I made it to Lizzie’s household.
We’re drinking *****.
Nothing better than getting drunk while jet lagged.

I can't sleep.
I could try to find Lizzie.
But it's late.
I should at least get some sleep.

YouTube has been stressing me out anyway.

See you then.

2 minutes before midnight.
I can't seem to fall asleep.
Maybe it's the jet lag,
Maybe it's the stress.

Or maybe it's because I want to see her.

I'll see you soon Lizzie :)

I’ve arrived.
I miss you Lizzie <3
See you tomorrow.
It’s a bit late. 9pm already.
I feel a bit jet lagged.
Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow Lizzie

im about to fly from japan to sweden.

see you soon lizzie <33

its okay to cry.








but sometimes i cant,
sometimes you put me under so much pressure

and i skip the crying.
i skip to the panic attacks.

sometimes i skip the panic attacks.

i skip to the mental breakdowns.

and then i pass out.

"you're getting fat, you need to start exercising."

It's a bit humid outside,
It's raining at the moment.
But,
Good afternoon.
I have been traveling a lot.
A few places in a day. It's a bit scary.
But, I'm grateful for being able to travel.

Ja, ich habe Fehler gemacht.
Ja, ich habe Dinge getan, die ich nicht hätte tun sollen.
Liebst du mich?

Verstehst du mich??

Nein.

Das macht man nicht

Danke.

Bitte nur-
Lieb mich.
Kümmere dich um mich.
Gib mir das Gefühl, zumindest jemand zu sein.

Denn gerade jetzt,

Ich fühle mich wie ein Niemand.

Ich bin niemand

I took a plane to Taiwan, today.

I like it here.

It's nice.

Dear, I do travel a lot.

Oops.

Maybe, next time I'll take my friends,

Zǎoshang hǎo, ài.

4 in the morning. seoul, south korea.

its a bit early for me.

i should get out of bed soon,

but im so tired.

maybe i can walk around to see what cafes are open.

just breathe.

it'll all be okay, love.

freaks by jordan clarke

ich liebe dich.

!
!
!
sprichst du deutsch?

nein?

OK...

i just wanna defend my friend.

*****.

no they’re not bad.
honestly
without them
i probably would be dead by now.
so please

don’t take them away from me

reading can block out reality.

i cant tell if im mad or, jealous, or maybe even something else.


you dont tell me anything.

you dont let me do anything.

if i killed myself,

i'd regret leaving you.

if you killed yourself,

i'd regret not helping.

but you dont let me help

you trust other people with your emotions.

not even me,
.
.
a friend of 8 years.

i know


im a *****.


but.


its like im not in your life anymore

i thought we had something.
i thought you cared.
i thought i had you.

then-

you drifted away.

you fell out of my arms.

and i lost you.


i lost you forever.

thank you.

thank you so much.

i agree.

you should block me.

:)

ims rory
ims ro so sorry
i didnt meant its

plaese coem abcl

jsut plaease coem ack==

ims o fuckigns stupif why cant i do anything corfrefctkt

my\hejkpl? ism so ******* stupid i cantg do this anymote

this aisnt oggod gor me ai can t - i cshoudnt do this.

get out of my head.
stop it.


this is my body

get out now

pleasds stpos

gte oust now pelase

here we go again

awh. thanks dad.

i know right?

maybe ill **** myself over it
maybe itll make me cut myself again.
i dunno man


maybe you should stop 'lil guy.

y'know.

i might go bye-bye because of you.

i found you.

after searching for what felt like forever.

found you.

haha.

hate me now

i dare you.

the act of throwing someone out the window.

i mean,

what makes you think i’m right?

i’m a ******* after all.

so.

don’t listen to me.

you said i looked nice.
you said i always look aesthetic.

aw.
thanks.





i think i look like ****.
cause nothing matches

its ****** clothing


i think i look like ****.

:>

:)

smile. your feelings dont matter.
just fake it.
just agree with him.
tell him what he wants to hear.
suppress your emotions.
stop the ptsd.
oh- wait.
its fake,
according to him, it's all fake.
no worries.
i dont need a therapist.
after all,
it's all ******* fake.
my feelings,
depression,
anxiety,
insomnia,
anorexia,
ptsd,
panic attacks,
they're all
fake!
i've had 3 panic attacks.
so what?
f a k e
they're fake right?
why then?
why can't i feel anything?
why does it hurt so badly?

my body doesnt trust you.
it doesnt know when you're gonna feed it again.
it thinks that you wont feed it.

so-

i just wrote 5-6 suicide notes to people and im not done yet

"i loved you"
to me?

"love you"
to her



i-

i might cry?

i ******* knew it

why is it such a surprise

you dont love me!

im not good enough

im not

good enough

i can wear them now.

i dont need to hide my scars.

i just have bracelets.

but sometimes they move up too much

and you see them.

:)

you wouldn't care!

who am i kidding?

you wouldn't.

haha

No.

'' im not scared ''

haha

haha

haha

haha

liar.

you don't.

stop lying.

bye-bye.

im done.

maybe

maybe

maybe

i

maybe i

should just

d i s a p p e a r

wouldnt it be easier for you?

why would you tell me?!
i know ****

why the hell would you tell me anything

your life is with them

only them

im nothing now

im nothing ****

you dont ******* care.

i mean
youd rather love her.

cause yknow.
you ******* love her

"ill always love you"
"ill never leave you"
"love you babe"

*******.
liar.
you dont.
dont lie to me.

please,
dont lie to me.

i know you love her

leave me behind.

i dare you

leave me.
leave.
now.

i know you dont care

so just stop it..

i know youd rather date her

i know

i know

i know.

bye
.
.
.
.

BYE..

i-

you dont love me

nevermind.

sorry.
im so sorry.
im sorry.
im so sorry.
so.
so.
sorry.

broski leave me alone

bye.

it doesn’t feel right to be in this female body.

i want to be a boy now.

my new name is evan.

i could become an eboy

they seem nice