ve - Hello Poetry

ve Nov 2013

ow

4:59 am
Opened my eyes, reached for my phone..
...

no
another girl. ***. ****. alcohol. no strings.
your ideal

Baby, why?
(You're not my baby)

You're a monster
YOU TORE ME TO PIECES, I STILL LOVE YOU
I'M NOT OKAY

How could you do this to me?
It will never be okay.

Ultimately honey
You're going to regret it

*goodbye I'm not here for you anymore

ve Oct 2013

how do you?

You sir are a piece of-
****, gunk, ****, ****

How do I love you to the point where all you do is hurt me and I still care?

How do you have it in you to hurt me when I'm always there?

How do you disrespect my wishes?
How do you do that?
We're not together anymore but you prey on my insecurities
...even more than before

I don't want you to know you still have my heart,
You sir... I want to tear you apart

I don't see how you could leave me
So easily
like I was nothing

I don't see how you still manage to smile and be happy

I'm leaving you, not like you left me
you still want me to yourself, but you won't commit

I'm leaving.
I'm not settling.

You party, you drink, you smoke, you almost hook up with other girls
*I still find it funny how your definition of fun is only when you're
under
the influence

You're lost.
You still haven't made up your mind as to whether or not you want me.
It's okay. It's not worth it. If you don't see my worth... It's okay.

I'm not here for you anymore, goodbye
Have fun with your "fixes"

ve Oct 2013

¿?

you make decisions without a second thought
you break promises without any remorse
took all of what I had to offer
you took it all, you came back, and i still give

I love(d) you with all of my heart
I've been used
you're unsure of your feelings but I'm still here
You have no one to comfort you, no one you feel that cares

So you come back

You came back, but for what?
To hurt me again, to make sure of your feelings?
You always change your mind.

I refuse to settle for someone that doesn't see my worth
if you can't respect me anymore, if all you have to do is hurt the only person that cares then goodbye.

*make up your mind

I did nothing wrong, I still don't understand why you could push me and my love away. Like I was nothing.

I hate leaving with unanswered questions
I need a definite answer, I don't have anymore patience.
I will not change for you

ve Oct 2013

walk

I passed by you in the halls,
I acted like you meant nothing to me
We walked beside each other for a brief moment
and there was nothing, no hand to hold, no hello
Just a side glance
How do we do that?
How do we pretend we don't know each other?

We've bared our all, our body, our soul, our mind, our spirit
You took away my spirit

We've seen it all,
all of each other

How do we do it?
I want to know

Today was supposed to be a special day...
The twenty-second
a date, the date

Today I feel vulnerable to my feelings, today I want to give up, today I want to run away from the pain you've caused and into the safety you've once given me... back into your arms but i can't

I don't know you,
you don't belong to me,
you're just another boy I pass in the hallway
*a stranger

ve Oct 2013

frozen

i feel like i'm numbing my feelings,
i got along fine before you,
but now...
i don't know what to do
i guess i was too reliant on your company,
you made me feel safe.

now i'm trying to get myself out there,
i can't do it.
i want to cry

you tore down my confidence and my self-esteem
you broke me
you took away what made me, me
i tried so hard before you to be content with life
and i was
...
being with you brought me back down

i gave you my all,
my love, my body, my soul
i let you in
and you gave up on me
i'm not worth it? hurting over a **** like you isn't
i put up with so much of your ****
all the **** time

i put up with all of it and i never let you go
i should've said this to you when i had the chance
being in front of you makes me freeze
i can't hurt you intentionally,
i know how it feels to be broken

what did i even mean to you?
how could you let go so fast?
out of an impulse??
over the phone?

you're not worth it,
you're the black dots of gum on the sidewalk,
****
i'm out of love with you,
i'm hurt
i don't understand
my friends say the reason for the break up shows up later on, just wait for it
he's not worth it, he's not worth it, he's not worth it, he's not worth it, he's not worth it, he's not worth it

all i ever did was love you, and you left.
all i ever wanted more of you when you started to slip
and you left
all i wanted was you
that's all i wanted
you, you, you

you turned me into this mess,
you made me bitter,
you never did enough to fix the small problems,
You apologized, but then you did it again
the last time we fought it was about communication, my fault
i was always the type to hold in my feelings,
but you gave up
you let me down and you could never bring me back up

my feet are cold, my heart is cold, my room is cold, i'm cold
just let me be *numb

i'm tired of the way my feelings affect my life, i don't want to wallow in misery.
i'll get over it, eventually.
hopefully, maybe.

ve Oct 2013

goodnight my love

goodnight, goodbye
i'm leaving, i have already
i get stuck sometimes.. in my thoughts of you
i get lost again, and i cry and cry
it gets better- i stop

i know that the past has passed and there's nothing i can do
i miss you, i really do.
but
so many other people are out there
other boys can strike a chord in me
today i held another boys hand and felt him start to sweat
(wow. i can still make boys nervous?)
his hands were soft; opposite yours
all i knew of him was his name and his face
but i thought of the what ifs...
what if???

longing, i long for your affection but i shouldn't
you are not for me, you gave up
i'm not going to settle for a man that gives up and doesn't think i'm worth it
i'm moving forward and i'm dealing with my feelings

(you called me just now.... what a coincidence
then you hung up after 5 seconds, okay)

i hope one day you look back and regret it
but for now i repeat these three things in my head for when i start to miss you:
1. he gave up on me, it's not worth it
2. there's millions of other potatoes out there
3. it can only get better from here
i still wish it was you though

heavy eyes, with a heavier heart
i'll find someone to share my love with eventually
someone that wont throw away all my efforts
someone that wont leave me stranded downtown
someone that will love me for all my faults
someone i can talk to
i'm going to find you
who knows when
we'll find each other

but for now,
goodnight to the boy that crushed my heart and still has it

ve Oct 2013

guitar strings

Your fingers on your guitar strings,
Plays a song deep within me
Watching you play makes my heart ache for you
There's a missing piece of me, your spot
Where your supposed to be.
I love you, I still do
You tell me not to wait but you're my baby
you were my baby

Who are you now?
I don't know you
You look the same, you feel the same, you smell the same
But you're not the same
You're not the boy I fell in love with
My heart hurts, I want to hold on
I want to love you, I want you to love me
But I want you to want it
I'm not going to force you to love me
I'm not going to play silly games in efforts to swoon you

I want you, I don't need you
I cry for you every night, every couple of hours actually
You're still playing, it's been ten minutes

Now you're playing say it ain't so by Weezer
No
You can't do this, you're playing with my heartstrings

Strings
You're great at playing with

One last song
1957
Milo Greene

You strike another chord,
On your guitar and in me

I miss you