Roses are red
the sky is blue
I can't stop smiling
because I'm thinking of you
grabbing my waist
your right hand caressing my elephant tattoo
leaning in to kiss my lips
I love the way you taste
you're the only one I miss
cause I love
oh, yes that's true
there is no truer love
than the love I have for you
<3

It’s funny, how we laugh.
A crippled man with a cane,
We laugh.
As he struggles, we laugh.
We laugh in the face of his trouble,
His struggle to survive,
and we laugh.

We chuckle at the mis-matched student.
Camouflage pants and corduroy jacket,
An orange hunting hat and tan shirt.
We chuckle at him, in his highest fashion.
As he walks proud at his creation.

We boo the gay couple, and shun them away.
We laugh and call them names.
They search for oasis and fall short often,
Their acceptance here will never be forgotten.

We laugh at the difference,
The ones on their own,
We do not like the change,
From our norm society.

We laugh in their face, in their struggle their grace,
Instead of giving them the hand they deserve.
We walk away and laugh with friends,
As they struggle with their crippled acceptance.

I walk around with my label-gun
and stab you with your permanent mark.
You belong here, with them.
Sulking and alone.

Or you belong with them,
Rich and stuck up.

Or with them, synthetic beings
with synthetic organs.

Or with yourself, secluded and different.
Maybe you need no label,
Maybe just an escape

All I have are memories and curiousities
which I try to satisfy hunting around the internet
and finding very little except what I already know and
was it a dream? NO a thousand times no
How do I KNOW?
My poems are the breadcrumbs to my dark memories of the place
A place without honesty a place where I struggled to find the appropriate
illusion or delusion or denial that seemed to work for those successful here
but could not stand it, bear it, do it
and some could, but it wasn't good for them either
"this program is working" "we are at the cutting edge of education"
"our leaders are smart" and I couldn't do it,
couldn't activate that switch which is so close to those switches I struggled so hard to turn off
"my family is happy" "if I am unhappy at home it is all my fault"
and to turn them back on, for they are all connected somehow, would be a kind of death
and I'm not adept enough, compartmentalized enough
not yet. I made many mistakes there,
leaning on the unstable which caused him pain
trying to get comfort from a stone, which dislodged him
but it's over now and today I have a scholarship and I have little notes on my work:
"nice job," "very thoughtful response" and I am that same person I was only a few weeks ago
that same person who wasn't a "good fit" who didn't get it,
who was causing problems with her quick mind and rebellious thoughts
but now its over and all the people I offended have moved on
and the dagger stuck in my belly has been removed and the bleeding
has stopped, and healing has begun
and someday I will make peace with all this