I still think it’s so amazing that I got a boy like you to write a poem
A boy who was all analysis and weights
A boy who was all about being self made
I got someone like you to write about me
That still amazes me
My friend told me once that’s how you know someone loves you-
When they pick up your habits
So if words and writing have become yours too
I hope the walls are coming down
I hope you took note of small things too
If one poem about me is all you ever write, then at least I’ll know I meant something—even for one night
If the lines you wrote never see the light of day
Then I hope you keep them with you
That would still amaze me
But I think that’s how you know
If someone really loves you

(v.m)

I always cry for you at 3 am
Like clockwork
When the world is asleep
I always cry for you at 3am and I’ll cry at 4 too
Because I know that’s how you make wishes come true
When my eyes are bloodshot
And my head is pounding
I know someone hears me
I just don’t know if it’s you
I always cry for you at 3 am and I’ll cry at 4 too
Because I know that’s how you make wishes come true
When my heart aches and my body burns with pain
That’s how I know the magic is working
You’re laugh and your whisper will haunt me until your return
I always cry for you at 3 am and I’ll cry at 4 too
Because I know that’s how my wish will come true


(v.m)

Why does it feel like you died
Even though your still alive?
You weren’t the boy who took my virginity
But yet somehow I know for a fact
I gave you my soul
I know for a fact that you loved me too
I could see it when you’d look at me
I would look up for a second and glance back to find you in a daze
I’d ask what you were staring at
And you always stayed quiet
But I know that look meant something
I can only hope it was love
Did you know I sleep with a picture of you under my pillow
Did you know I pray for you every night
Even though I’m not religious
Did you know being tangled up in my blankets is how I feel close to you
You were the boy to break the curse
You broke my three month curse
Only by a day, but we made it
You broke a lot of records, and for that I love you more than anyone
You tried to get me mad one night and when I yelled and burst into tears you said “come here” and held me tighter than a life jacket
When we laid in my bed that first night you said you weren’t going anywhere



—you said you were all in


On the 15th you told me something itching at you and then held my hand and gave me that same look of love and kissed me harder than anyone ever has


—you said you would try


But then you said you needed time

It’s been a week and I haven’t stopped crying.
(v.m)

I guess I'll do the same as I've always done,
Write poem after poem about what loving you felt like
Even if you didn't
I'll write poem after poem about the way your laugh rose and fell like mountains and music to my ears
I know I'll write poem after poem about the way you looked with the moonlight kissing your face
I'll write about how you told me you didn't want to get hurt again
I'll write about how you told me you hated your real dad and wished him the worst
Even if I wasn't the girl you saw marriage with
I'll write about how you were selfish yet strong
Poem after poem I'll write about you
Even if my knuckles become ******
I'll write about the book you found for me
That was something special, something loving, something I'll never let leave me
--Even if words never meant much to you

I'll write about what loving you felt like
How it felt like air
How it felt like sun
How loving you felt like waking up
Poem after poem I'll write about our night by that trail you took me too where you went to run on nights you needed to get away
Maybe that was nowhere special but to me I guess it will always be that
--Nowhere special, Somewhere special
Poem after poem I'll hear you telling me how soft my hair was that night we got coffee
Poem after poem I'll remember you telling me your mother could tell I loved you by the way I'd look at you
--Even if you never looked at me that way
Poem after poem I'll remember the night you laid on my chest and let me hold you
I'll remember how you counted my heartbeats, you said my heart beat at 100 beats a minute, and yours beat at 117 beats a minute.
Because you timed it
I thought that was something special
Something noteworthy
Poem after poem I'll remember how you said you felt like you had known me forever
I'll remember the night you told me you loved me, and you told me what we had was different
If you go up north where the leaves change colors poem after poem I'll write about how your almond colored eyes always held bigger dreams
- -Even if you don't want me apart of them anymore.
So if you never return,
just know, Poem after poem, the love will never leave me.


(v.m)

don't fall in love with me if you still think you love her
don't fall in love with me if you don't hear wedding bells at 27...
don't fall in love with me if you don't plan on coming back
don't fall in love with me if you don't want to be made into a poem
don't let me write dictionaries about the way you breath if you don't want to be a part of love stories anymore
don't fall in love with me if you don't believe in fighting for what you believe in
don't fall in love with me if you don't see sunshine when you look at me....
I know the cliche thing to say is fireworks....
But I want to be sunshine

At least I hope I was
I hope I radiated through your window on days you didn't know which way was up
I hope you fell in love with me anyways


(v.m)

I'll pray everyday you come and love my piece of sun
Air and the sun have always been the perfect pair
Take as long as you need I get it, my love
The sun will be ready to rise when the air splashes through the clouds.
The air and the sun have always been the perfect pair.
There's a future worth keeping.

Why do I make poetry out of people?
I wonder why I do that?
Why do I make boys bloom like flowers?
I love you, yet everyone says you're emotionally manipulating my love
But I choose to love you through it
I know you're just a scared little boy who needs to figure out why the ocean touches the tide
Why he loves the devil with spiderweb ways
You ask if I'm okay with you being selfish and putting you before me. And I am.
You ask if I'm okay being in competition with a ghost and even though I wish the ghost was dead. I'm willing to fight for what I believe in.
Because you're the greatest war ever fought
You said too me"I'm all in if youre all in". And I am.
Why do I make poetry out of people
I wrote you a poem once, and I called it seasons.
Because you were a change. A breath of fresh air.
You ask me if I'm okay with the fact you'll never marry me.
And I am.
And if you choose to leave, just know I hope that just like every flower under my sun, that you regret it everyday and feel the burn of the breeze.
I wrote it in words once, that the love of the ocean never dies.
It won't.
So put me in a box and push me out to sea if you need time to figure out if loving me really is worthwhile.
Because I know, loving me is worthwhile.
You're molded out of vanilla and almonds but if you can't love me passed mountains, I understand.
I guess molehills are more appealing anyway.
And just like the girl in the story I wrote about us, I'll remember you. Because I have a habit of remembering everyone that leaves.
I know you'll do great, and I know you'll go off and try to make spiderweb lovers work,..... I know that's what you really mean when you say you need "time alone"
Even if you won't admit it, that's why you question your love for me.
And when I'm right and that crumbles like I predict. I hope you realize what you've lost. I hope it hurts worse than she ever did.
I'll still think you sunshine and love your elvis comb over.
I'll still miss the smell of vanilla bean and almonds on cold winter mornings at 5am
And my bed will always remind me it once held our laughter.
I'll always love you, even if you leave. I'll always be here, even if you decide to give up. I never will.
My god, Why do I make poetry out of people?

(v.m)