You want a place in "My Heart"
But the room’s not vacant yet
You see, I would love to occupy you
But I’ve got unfinished business
My last tenant was a trip and left the place a mess
I’ve cleaned up some, but I don’t know how long it’ll take to clean the rest
And yes, I’ve noticed that your room is already cleaned from your last guest
But my room still has bags left
I guess it’s safe to say my last tenant left more of a mark
You still wanna see the room?
Okay, where do I start
Half of this **** don’t even work no more
And I would hate to put you here when it’s cold
Cause the heater broke
So I’m sorry if I’m not being warm enough for you
But my last tenant made me something like a different dude
So I’m more cautious about who I rent my space to
So I’m sorry I can’t love you like you want me to
But my room just got too much junk in it
And I just don’t think its enough space for you
So sorry but my apartment's closed
Even though I hate to say it
After I sort things out I’ll look you up
Hopefully you’ll still be Vacant

i didn't cry today
my mother did though
she says i've changed
it happened a long time ago

my thoughts are sad
they burn like coal
my words have changed
i am not whole

my wrists are sore
decorated red with fear
or is it blood
i won't last a year

i haven't eaten today
my ribs are showing
i smile at my reflection
my future is closing

The day has come
i have gone to sleep
my mother cried
i'm just another soul to reap

you hadn't spoken to me in four days
so i mixed enough screwdrivers and desperation
to mistake his strawberry blond hair for your black
and i can't remember saying yes or no
but i woke up covered in blood and bruises.
i patiently waited 23 years for love
and let solely your lips on mine
preserved for three in anticipation
only to give up in a grimy bathroom
to a boy with no last name
and a girl awaiting him upstairs.
life is not always a storybook.
later that night a girl sobbed on my bare chest
and told me never to trust anyone
that people will invariably let me down
that she wished someone had warned her
when she was like me
she said my wide-eyed naivete
was a bulls-eye
and i must not charge into battle
without armor and sword.
maybe this was a lesson i was supposed to learn
when you slurred it angrily last year
but my words are my white flag
and i've never been much of a fighter
so i'll start my breakneck pace towards heartache
with the exhilaration of foresight
and blinders for those with shields
until you cut me down.

i'm not beautiful
never will be
i'm not smart
you can't say that to me
don't tell me nice things
i am none of them
i am horrible
a monster
a human
i can't look at myself in the mirror
and when i do
i see eyes
showing disgust
i see them shaming
what they're looking at
i don't want you to tell me lies
let me drown and die in the truth
the harsh truth
i am not beautiful
i am not being humble
i am not beautiful
and never will be
not physically
not in soul

its been a month
since a blade has touched my skin,
and as i was taking a shower,
i shaved my legs and
i accidentally nicked myself.
i watched as blood
dripped down my leg.
i looked at in awe,
i know i miss the feeling,
maybe one more scratch wouldnt hurt?
but, thats where i stopped,
i didnt try to nick my leg again,
i didnt let the thoughts get to me,
i won.

another day down,
a whole life to go.
{dear god that sounds awful, huh?}

Society fears
Us looking in mirrors
And liking what we see
Posting 'selfies' online
Is a narcissistic crime
Because we're not allowed to be
Proud of how we look
'Cause in society's book
Insecurity plus jealousy equals pay
And when we cry
We're likely to buy
And the world wants us that way

The winter sky has always brought me an irreplaceable sense of tangible wonder
Only this time,
it was the stringing of melted words that I had been left to ponder
Even as the night grew longer and I simultaneously ticked away with the earth,
the steady beauty portrayed by the daggers which orbited above me-
In the silence and chill
Awed my fear into extinction  

(C) Tiffanie Doro