why cant i ever be there for them
why am i never there to stop them
she started cutting and i couldnt.. stop her..
my other friend started too
"i just wanted to fit in"
i had a long panic attack on my birthday
fake smiles
i just have to fake it n theyll believe me
"oh im fine"
"im just a bit tired"
"im fine"
it hurts
it hurts so much to know that theyre doing this to themselves
i ******* love them
i love them so much
but i can never... ever... save them..
i couldnt even stop them if i tried
im so stupid..
im such an idiot...
i cant do anything right..
i can never do anything right..
theyd all be happy if i were just.. gone
none of this would happen
none of it
its all because of me..
my fault..
everythings my fault..
i cant cut myself im 4 days clean already..!
my moms coming to visit...
school starts monday
my grandfather might have cancer again...
and- i cant do anything..
i cant help..
i cant take care of them
i cant do ****
im worthless.
why love me anyway?

i want it back

i want my happiness back

my happy family back

my loving family.

where no one would touch me

where no one would call me names

where no one would blame me for everything

where no one would shout profanities at me.

where i had my perfect little family.

where everyone loves each other

where everyone was there for each other.

my safe spot.

is gone.

Why can't I ever stop them?

“still not home”

dads not home yet.
he probably passed out at some ***** house again.

i should start cooking for lunch.

yep.

i’ll go get groceries first,

then i’ll cook food


and hopefully he’s back by then..

dads not home yet.
i have to clean the house still.

then i need to get groceries.
and wash the car.

i’m tired

but i shouldn’t be sleeping.

the house needs to be clean first