I don't know how I managed to love you. It wasn't you. It was me. I had a heartbreak that nearly made me numb for the rest of my life. I felt too much that I almost felt nothing at all. I was hurt. No, damaged. Emotionally and mentally. I looked happy, perhaps happy is an overstatement for the act I've put on so let me rephrase, I looked... normal. Sad on some days. But no one would have guessed that the ache in my heart was extremely painful I could physically feel it. I tried looking for ways to help myself but there was no medication that could get me back on my feet. And then I tried meditating but of course, I crashed into tears every time I stood up to pray. I asked God to help me and to heal my heart. I couldn't understand what kind of love would do that to you. I doubt it was love at all. I wish I could say that I'm simply exaggerating while describing my situation back then. I wish I could make it sound beautiful, like in the movies, or at least make a story out of it. But no, see, it was the furthest thing from beautiful and it is the last thing I would want to romanticize. I was broken, and then I was fine again. I helped myself, I took care of myself. I simply gave myself all the time and attention I needed. And I've sworn not to fall in love with anything temporary. I would fall in love with books and fictional characters and my own daydreams but never with something that could be taken away from me, never with a person. Especially since it's not guaranteed. But then, you showed up. I promise I had no intention of loving you. Until this very day, I wish I could stop it because my love for you brought us apart. My passion. My eagerness. And my desire. Then your coldness. Your carelessness. And the way it put out my fire. My dear, I'm not here to tell you about the things you did or didn't do. I'm not here to right your wrongs or point out your flaws. I'm here to tell you that you gave me a feeling that there is still a glimpse of hope. There is still some good left in the world. There is still, the tiniest possibility of soulmates finding each other. There is love. And my love, it is important. I'm here to tell you that rather than bringing out a side of me that everyone had the privilege of meeting, you brought out the worst in me. You showed me what it's like to have someone **** you off to the extreme but still, you wouldn't trade them for the world. You showed me a deeper connection and the true meaning of friendship. You showed me, in months, what someone else would fail to show me in years. You had the kind of laugh that made me believe that there is an ending to all my bad days. After hearing your laugh, anything negative would be eliminated out of my mind. You had eyes that struck me to death. You had that one-in-a-million killer smile and curls I could get lost in. You were exquisite. Out of the ordinary. You still are. And I think you always will be. You made me want to write again, to feel again and to experience again. I promise you, you made me want to sing at the top of my lungs to songs I don't even listen to and smile at strangers and talk about what bothers me. You made me head over heels for you. But then, you made me want to drop everything and leave. And although we lost touch, know that I love you still.