The ones we trusted the most
                       pushed us far away.

I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning

I had a blue phase
But it wasn’t a sad phase
More of a ‘you’ phase
Because you are so blue
To your very core
But a happy overly friendly and helpful blue
With its sorrows hidden away in its rich depth
And purple undertones
After meeting you
And being with you
It’s impossible not to associate you with blue
Considering your slightly insane obsession with it
But it’s also funny
Since blue is the ocean, the river, the deep cool lake
Or the overly chlorinated public pool
And you can’t swim a stroke
Oh irony…
You are irony
The nice guy that wouldn’t ever hurt me
But who made me hurt myself the most
Trying to protect
The one I was already so close to
A relationship shouldn’t have been much of a stretch
But the one I ended up farthest from
The one who wrote melodies in scores
Just for me
But the reason I stopped playing
Music reminds me too much of you
You are music
The deep melodic kind that touches the soul
The way you touched my heart
Gently and sweet
So moving and tear jerking
In you sad purple undertones
You are rain
That slips through my fingertips
Leaving only the vague impression of ever being there at all
Only a slight bit of azure beneath my nails
But you are flames across my heart
Scarring deeper than you’ll ever know
Warmer than I’ve been in the longest time
You are the sun
Warming everything about you
And shedding bright light on all my flaws
You are wind
Whispering your way in through the cracks in my soul
But intangible as ever
Still you push through
Leaving blue in your wake
On my sunglasses
That block out the sun and your brilliance
Because it hurts so much when I’m so dull
My candles
That feed my pyromaniac addiction to flames
I’m just always addicted to that which can bring me pain
My clothes
The ones I bought just to please you
And to get your attention of course
Even my diary
Where all my laments over you reside
Blue
Like you
I had a blue phase
And I can’t seem to get rid of it

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

Our relationship ended a while ago
9 months we spent apart
Then fate finally made us friends
Settling confusion in my heart

Just friends, nothing more with jokes to laugh
I only know one thing about us to be true
Years from now I'll be looking for someone
Just a friend; someone like you

Come back to me, my love.
You’ve been gone far too long,
And it’s half-past time
For your return.
Bring back your beauty,
Your inspiration, your passion.
The tides coming in fast tonight,
I’ll stay by the lighthouse,
In case you get lost.
You can find your way back to me, love.
I’ll light up the night sky
With all the embers burning in my heart.
There must be a way,
You can return to me.

I
The longer I stare at your picture on the screen
The closer I imagine us to be.
Pixels arranged in your shape
Form a convincing illusion:
Ersatz love.

II
That little (1), that yearned for harbinger -
Words of love, of friendship
Are imminent, a mere click away.
Breathless, I make the leap
And learn all about the exciting new program of the Minnesota Orchestra.

III
I pressed my lips against my message to you.
The screen was warm against my lips.
I inhaled the fragrance of your reply.
It smelt of warm plastic.

IV
I waited all day by the radio for my request:
The one portion of influence I could exert
Over fluid swirling chaos.
They never played it.

V
You didn't reply to my final text of the conversation,
As if you'd walked away and left me talking to myself.
It was then that the pettiness of my complaints
Truly struck me.