Two drinks in and all my thoughts are racing.
But for once it's almost positive,
instead of mostly negative.
I know I'll always have my issues,
my mistakes are who I am.
But why should I let them break me
instead of push me ahead?

There will never be a moment
where I don't remember his face;
sweaty and contorted
forcing me to keep silent.
Or his hands around my neck
and the darkness closing in.

But he's not here anymore,
and the torment is all over.
I have people surrounding me
who love me for everything and anything.

And there won't be a day that passes
where I don't remember the love
of me and Josh sitting on that hill
watching the sunset sink beneath the clouds.
I can never forget that sacrifice,
of a young life lost to save another.

But in my memory he will stay,
because I have someone who cares.
Who knows all of my faults,
and wants to help through the pain.

And I have my friends
who only want the best for me.
Who listen when I talk,
laugh at my corny jokes
and love me for who I am.

I will never be perfect,
but I need to stop trying.
Imperfect is beautiful,
and I'm starting to see my beauty.

The scars will remain,
white and raised against my skin.
But they're reminders of a past
that changed my course of action.
The bones will never heal,
and the insults won't disappear.
But learning to live with them
is something within reach.

I'm not broken or damaged,
but pieces put together,
mended and healing.
I am superwoman.

There are some nights
when I love the taste of water,
but I reach for whiskey instead.
I'll lay somewhat less awake in bed
until the morning when I know
I'll swallow enough in the shower.

It's nothing insurmountable,
like the cleanliness of an infant being baptized.
The congregation stares straight-mouthed
until the next baby is washed
and it stares blankly into the crowd
and the parents are proud.

i don't believe in the hypocritical moralistic dogma of this so-called civilized society
everyone is finicky, demanding, and ignorant, like society runs on their selfish need
humanity is unhealthy, diseased, deceived by the smoke and mirrors of propriety
starving poets living off their art, starving celebrities living off their titanic sized greed
and people wonder why we have criminals who will do anything to get away with crime
if everyone saw the real side of people, trust would be another delusional superstition
guilt is like spiders crawling onto your naked skin and onto your famished spine
some people believe they are the bricks to rebuild a home with ammunition
we are force fed trust in these strangers in a extremely vulnerable habitat
like a bird's feathers clipped off, we are unable to fly, unable to breathe
like an army without weapons, we are unprepared for the sudden combat
like a witches cauldron, the brain's contents bubble and seethe

-kra

I'm losing
All the happiness, sadness, anger and bliss
I just exist
No emotion
No reaction
I don't feel  compassion, pity, or sorrow
But I don't see a problem
I see less room for hurt, betrayal and pain
I'm losing all feelings
If they're felt my face doesn't show it
I enjoy being numb
It's a happy life
I'm losing
And loving it

Love is not a drug
Because that would imply that
Love is a bad thing