I want to change everything about myself

But that's just a want I can't have.

So I guess I'll just deal with the mess I have now.

I often contemplate
On the complexity of life
Why darkness still dominates
Even when it's bright

It always seems like
While others are fine
I tend to be the only one
That wants to die

Drunk on thoughts
Disgusted with life
Get me out of here
I'm drowning inside

Intoxicated with madness
I'm in love with my sadness
The pain is overwhelming
Can't you see me crumbling?

If there is a God
I want to ask Him why
Why did He leave me
Holding onto lies

I try to suppress my memories
But instead
I keep them close to me
Only to find out
It is what that kills me

It's one of those nights
where I crave for you
your bright eyes
your wide smile
your messy hair
how you cheer me up
make me forget
all my pain
your touch
is like fire on my skin
sends my blood racing
the way you hold me
in your arms
I feel safe
appeased
at home
this longing in my heart
hurts so bad
all those are nothing but
memories in the rain

I still remember
the way
you made me smile
you brought me up
on my lowest days

I still remember
how our eyes met
from across the room
the laughter in them
your amused face
the twitching of your lips
trying not to release
that crooked smile of yours

I still remember
your striking clear eyes
our silent conversations
conveyed through our eyes

All of them
are nothing more
than memories

You left me all alone
in utter despair
but I won't stop
remembering

I guess
at the end

I'm just nobody

another girl

you flirted with
sweet talked

gave her heart
willingly

just one of
the many hearts
you've broke

you didn't even care

Now we're just
Friends in passing

You'd say "hi"
And I'd say "hello"

That's it

No more
Midnight conversations
No more
Inside jokes
No more
Secret knowing glances
No more
Heartfelt confessions
No more
Tender moments

No more
Us
Best friends

Now we're just
Strangers
Who once held each other's hearts
In their palms

she's tries to hard
to get your attention
but you don't even mention
her when people ask what you've
been doing she just wishes you had
a connection and you gave her affection.

his words left her so fragile
in this horrible world
she got curled up
into her mind
and it caused
her to go blind