I discovered the reason why I deprive my mind of rest
It's so that the thoughts I never would think
On a normal, sleep-filled day
Will come to mind

Though it's pure torture to have my mind on until the young hours of morning
It's what I must do if I'm to dissect the structure
Of who I am and learn
Where I am going

A night like that was sorely needed
Confessed my soul and aspects of
My shattered personality

And yet, though I am fractured, broken
Damaged goods as some might say
She accepts me as I am

She doesn't bear the title of best friend
But she's closer than the rest and for
Many complicated reasons

The more I open up and show just how
Unlovable I truly am
The more she holds my hand

Something's shifted
Something's wrong
Repeated mantra, like a song
What has changed
What is altered
My disbelief has never faltered
Distrust in me, can count on that
Is this time too late?

Something's shifted
Some things begin
Deep inside me, deep within

What good is the truth and the rawness of soul when the deaf one's the one that I'm telling?
I'm speaking now, not for you, not for them, but for me
I want to end the short circuit that has trained my mind to be
Malfunctioning from the start of thoughts, and breaking at the fore
Of every single thing I've thought, as it happens, there's a score
Of thoughts befitting every kind of fiend that walks this earth
And yes, there are those other thoughts, as pure as babe at birth
But negative will always win while stroking little bearded chin he gently breaks the chords within
I can no longer see the light the dark will outshine every bright beginning to tell me what's right
It doesn't matter, nothing matters
Reality, the choice I once had
Stolen
Now I'm confined with the rest of my thoughts
To battle it out in my skull
Will I win?
Who knows? Who cares?
If I had the answer, I wouldn't be concerned
Who poured all the chocolate syrup on the floor?
There isn't any more
My chocolate syrup, rich and dark
Like blood to my lips, life-fufilling
Never spilling
There isn't any more

Let me smile for one last time
Before I take the fatal climb
Up the side of this house
Twenty stories won't **** a mouse
Says physics, but it's alright 'cause
A mouse I fortunately never was

Mr. Wall, where have you gone?
You've left me here, my friend
I'm not strong enough... I cannot
Cope nor self-defend

I need you now to listen close
To all the things inside
To you I'll make all visible
All things I've had to hide

Mr. Wall listen, please!
Oh, where are you now?
Mr. Wall I just need you
To support me as friends do
For I fear that I might
Be just
at the end
of my rope

The Vague Hope is the substance that gets me through the day
That unassured thing that tells me, "Don't worry; it's okay"
It never tells me how the things that seem bad will be alright
So I cannot quite refute it, and with me it spends the night
It nestles in my heart and head, and I like child, hold it close
It's always perfectly designed to be a saving dose
It fills my heart, much like the feel of Love, both pure and true
But Vague Hope's non-transferable, so I can't give mine to you
All I can say is that you must request it from the world
And from the blackened heavens an answer might be hurled
Like a spear thrown from the hands of Romans into boars
Vague Hope may be presented to be kept; forever yours

One day I'll write a book and it'll be a comedy
The world will laugh, and I'll just cry 'cause it will be all about me
My autobio that I'll write may make the masses smile
But deep inside my ****** heart I'll be hurting all the while
What chuckles! And what laughs! As they read from year to year
About my killer migraines or about my secret fear
They'll list their favorite quotes as if they'll keep them in their head
To tell with knock-knock jokes to kids when the conversation's dead
Yes, I'll become immortal as I always wished I'd be
But immortality in jest just equates to misery