I spent a lot of time on you, and that’s my fault.
Should’ve been more pragmatic with my temporal currency
I’m not a millionaire in that category, not yet
In any category, for that matter
I guess I never thought it’d be an issue.

Here’s the thing: I thought I thought I thought
I loved you.
Jeez. That’s a thing you should know, you know?
Something I thought I knew
But I was wrong.

It’s been a while, but memories come up
This time of year; this month
A lot of things happened this month, a lifetime ago
And you were in some of them
On the fringes, casting glances askance
Hoping I wasn’t watching
Knowing I was.

Like, I had a title— you gave me a title
“Give an inch” you know?
But I held my end until I couldn’t
And you never did.

I thought I loved you
I was wrong.
I know I love her
Because it feels nothing like before.

I wonder if you know what love is
Or if you only know wanting
The emptiness that comes from
Needing a foundation
Needing a stable parentage
Needing. . . someone to take up your burdens
Telling you it’ll be alright
Telling you you’re fine.

Needing someone to take up my position
I was a mechanic:
You’d take your problems in to me
I’d fix them up
And I wouldn’t charge you because
You were my favourite customer
I was never more than a stop on your errand run
If you could fit me in.

It’s upsetting, because so much of my temporal capital
Went to someone who didn’t appreciate it
Someone who could replace me
Someone who did replace me.

I don’t know why I thought I loved you
Maybe proximity gets you confused
Maybe familiarity gets you confused
Maybe maturity pulls back the curtain, throws light on our idols
Shows them for the half-starved lions they are
The manticore illusion dies.

I’ve been spending my time better now
With better people
With people I love and who love me.

She loves me; you didn’t.
I win; you lose.

I don’t think about you all that often
But when I do
I don’t get angry
I don’t think about you all that often
But when I do
I hope I don’t ever have
to make small talk with you

I don’t think about you.

But when I do
I hope reality shows you a mirror
And you peer into your actions
Remembering the people you chased away
The people who left you for greener pastures
And as you carve the tallies into the mirror
Marks of the ones who’ve gone
I hope you see that they are going toward happiness
And that you are living in unhappiness
Spinning webs of negativity as you
Verbally abuse the ones you “love.”

I hope life bites. And I hope you know
That you gave it the teeth to do it.

The wind doesn't whistle so much as it lightly breathes over this bottle that is where we live
The bottle of Earth
Or at least my city.

It's breathing with the sense of misplaced importance, like it's sure it's a foreboding wind, but it doesn't have the backing
Or the heart.

I hear it, feel it lap at my bare calves gently, as though I'm swathed in the tide that's just come in, just trying to hang.

I feel the wind, hear it, and wonder how much of what I hear is the airplanes on their path back home.

How much of what I feel is the memory of a trip I took to the beach once, where the bottom of my foot came in contact with a reef in the wrong way and I had to hobble back to our sitting spot on one good foot and a fresh-made blood-fist of a foot.

How much of tonight is fueled by the pills I took an hour ago and my own anxiety and stress and unease
How much of me is fueled by needing someone in my life
Needing an older guide
Needing someone with a couple of light-up popsicles to show me the way

The way back home from this humdrum, bottle-blowing existence.

And the shoe drops, filled to the brim with water
The shoe drowns, but I’m working the pumps
Keeping her afloat, keeping that shoe afloat
But she drops down , drifting, drifting
I’ve no galoshes but my feet are swamped and I can’t say anything
Never admit to cold feet, Dad used to say
Knee-deep in puddles and my only thought is “this is who I am”
My home-grown brand of comedy’s the life that keeps me living
And I’m laughing at the sound of me, laughing at my sight
Because the things I see and say and think
Are clowned up hard for me
A laugh a life and here I find
I’m laughing all alone
Wet shoes, wet feet, wet eyes
“This is who I am”
And I know it’s gonna be alright
I’m taking up the pumps
And the shoe that’s dropped picks up, picks up
Drifting off to sleep

I dream as though my eyes have gone
I creep and grasp at walls
And blood drips down my borrowed hands
I've found in hospice halls

Can you see me as I'm dreaming?
Or am I lost in space?
Don't tell me
Don't tell me

My days are filled with listless strolls
The nights I dream I'm blind
I toss and turn with sweat-soaked sheets
That tangle, strangle, bind

Can you see me as I'm dreaming?
Or am I lost in space?
Don't tell me
Don't tell me now. . .

Can't you see the bodies falling?
Tra-la-la-la-la
The moon is deep and dark this evening
Can you see its limbs?

Drop me down that shaft of light
And see if I can swim
If I scamper back again
Don't tell me I'm like him

Tell me that you're dying
And I'll say it must be Tuesday
You've got a pocket full of holes again

And there's nothing in the sunset
Makes me think that I'd believe you
When you're walking 'cross my path again

Hey, it's been ages since we've talked, you know
Lives have started, stopped, and dawdled on
And I'm not the one you met so long ago
I'm not the one you lost or need
So hello, familiar stranger
Hello, hello, goodbye

You tell me that you miss me
And I say, "grab a phone book,
find the number that I never, ever changed"

You say, "absence makes you fonder"
But I've been absent most my life
And there's nothing from that that I've ever gained

It's been ages since we've talked, you know
Lives have started, stopped, and carried on
And I'm not the one you loved so long ago
I'm not the one you lost or need
So goodbye familiar stranger
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

I recently finished a "collection" of "short stories"
It's really garbage and if you'd like to waste money, you'll find the info below











. . . But it is very bad so don't do it.