Took the leap of faith
I allowed myself to love
I fear getting hurt she means the world
Things are great I fear shell find someone else
Leave me out to dry up consumed by heartache
That passion fades I want to express my love
I don't want it to end or say goodbye
You know how I feel I said be friends you didn't like the idea
The thought of you with someone else is like death
Taking my life away everything that mattered seems pointless
If I could figure it out I wouldn't be losing it
Not playing or trying to be waiting around
Eventually well be together
Or depart save what's left of my heart

My jobs not great but its money
I don't need a girl but wish someone would love me
Tough love hard thoughts to cope with
Bad choice tough decisions
Part of taking control had enough
The rain is my weather makes things better
Thankful and overall growing  up
Even if life is more than showing up
Not caring staring off in the distant
Feeling numb being resistant
Consumed by anxiety hard to breathe
I know dreams shared them
Even if no one cared for them
Life lesson learned time already served
You chose less that's what you deserve

No inspiration
Now I cannot find the words
Oh well, it's over

There lived a girl, average and plain
nothing special about her aside from her naivete-
foolishly believing all people were good,
loving and trusting everyone she met.

She found types of love as she grew,
picking them like wildflowers
witnessing them bloom and die
pricking her soft little fingers on the same thorns
again and again
each time hoping the bloom would last forever
and crying her poor little heart out when it didn't

She wandered through life
wondering why evil triumphed over good
why kind-hearted people were hurt by heartless ones
never truly finding an answer
year after year

She grew into a woman,
cautiously edging away from innocence
eyes forced wide open with a heavy dose of heartbreak
the betrayal and sadness created anger that lurked in her belly

In the midst of winter she tasted lust
spiced and warm with a strong embrace
allowing it to carry her into a darker realm where numb pleasure ruled
faith was a memory, hope flickered

No longer white as snow
she marveled at how well she now fit
into the world slowly being devoured by shadows.

Because
I have known despair
I value hope

Because
I have tasted frustration
I value fulfillment

Because
I have been lonely
I value love

I don't even know you.

So why are my feelings so strong?

Why does every breath I take

Whisper your name?

Why do thoughts of you

Encompass my every day?

Will these feelings go away?

I hope so.

I hope not.

I don't even

Know You

"He was a skyscraper
she was a plane
she could surround him for hours
and nothing would change
until she began to fall
then he'd stand and stare
but only behind the glass
because that's how much he cared."

beautiful
yet ugly
wondrous,
yet-terrifying
proud
yet ashamed
wrist, thighs,
kept hidden
assumptions
and myths
when found
truth-hidden
forgotten
no one cares


shunned, pitied
disgust when found out
am i crazy?
maybe.
is that a bad thing?
probably.
do i care?
no.


short, beautiful scars
like a road map
show's me where i've been
how far i've come
how far i've yet to go.


i close my eyes
cut deeper, deeper
until the Demons in my head are quiet
hushed
from screeches to barely a whisper
but not silenced.
never silenced.
always there
lurking, creeping
trying to control me.


thankfully i remain in control.
i am the piolit
refusing to by hijacked
but am i in total control?
if i satisfy the Demons
am i doing the bidding of them?
or maybe am i taking control?
do the Demons control me?
i know not.
all i know:
i abhor
i adore
myself-


my scars.