If I wanted to know what love felt like
I would have grabbed your hand under the sheets at midnight
Or kissed your cheek in the morning like the sun gets to do through the window
I would have traced the rim of your glasses with my fingertip
I would have painted the colors of my words with pinks instead of blue
I would have told the truth

But I didn't want to know what love felt like
So instead, I closed the door on your open heart
And drew a line in the sand in between "commitment" and "lust"
And I took a step away from you
And never looked back

If I could cast away Heartbreak
as easily
as you casted away our
Love
this would be
just

Fine.

I hope you remember me on the 29th of every month
And I hope you look at every picture
And think of me
I hope you lay in your bed at night
And feel the memory of my body pressed against yours
Sleeping
I hope the ghost of our relationship
Makes you moan into the night
I hope your dog looks at you
And ***** his head
To ask
Where I've been
I hope your hand feels empty
While you take long drives
With the absence of my hand to hold it

I hope these memories burn into your eyes
And engrave my name into your heart
I hope you remember me

I want
Microwave time
With you
Not
Roller coaster time

I thought
we would have more
time
to fall
out of

love

I stopped writing poetry when we were together, because all my words became devoted text messages and phone calls. Of course, you were never a man who was good with words, and I grew tired of one sided conversational poems. And you grew tired of my expectations for you to reciprocate. So I guess the pain and exhaustion was mutual. It’s a year and a half later, and I’m writing for the first time in a long time. Maybe this is all over. Maybe the struggle no longer exists, and we both are free. You’re free to keep your words to yourself, and I’m free to set my words on fire. I’m sorry. I guess I’ve always been a solo writer.

It's nine
And the college fair is in half an hour
And I've never been to one

It's nine forty two
And I've made visits to seven booths
None of which
Catch my attention

It's nine fifty
And I'm wondering
If no schools seem appealing
Because no majors
To me
Are appealing

It's ten
And I have a collection of eight pens
After trading false promises
To fill out
Connection cards

It's ten ten
And the first college
Asks me
What I find interesting
Instead of what asking
What major
I am investing in

It's ten eleven
And after thinking for a bit
I said
Writing

It's ten twelve
And the young man
At the booth
Has given me
The last book he has
Which is a compilation
Of writing pieces
Of students in the school

It's ten thirteen
And I have filled out my first
Connection card
But I do not keep the pen
Because
I know I will remember the school

It is midnight
And I have read through
The writing book
Cover to cover
And have also
Plastered the name of the school
All over every corner
Of my brain
As well as
My bedroom wall

It is midnight
And I have decisions to make

I'd really appreciate it
If you'd stop hiding your affection

if i’m doing too much, let me know
don’t allow me to keep going
don’t allow me to show
i’ve been thinking too much
i may not know right from wrong
set my mind straight
don’t lead me on
set my mind straight
i may not know right from wrong
i’ve been thinking too much
don’t allow me to show
don’t allow me to keep going
if i’m doing too much, let me know

I started calling myself by a different name
And the people didn't want the new me
And I was okay with that

I stopped being the person I should be
When I started being the person I want to be
I'm not sure if I'm happy yet
But I'm on my way

I drink my coffee lukewarm
It's neither numbing nor scorching

It's been a ******* long ride and I'm a mess.

There’s no other time, I’m a mess
So I hope you’ll give me a listen
It’s two am in the darkness
And you can’t see my eyes glisten
You’re a thousand miles away
While you’re laying with me in bed
But the months of tension between us
Has spoken more words than I’ve said
It’s time to let go of the past
I know you can agree
My future doesn’t have you written in it
But that’s as far as I can see
Tomorrow, I’ll be gone
You know by the tremble in my tone
I’ll take my heart as a casualty
Stepping out of this war zone

Is four years after one burning summer
Three months after a one night brush
Two days after a midnight kiss
And one second after the last goodbye

The worst mistake I made
Was letting him take my words
Letting him silence me
Because it was then
That I had nothing

They told me that dreams could be achieved, so I could dream as big as I wanted
Nothing could get in the way of my success
So I dreamt of astronauts and doctors and believed I would be them someday
Now that I’m older, I know that there are copious amounts of things that could get in my way

One- they told me to dream but they shoved me into this hole of their lost lives
Trying to get me to be what they aren’t

Two- they box you in from the start, telling you that you’ll only be something in life if you go to college and

Three- college becomes the planet Mars that needs a hell of a lot of work to get to and it seems impossible but they say it’s worth a shot so

Four- you push yourself and every being of your body aches with contempt knowing that they give you expectations that are the size of lightyears
Expectations that exponentially grow every time you get an A+ in whatever subject the University of Mars looks for in your major
Expectations that seem impossible to achieve but they say it’s worth a shot

Five- if nothing could get in my way from success then I would be in every newspaper you read at the breakfast table
I would be known but instead I’m here as a triangle trying to fit in the perfect square mold that they have forged for me

Six- even if I fit, I would pass up on the trip to Mars because thanks, but no thanks, I don’t want to be the meat trying to fill the empty corpse that was your dream

Seven- am I so insufficient that I can’t dream for myself

Eight- I got good grades and I was never bad because I knew that I was going to be something in life so I forced myself to be the square

Nine- I dreamt big because I could
I didn’t need you or them to use me as their string puppet because if I wanted to get **** done I had to do it for myself
And my kids will never go through this, I swear
They will have no mold and I will never burden them
You see,

Ten- they told me nothing could get in the way of my success, but now that I’m older
Now that I’m older, I see that the only thing that was getting in my way
Was you

The next time
You call my name
I won't come running
I've spent too many days
Lingering hopelessly at your side

The next time
You say you're sorry
You will not be forgiven
You won't get a second chance
Too many chances have been given

The next time
I shed a tear over you
Whether it be one or a river
It will be made of pure happiness
In celebration of your good riddance

The day we all pretend
We actually like each other

Losing you came slowly
But I saw it coming
It started with the distance
You slowly began to fade
Our days together were numbered
That much we knew
Losing you
In that sense
Of just waiting for you to be gone
Was equally beautiful
And terrifying
It had to happen
Everyone has to leave
But your exit was a bang
A finale that no one would ever forget

If anybody
Could feel so contempt
It would be me
Right here
Right now
As you smile at me
While talking about her

Grabbing attention
Requires work
I neither like work
Nor impressing

Forget the promises
Forget the love
Forget the passion
Forget the first kiss
Forget the fire in our hearts
Forget the late night calls
Forget the so-called-spark
Forget the sunset beach walks
Forget the pet names
Forget the intensity
Forget it all, cause
I'll forget you

I always wonder if you miss me like I miss you
Do you still love me as much as you did last summer?
I wonder if you think of me now and then
Cause I'm always wondering about what you may be doing
If you even really remember me
You told me that remembering you would be past tense
Well, I'm here remembering you now, present tense
Remembering your smile like I remember yesterday
I know you like my own name
Familiar, memorized, but if you think or talk about it too much,
It begins to seem out of place, incorrect
That's how it was between you and I
You enjoying every other minute
And I, wondering