sleep is hardly an option or rarely possible!
But who cares!

Be it Weak?
For they see these tears!
Oh witness them yes!
For it’s where you shall see the pain!
Or is there such a thing as pain!
Love!
Good!
Bad!
All just what we allow ourselves to believe in!
Only misery we exist as truly!
The rest all *******!
We like water that evaporates and rains down are no more than a part of a miserable cycle!
We can blindly plod along or see its truth!
And forget all the ******* and allow no crap in!
Weak?
I wonder!  
Maybe tougher than all perceive by rather allowing all the false crap no more!
Weak? Oh no!
Be just your perception!

Solemly  all this I swear!
And with all I am! And Never to waiver from!

Oh yes, I claim my love for you to be pure!
For it is from my heart, and no other possibly i’d see fit to, could or id want to compare!

Oh yes I, claim my love for you to be true!
Oh yes true for the very thought of you makes my heart smile, and excited to see you even if its a mere glimpse of my wallpaper on my phone! ”yes your picture, why its on my phone screen and proudly so”
And every visit starts with that exciting heart racing glee! That can't be anything but true! For me, there will never be another!

Yes, I claim my love for you forever learning!
As there is never a moment I will ever pass up again in bettering my self if the opportunity is needed, I will do my all to create such an opportunity!
From the moment intimacy was shared I felt as if I was more, being with you, my heart had no choice! With its what I believed as unscalable walls, oh yes you make me want to be more!

Oh yes,, I claim my love for you to be selflessness and only realize just how so, more and more so, for even in me wallowing in fear and sadness my greatest hurt and total resentment was mine towards myself for unwittingly or not nonetheless hurting you! And as learning brings growth, enabling me to promise to remain true and pure! And there will never be a sacrifice id not give to ensure my love remain just that!

Oh yes, I claim my love to be unique!
For there can be no greater love from a man to a woman than the love I promise you! This I know to be true with all I am! Or I would rather no longer myself exist!

Oh yes, I claim it to exclusive!
For this, I say this with all the conviction of my every breath! But stronger than just my hearts conviction! I say this with conviction of my soul to bear before God! And with his strength in me a strength no other can compare!

Oh yes, I claim my love for you to be legendary!
For Jenni, you deserve no less!
And there will never be a second of any hour, ill strive with all my heart and soul to show you all this!
I love you to no end I promise

To my Beautiful treasures, I don't deserve!
My Three princesses, you are flawless next to me!
So pure and true!
For you, I carry on through life with all its let downs!
I have to persevere!  
God gave me three blessings I don't deserve!
Many a letdown Dad I've been!
A feeble dad I know!
But I resound my love to you!
For the only love im allowed to keep!
Every time I enter relationships, I only land up hurting! Either myself or the other person!
So to you and my God, I’ll have forever!
Please forgive my somewhat hopeless attempts at times, but if not for you my heart is spent!
Love you with all my heart as feeble as it may be!
As simple as I might act and not do enough!
Call enough or even be enough!
I love you!
Beyond my selfish pain!
And I’ll do my utmost to hurt you never again!