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ve Oct 2013
you're undeserving of my attention
my love and my patience
do you have brain or does it live in your pants?
I shouldn't care
it's over
I want to hurt you, I want to make you feel like I do
I want to make you suffer
I can't move on, I still love you
I'm going to explode
implode?
implode

I'm going to implode
I hate you, why am I waiting
Maybe just one more week
and I'll let go
I need a distraction
A boy, a toy?
no, i can't hurt myself
You.  I want to hurt you
just
you
you are what i want to destroy
or do i want to love you
I need to scream
I'm going to break

I don't need a boy
I want a man
You've wrecked me
I can't forgive you
I want to love you, then break you
i want to tear you into shreds
and leave
i want to make you feel my rage
...
make you ache
make you hurt
i hate you
i hate you
where is my sanity
help
ve Oct 2013
bus ride
wendys
baseball field
my house
then the park

on top of the hill
the bench,
our first kiss
we weren't ready but it felt so right
we had to be together
i wanted you
you wanted me
but need?

a couple days later.
our first date
a movie of course
16 and broke, generic
it's okay, as long as it's with you
the hobbit
good movie, better kisses
i noticed how your nose sloped down a tad
i love your nose
i will forever love your nose
i still love your nose by the way

1 week
1 am
in my room,
on my bed,
sleep-talking...
you woke me up
"hey.. you said you loved me,
do you?"
was it wrong?
that's how i felt
too fast?  but you felt it too
you asked me out
nope, oops

3 weeks
Scarden
we were sledding with my brother
my sister and my best friend
that was the best day ever
i was filled with happiness
i'll never forget it
you made me smile so much and so long
my cheeks started to hurt
we went down the hill, so fast
snow to our faces, we laughed
cold, but you're with me so it's okay
i love you

1 month, 3 weeks
january 22
will you be my girlfriend?
yes,
i will
i love you
i meant it

spring came
eh, it was the same

but i don't remember now
where am i?
where did you go?
why?
my memories are slipping away
i want you to stay
please
stay

give me one last try
what am i doing?
i feel pathetic
begging over the internet
it's already over
you called it, you argue that you're not good enough
what???
what.
no... you're perfect.. i don't underst-

i'm not okay
if you loved me, why'd you go?
i'm slipping, i want to remember
i can't
why not?

my mind says don't look
my heart says get through
as they argue, i say
just let me sleep my day away
ve Oct 2013
downtown Toronto
you left me there, last week
I walked expecting you to follow me, I didn't turn around
finally I turned, you were gone
I was lost,
stranded in a wave of people
looking for art

the drunk and high teens walking around for who knows what
causing ruckus and yelling wherever they went
you left me amongst the young and old artists
the photographers, writers, sculpters, you name it
you left me amongst the old lovers enjoying themselves
you left me amongst the smell of cigarettes, marijuana, **** and *****
and I can't believe it
you actually left

you left me on the corner of King and Yonge
I was lost, downtown Toronto
no where to go
I sat down on the curb of a hotel
A couple tried to help me
tried to get me somewhere safe
your hotel room?
no, absolutely not
she was hot, but that's illegal
I'm not legal
and I'm not dumb

I was scared and alone
is that what the homeless felt like?
I saw so many people walk by
no one with good intentions stopped
I didn't look homeless, I know that
kids stopped to stare at me and they'd tug on their parents clothes
...they kept walking

I had to reach out to my exboyfriend
I had to get him to meet with me again
He liked the packed streets of downtown
it's where he belongs
with that stupid skateboard he's left me for so many times
but it's his passion, I understand
He was in his nature, I was lost

"Meet up with me please, I'm scared
I don't know where I am"

I started walking
     I had to ***
          He found me

But it wasn't him anymore

He
Was
So
Cold

he screamed
"why did you leave me?"
true story
maybe I was the one who left
ve Oct 2013
"One day baby, we'll never have to leave each other"
That was a lie

"You're the only one I want, we'll get though this"
We didn't start to try

"One day- "
Shh...

I don't want to forget how to love
It's not fair for those who care
I've lost myself, it started with love
Love didn't turn me bitter and cold
Living in my head has
Stuck in the past and the future
I've caused more grief for myself than you ever did
I'm missing the present
I don't want to be shrouded in resentment and misery
        I don't want to be defined as "sad"
I need to let go of the hurt and pain.
I need to embrace the heartache
My hurt heart only means that loves still survives..
I'm still capable to love,
this is why I feel pain

One day the love I've given will return to me again
One day someone will reciprocate the same amount of love I'm capable of
Who? I don't know
But one day I'll find someone who loves me for me
and won't give up
One day I'll be able to say the same loving words that's been said to me
and I won't hurt anybody

One day I'll be happy
One day you'll just be a memory
and a lesson
Thank you

One day you'll find someone too
I love you
I felt like I was starting to let go when I wrote this.
A couple hours later... I'm not sure how I feel.  
Do I want you or not?
ve Oct 2013
Eventually,
You'll be aching
When you do
I'll be here,
Already over the pain
Not necessarily you

I hate you

"You don't hate him, you hate what he did to you"
My anger fills me to the brim
I'm not sure how or why
I don't remember
I feel at peace for a few hours
The next, I want to punch your face

I hate you

You're going to hurt, I hope you do
I'm sorry,
   ***** you
I don't need someone that doesn't need me
I don't need someone that can give up on me
Its not your fault entirely
I didn't love myself first,
I'm sorry
ve Oct 2013
I'm tired of being used
I am a person too
You cannot take me, distort me
Then leave
You cannot use me for your own selfish needs
You cannot use me for company
I am more than a tool to fix yourself with
I am more than an object
I was there for you, who's here for me?
Help me
I can't do this on my own
I'm alone, so
alone
ve Oct 2013
you can't choose when you want me
you don't need me
you're the one who broke me,
why do I go out of my way to make sure you're okay?
you're happy, I don't know how to be
you have people that you can rely on
I'm alone
I always have to reach out
I don't like to talk about my feelings

"I think we should break up"
Please; not over over the phone
10 months, 5 of love, 5 of hate
I hate you
You tore me into pieces and you left
You picked at my insecurities, my hurt, and left
you were my happy
I don't know how to let go
You said if it's meant to be, it'll happen
You don't hurt someone you love then return
I want love not lust
You have the nerve
Is a ****** object what I've been degraded too?

what now...
"toughen up and live my life"
we don't need each other anymore
but
how do I let go
I have so much rage inside
and some love
I can't let go,
Not yet

— The End —