in 4th grade i was sure that i wouldn't survive 'til middle school. i was sure that i'd **** myself before i even stepped foot into my new school.
today was my last day of my first year of middle school, the day i never thought i'd reach.
in the beginning of the year i wrote a letter to myself, telling future me to not **** themselves. to not blame themselves for everything.
now i have to see if i'll stay alive 'til i graduate middle school, til i graduate high school, til i graduate college and have a life of my own.
i.. dont wanna do this..
i dont want to. i really dont want to. i just want to end it all, all the pain, all the stress, everything. but i have to do this for everyone else
i wanna live for everyone else
to tell their stories if they can't tell it themselves.
this is what they need anyway. its for them.

If mustangs are gay,
I’m a mustang.

you scream and threaten to kick me out, throw me out of your home, over a ***** bowl and spoon in the sink i won’t clean.

im not your perfect ***** <3

wishing and begging and praying will do nothing all you do is want and want and want

knowing you,  

your life would be so much better if i just disappeared and you show me this Every Single Day.

I am just the mistake that you regret every single day.

I am just a burden

made me feel like a better person,

was it half-assed?

yeah.

but i got my point across and let me clear the air.

im sorry.

school student found dead after friend dies in front of school


they say he committed suicide after he found out that his friend, actually died in front of the school as she’s been saying for years.


he said they wished to run an orphanage

wished to live together with their friends


truly a sad death between two friends

is what i would say if you actually gave a **** about me for once

****, it hurts to be replaced by one of your friend’s girlfriend huh

yet you always blame us for it.

i keep telling myself that im out of it


im done with relationships

that i dont like anybody


and i keep thinking of you.



i've realised that hey,,, i've fallen for you.

It's a bit humid outside,
It's raining at the moment.
But,
Good afternoon.
I have been traveling a lot.
A few places in a day. It's a bit scary.
But, I'm grateful for being able to travel.

so much anger and sadness all solutions include me dying

you are a liar who will never choose me.

okay i’m tired of being treated like the dirt on your shoe but you don’t get it because you think you’re the best ever in the world

what does it feel like to love?
do i love him?
or do i love her?
i don’t know.

i heard he likes me;
but what does that mean?
does he enjoy my presence?
am i fun around him?
do i make him happy?

he used to like my best friend though,
we joke around, saying
“oh he has a thing for orchestra girls”

unfortunately, i can’t say i like him back;
but i also can’t say that i don’t like him.
because i simply do not feel such a thing.

i heard that if you want to spend time with a certain person,
for the rest of your life, you love them.
if i want to spend the rest of my life with one person,
to do amazing things like,
travel the world,
overcome all our fears,
and so on,

it would be nobody.

i hope this thing kills me

i scream and beg for you to care
about anything

about me
about your firstborn
about your
about
a


me

sometimes i wish you would just hit me so i would have actual proof of what you make me suffer through

for wanting the bare minimum

i wish you knew the physical pain i feel in my heart every time you do this

i wish you knew i pray for him to let me go in my sleep peacefully

i wish you knew that i have no reason to keep going

i wish you knew just how much i love you

i hope you know it’s not your fault

i feel like a piece of shattered glass clinging together with tape

i thought we had something.
i thought you cared.
i thought i had you.

then-

you drifted away.

you fell out of my arms.

and i lost you.


i lost you forever.

when is it an appropriate time to die? i am so done with this.

ill pour out my feelings for you again. like we did, a year ago.

why are they called sunflowers?
why do they represent "happiness?"
is it because yellow represents

h a p p i n e s s ?

oh well,
ill grow sunflowers
so i can feel
less empty
inside this body.

whats your favourite flower..?

the more you act the more i realize you don’t love me at all

i feel as if
i am not the one meant for this body
i am not meant to be here ?

i am not meant
i am not

i don’t know who this is
i don’t have a purpose
i don’t have a future
i have nothing
ii would be better off dead

every day i am reminded of how unwanted i am

how much i deserve nothing

how i am nothing

how i will never be good enough

are you playing against me? are you lying? are you ignoring me? i had a winning hand every round yet you said i have nothing. i have nothing

you expect too much.
he doesn’t wanna do anything
you expect me to do something

i’m sorry that i’m not ******* good enough for you.
i’m sorry that i don’t want them to touch my ******* things.
i’m sorry for having boundaries????

i feel like i’m NOTHING.



i come for attention,

attention seeker if you will,



but i don’t even get attention at home

after telling me that you weren’t into us

i’m confused

was it always there

i ******* care about you

you dont care about me

i love you

you dont love me anymore

you hurt me

you break me

you make me feel bad

you're one of the reasons that knife cut my skin


and i love you and would take a bullet for you

the way my world was shook quiet
by you
when you screamed
my name
from across the room.

all of a sudden
it all came back to me.

i ******* loved you.
i really did.
i had this amazing feeling whenever i spoke with you.
we never met.
we spoke as online friends.
you said you loved me.
i believed you,
then
you left me
you ******* left me.
we don’t talk as much anymore.

we don’t talk.

you stopped replying to me.

and unfortunately a part of me still loves you.

i believe i have it but im no professional and im not self diagnosing because i will be told that im attention seeking

of all things
why me
why is everyone
trusting me
So many people believe in me
but in doing that there is no hope
encouraging things
feel like 28 stab wounds

why don’t i do you a favour?
i’ll ******* **** myself for you,
now wouldn’t that be easier?
you don’t have to yell at a ******* like me anymore :)

how it feels to hurt hurt hurt

until
i can’t

hurt anymore

and all i feel
is dread and emptiness

just how much longer can i take this