"I age an eternity a moment,an eternity that is fleeting in a moment and you imbue the impermanence with your seraphic presence."

I am sitting under this tree whose leaves sway in circles like my memories fading into myself;
yet alone a few memories resist this disintegration,resisting the frailty of the life.one of those memories whispers your voice and how you said "father,I have a wish",the tone sweeter than the voice of the ocean,when you are about to sleep and it's your bed-time story for me,you continue saying,"I want to live in the sky and be an angel who floats on the clouds,when I want to swing I would bend the rainbow into the oonjal and with every swing I hit the clouds so hard that it becomes so ecstatic and produces a roar.when I want to come to the earth,I come like a lightening which tickles the earth....."
I love how you sleep in the middle of the story and how your voice slowly disintegrates into the silence like how you didn't say "now I take this sound and whisper it in this ear and you are going to bury in your heart, this sound that emanated from me and buried in you could resonate with billion galaxies".

Do you remember this is the tree under which we used to play with the mud,you used to pour the water in the sand and cover the leg with the mud till the ankle and staunch it immobile for a certain period and when you suddenly remove the foot,it assumes the shape of your foot which looks like igloo.I love how you break the igloos that is when you try to fit your head in to its mouth in the obliviousness that it would break because your head is too big to fit in,I love how the specks of silt get struck in the strands of your hair.

Every subtle detail here becomes enormously exquisite and with every utterance I am drowned with the memories to a point of singular abstract thought.perhaps in the next life,I wish to born as your child because I want to spend my childhood in your lap,I have to live those moments when you lift me up and put me on your shoulders and pat my head till I sleep,that is the part of my life in which I have missed you and I will claim and live it....

I still remember reading your short story and the male character in the story says something like "there is no brightness without darkness and you are the darkness,perhaps when you die,the sun,the moon and the stars would miss their light shedding upon you,but I am the one who will be devoid of the darkness that which creates the very ambience for this life,that which creates this inimitable life..."I wonder what it means sometimes and what made you to think to write something like that,that which produces an inseperable thought..and I think I am too old now to contemplate on what it means......


The tree and I sit on this light-shed early morning ,I think every particle of light which is reflecting from me now shares my memory,so I suppose I spread this reminiscence all over this place,all that is seen and unseen shares our memories....it baffles me at the very thought that every experience we indulge in reflects on the very existence itself.... I take your voice wherever I go and live,it's like a plugin to my heart and you always whisper from within me,even now,It's 6:30 now and I hear you saying "close your eyes",I close my eyes and fade into the echoes of your voice.transcedence.

"She is like a lightening passing now through me like a tickle and so do I perceive every form of limitation as a transcendence..."

Even in the feeblest attempts of discovering the self,
I am immersed in the sheer beauty of this life...

I am the food but not mere taste,
I am the air but not mere breathe,
I am the odour but not mere smell,
I am the feeling but not mere touch,
I am the love but not mere emotion,
I am the destroyer of time but not mere time,
I am non-consequential but not unattainable,
light is just a happening of me but I am not the light,
I am darkness.
I am all-pervaded but utter stillness,
I am playful but utterly serious,
I am in absolute sleep or in utter wakefulness,
Universe is just a happening of me and I am nothingness.

What good is a star that burns in the space before your galactic eyes that ignited the space in my heart.
It has been on fire since then and now the conflagration is spread to my whole body and I am eternally raging with fire.
Had you ever rest your head on my spine,you would have listened to the conch shell of my heart...that slowly whispers my love in the form of reverberations...

I was thinking how could I possibly tell you how much you mean to me..
These words that I utter can only give you the faint idea of how much I love you,because the love that exudes from me cannot be compressed into words nor be distilled into actions nor be quenched with just kisses...

,I wonder what would be the next thing in the scale of evolution..what if one day everyone on the planet perceives what is done to them and what they are allowed to do and if they know that we are being operated by the mechanism of the default choice's of nature and now they want to take it over..and every one turn inward right now and not open their eyes for millennia until they attain moksha....even if it is remotely possible I love the idea of fooling the nature but again I don't think we are fooling her after all we are capable of making a choice because we have been provided that choice,so all we are doing that we are acknowledging the potentiality given to us and we are exercising the opportunity that nature has given to us...but again we are in her creation and we are a part of her intelligence so it is impossible to fool something in which we are a part of,we can never transcend the intelligence in which we are a part of...because you can be never something other than which you can be as we are in the realm of someone's creation..I think evolution is all about choices:The first scale of evolution had limited choices but this scale of evolution has unlimited choices..A human being can choose everything from birth to death once you are born..that which has happened before we were born perhaps is irrelevant ...and all this time we live as a human we are governed by the laws of the nature every moment and even if you transcend time,you can be the creator but then again you will do the best things possible and then again we are living in the best things possible..I wonder what is to be a creator,I mean a real creator Where you play with the elements and create a life out of that..it is a really interesting thing that once we transcend time we are capable of creating life itself without any copulation...so this kind of brings me to a question what good is a choice when we don't realise even that we are being given...we are being crushed by the default choice...we are lost in the basic rudiment choice made by the creation...it is may be because there are so many factors that govern these...but however we think we are being forced but I think we are being crushed by the default choice..the choice made by the creation...but if you take over and you choose then life will be your own design in her design..you can create your own blue print...but however the blue print is made out of the creator governed laws..

only when you stop thinking,you will feel.
when you start feeling,you will live for what it is,
when you start living,you will experience what it is,
An experience is the basis of the life.

An experience has to stimulate a thought,
but it should not be the other way around.

Beauty and ugliness are not in the eye,but in the mind;
Sense is coordinated by the mind.

Discrimination is the tool of mind,
The eye sees what mind wants to be seen.

To awaken the world and the life within
and to apprehend the wisdom of light,
The seeker must see with vision untainted by the memory.

Resolve is never stronger than in the morning,
after the night it was never weaker..

My past cursed me as it met you lately,
And It told me henceforth you are my life,
Even if this is a curse I feel and live it as a boon.

Time is travelling eternally but I want it to stop at this moment when I have seen you..
Please time,do not follow me when I am with her.
If you are not with me,I am not there myself,
Even If I conquer the world,it wouldn't be on par with the pleasure I revelled in from loving you.
The oblique drizzling drops are piercing and drenching the life within me..which is me.
It is because of you this unbearable sweet pain.

breezed into my heart when I inhaled,but don't elude me when I exhale...
You are staring at me as if you haven't influenced me,
Love for you has erupted from nothing or perhaps from staring at your eyes.
Don't fill yourself with past,live in this moment.
I am dwelling in the dreams and the waking life is telling me that the truth is in the path of loving you..and it is showing to me as a dream.
If I call this as love,then it would be diminished before this sweet pain of loving you....

The generation or society,where a human evolves out of his/her own curiosity,thrives and blossoms.

curiosity that is sprouted from the existential life that is constantly blossoming around you but not from the knowledge you have gathered gives a profound insight into life...

What a loss to spend your life energies and such an intense emotions with someone only to know that you are completely an oblivion to them....

The person who loves you is more important than the person whom you love....
It is seldom in the life that the person whom you love is the person who loves you so much...and it is unfortunate...

I love you absolutely
and you don't have any idea
of what can I do for you.
Ask me the universe I will embed in your eyes,
and When you close your eye-lids
you can see what I feel and mean,
I can be anything you love,
I can do anything u want,
the only thing is you have to ask me
or I have to know that you need it....
and even by the ripples of your breath
or by the fluttering of your eye-lids,
I would know what you want without being told,
love is not just an utterance...
Love is for me the source of my existence,
and I want it to be as a blend of our existence,
and the divine reflection of our creation.
I love you .....

Only when I am done giving,I can ask you for something in return..
But my love is a constant giving process..and
it gives me no room for asking u back...
The more I exude,the more I generate...
love is something that I generate and I am generating it constantly leaving me no space and time to think of whether u r giving back to me...
Shiva has given me this that is not exploitative by nature...and I am in eternal debt to him.

Somewhere after the nothingness and
antecedent to this somethingness,
Where you and me aren't two but an absolute one,
Where you and me aren't distinguishable by any means and no means,
And Where the time is unleashed from the unboundedness,
I want you to come to there with me consciously,
And that's where we will stay forever....ever...

Drenched in the sounds of the silent voice in my head,
and watched  it as it reached to my sinuous fingers curving the sounds,
Reading it, did I get deluged by the density of my words...

I have got an infinite number of places to go,
the problem is where to stay......

The deeds that you might consider insignificant and not such humiliating to someone,
are the deeds that can be a sheer harrowing sometimes to that someone...

I want to be a bard in the consciousness of the confluence of your eyelids,
Where the sounds merge into silence.
And nurture me from where your consciousness sprouts,
I would thrum like the waves of the ocean to the emanations of your reverberations....

If God speaks to me and wishes to fulfil my wishes,then I wish that I would be given the immense potentiality for once to destroy the whole universe.The whole cosmic wanderings.

The ability to recreate every moment you live and
imbue it with something as unique as "you" itself...

In search of truth

Did I go back and forth

Wandered through mountains

Bathed in rivers sacred

With the pious

Whichever way the blind pointed

With hope and zest me travelled

Every which way I smelled his scent

But round and round is all I went

Wasted lives to know the one who is not

But the feverish pitch of seeking would cease not

What does it take to fathom the ocean

Even fish or whale is clueless of the ocean

It is only the salt that can be ocean

A salt doll I became

Just a plunge made me the ocean.



So all it needs is a plunge.

With the first Roar
Galaxies fell out of your
Void. Here we scream
to throw out all that
checks and chokes us.
In a Roar you created
the limitless Creation of yours
In a Roar, we wish to destroy
the listless creation of ours.

Hoping our roars will resonate
with your mighty Roar of Creation.

Tear we did the chords of Sound
Open we did the doors of the Profound.

May every wimpy sound we
make be in tune with your Roar.

Restless
Ever since You infused into my Being

My eyes have not known rest

Eyes open I see only you in all

Eyes closed I neither know

thought nor contemplation or Dream

Just your wild Dance unnuanced

Or the death defying stillness

My eyes know no rest nor respite

With the all seeing One infused in Me.



This blessed restlessness

This relentless assault upon My Being

Please do not stop, Do not stop.

A sound that is not from the vocal but exuded as a reverberation from you is what this universe is all about.....

Burn me before her like a candle in the darkness,
Let her know that I am dissipating every singular solitary moment in her darkness.,
And I am giving away myself every moment to illuminate her darkness....
Only to know that she is utterly insatiable,
And I cannot throw light into her darkness...
I am just a candle and she wants galaxies,
She was there only to consume my light unless I infuse completely myself in to her abysmal ground and vaporise my light strikingly into her darkness...
She is a black hole where I couldn't escape from her gravitational pull,
and I don't want to escape either because of the same cause.....
Let her relish every moment of my disintegration into that darkness....
Let her relish the truth that I am gone from her forever....(but I cannot go)
And the truth that she never felt that I was with her at least would strike her now....

I am sick of seeing myself in the mirror;
Watching myself as she fades away from my eyes...

It seems that only enormous longing makes me to contemplate on you but not the moments of self-happiness,
Because when I am happy by myself I don't think about anyone or anything,
But do I want the happiness that doesn't include you?,
Antithesis is that enormous longing accrued over a period of time becomes suffering,
but I am absolutely happy to live this suffering which comes along with longing,
Because the moments of longing that thinks and yearn for you makes me much more blissful than moments of happiness that comes without you...
albeit the moments of longing are suffering...
I am willing to go through all the pain that comes along with your contemplations,partaken moments...

A deep distant voice he heard;
she whispered something that is more than a scream..and less than nothing...
rewinding the remnant delight....

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot,
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.

I can listen to her voice before making a sound.....

O mother, take me there, where I find the gratifying grace,

Take me there, where I dwell in bliss,

Take me there, where I ramble in rapturous joy,

Take me to that miraculous planet and nurture me,

O mother, take me there, where I find the tantalizing nothingness,

Take me there, in to the surrealistic world and let me ponder over the nature’s allegories,

Take me to this exuberant excursion,

O mother, I have become claustrophobic, I cannot live in this enclosed space,

Take me to the infinity where I have no confinity,

Take me through the valleys of sunshine and glory,

O mother, Let me live the eternal love,

Let me smell the soil,

Let me hear the choirs of sea,

Let me be an epicurean,

Let me squelch and tread on the planet,

Let me see the picturesque of nature,

Let me lay my body on the roots of heaven,

Let me dandle on your knees,

Let me construe the dappled sky,

Let me live and leave,

O mother, instigate your benign impulsion,

I long to see you and the world,

I want to be resurrected,

O mother, I loved you before I knew, I believed in you before I knew.

You cannot define silence as something that lacks sound.....
Let the lack of my own voice be heard.....

Are u there,there....where my voice doesn't reach but my silence does....
Are u there,there....where mine is not you but I am you....
Are u there,there....where you hear my utterances but still pretend deafness....
Are u there,there.....where my screams are conducive to your silences....
Are u there,there....where your stillness still ripples in my eyes....
Are u there,there...where My existence is your whim....
Are you there,there.....in this meaninglessly profound life asunder with negligible distances....
Are u there,there.....where my breath is quenched with your eyes...

If you resuscitate the world you see:It's an art.

she was hopping hopscotch with the children in the sunset lawn,
At the dusk her pellucid eyes would glare the intense orange..
She was hopping from one rectangle to another as he was peering love through his eyes,
The sunset veils her shadow:
Her hair vacillating on her chin and his eyes blink on her subtle smile,
She sprawled her legs at the end of the box that is drawn on the land,
She sees the rested stone through the space of her legs,
And her immediate turnabout titillated him,
horripilations tickled his flesh,
Sprawling,spanning and love placating:
Thus Susurrus smile spake to him,
She Shouted a few flying syllables as she picks the stone in the celestial joy,
Subtle zephyr billowing on her confluenced lips,
The evening zephyr as cold as her breath,
He saw her only once,but he remembers every subtle detail infinitesimally..
He only saw her once,but he couldn't forget the voice of her eyes forever...

Even loving you becomes the absolute failure,
It is the most beautiful failure I could ever think of....
For the simple moments when I feel actual passion.
I don't care if it is a delusion.

Sense the grandeur of your power
As you disrupt one life after another...

Suppose your right hand does funny things like beating you,poking you then isn't fundamentally something wrong with you and is it not obvious..isn't that ailment,for sure it is..
And so if your mind tortures you,hurts you,makes you suffer,isn't that ailment?..
For every thought you generate the whole body reverberates in a certain way and there is a whole chemical change..
When the chemical changes happen in such an erratic way then it is very poisonous to the body...
70% of the ailments on the planet per se is caused by the mind,
Somehow you try to manage this by taking pills everyday,
Modern societies have been treating ailments as a natural process which is a serious mistake..
In ancient societies if there is a disease they knew that fundamentally something is wrong..
Because illness is not a natural process of life...a human being is not supposed to be ill..
Modern societies have been treating like that because there is a whole industry which thrives on you,
World's second largest industry on the planet is pharmaceuticals..

How the system within you is supposed to know that you seek well-being,when your own mind is working against you.
life doesn't work like that...unless you do the right things, right things will not come to you....
When the chemistry within you is fantastic,then being blissful is natural..

From the conscious silence to the nomenclatural sound....
From the existential time to the reverberating silence...
Existential sound from the evolving time....
Evolved time from the sustained silence...
Time drenched into the time breeding timeless life....
Life is creator and creation,
It is the play of both of them,
We are their children and everyone of us,
Not just only human beings,every creature on the planet...
Existence is not human-centric,

We are living in the creation,creator is beyond physical....
Life is the voice of the creation,
and the source of our life cannot be seen through our eyes as it is more subtler and beyond physical,
Life is ubiquitous,there is nothing which does not have memory....
Even nothing which is everything and which is life also does have memory.....
Their memory is to act according to the intentions of other lives,
They carry our intentions and consequences,
Intentions and consequences are not apart,they are in the same moment
but one may descry the consequences after a certain period,
but they happen at the same moment as intentions does happen,
Silence bred sound,
and the sound bred me,
And then I am going to dissolve in to the silence......
Life is uncreated,In other words it created itself....
Let me dissolve in to the source....
You cannot breed consciousness nor silence nor the source of life,
one can only dissolve in to the larger entity....

Initially it was dark,
I don't remember what has happened before,
Perhaps I am not supposed to,
I perceived the rays of light through her dark skin,
I evinced it by closing my eyes,
I freed my legs and it hit her,she laughed at it,
I  stole her breath,she didn't complain,
I drank the food she had,she relished it,
I didn't know that she took all the nutrition on the planet to nurture me,
I peed in her,she didn't care a hoot,
I experienced what she experienced,
She became a conduit of my experience,
Then I became the basis of her experience,
I had partaken the moments with her
Without knowing what she means to me,
For the first time I drew my breathe on the planet,I was beside her...crying
crying, because of the ecstasy for having seen my source on the planet,
For all the things I have done to her,she really loves me like she had never before...
She is the mother who is the secondary source of my existence on my planet,
I am in the eternal debt to her,
If I am in eternal debt to her,
Then I realized that how I should be to the source of my mother and the creation of existence,
I cannot owe anything to her,I can only bow to her...
she is the mother of all the creatures on the planet,
So I walk gracefully on the planet,loving every entity on the planet,
Because they are the creation of my mother.....
If I really love and respect my mother for what she is,
I should love and respect every creature on the planet for what they are,

Love everyone because that is our quality.....

I don't know what it is,
and that is precisely the reason why I am living...

It is hard to accept that pain is an inevitable part of the life and that is pain...

Of all the misery and happiness that I have gone through my life,
it seems that the time is the only aspect that still fetters me to this life...
even a light cannot escape the time and it travels through the time...
If I **** the time which holds the life and universe together,
I would transcend this life..
It would illuminate my life and pave me the way to that constant experiential state of divine...

The state of being with no suffering is Shakti
The state of awakening beyond sleep is Shakti
When love matures and sweetens that is Shakti
The fullness and fulfillment of masculine is Shakti

When the sweetness matures that is Shakti
The divine which resides in the thoughts is Shakti
Whatever work comes before us is Shakti
The state of mukti, the end, is Shakti

The braveness which destroys laziness is Shakti
The flame which is instilled in these words is Shakti
When the best of fruits are eaten that taste is Shakti
When thoughts of divine arise that is Shakti
Shankara who lives on top of the huge mountains, his lovely flame is Shakti

The lap where life flourishes is Shakti
The strength which guards the earth is Shakti
The flame which stops one from falling is Shakti (denotes inner strength that averts fall/defeat)
The tapas that eliminates confusion is Shakti

The finger which stops downfall is Shakti
The one who spans the whole expanse of sky is Shakti
Her highness who eliminates karma is Shakti
The inner flame which shines from within the heart is Shakti

An artistic collaboration with skyblueandblack:

Ink the paper and quiver the heart...
Pines purred over the delusions of life..
Nostalgia attired with blue...
ridden by red,
inundating the heart....
Love lumps into words...
as emotions spurt through the ink eschewing
the brink of tears...
Fingers crave the curvatures of letters..
exposing the embodiment of emotions,
Here--
catharsis alludes through meteors of words...
pastiche of existence plunges through paper...
ergo the liminal of "conversation with the creation"...





Thoughts reverberate through the reed of my heart,

And it resonates through my words...

What is missing seems inevitably never existed...
As it is not to be felt irretrievable...