i’ve always known that you never loved me

i just don’t know why it hurts so much now

is it wrong of me to be jealous?

you didn’t seem to care too much when you saw me last.
i guess it’s different since it’s your parents but
could you act sad? just a little?

i feel unimportant to you. i feel like im nothing to you.

for someone you claim to love so dearly,
you don’t seem to care about leaving me behind at all.

you are a liar who will never choose me.

if i die then i won’t have to deal with all of this hullshit and pain and stupidity and eveufjjgn i need to be gone now!!!!!!!!! then they will all realize they ****** up and are stupid

for some reason, everything is always my fault.
you ruin everything, you make me have to apologize to parents because you can’t control yourself, you take all of my things, you curse and say slurs, you bully and belittle me and others,

but for some reason,
it’s my fault.

it’s my fault that you cursed in front of my student, it’s my fault that you bully me, it’s my fault that you take all of my things, it’s all my fault.

but

i didn’t even do anything.

you do all of these things

yet  i am the only who gets yelled at and punished.

the pain in my heart in unbearable and i feel like im being crushed with all the pain the world has to offer.

i feel tears streaming down my face yet i feel no sadness.

i fight and fight and fight everyday
only for it to amount to nothing
and to feel even more pain the next day.

i don’t want to do this anymore.