it isn't beautiful
not in the same way that you were
with your earth toned sighs
and your heart-wrenching lullabies
not like your summertime sweaters
or the way you waited for dreaming
it isn't beautiful
in the way you wore your sadness
cloaked over your sunken shoulders
oh so lovely
but it is new
and bright
and feels so very alive
it is beautiful like
I may never see your lips shake
and dreaming can wait
because I'm no longer
so heavily pained by day
it is beautiful like
escaping laughter
because happiness
holds no shame

You have taught me so many things

You taught me:
how easily a stranger can become an acquaintance that brightens your day, a co-worker that makes work a little more exciting
how abrupt that pang of disappointment can be when I didn't see your face
how maddening it is to keep your feelings to yourself
how rewarding it is to get those feelings off your chest, because you felt the same way
how crazy butterflies can be - when my stomach would turn in anticipation of seeing you
how childishly young I can feel, giddy with hopes of hanging out with you or getting a text
how both electrifying, and paralyzing, a first kiss can be
that love can grow seemingly overnight and that your whole life becomes consumed with thoughts of the other
that hearing "I love you" whispered from your dear one's arms is what would probably be described as Heaven
that I deserve to feel special, and beautiful, and wanted, and happy
that holding someone's hand or cuddling can instantly make you forget a bad day
how heart-wrenching leaving you miles away could be (even if we were only apart for two weeks)
what the first hug and kiss after getting off the plane should feel like
how nice it is to feel stable, comfortable, and make plans for the future

How quickly everything can change
that sometimes people won't include you, even if you're there for them and even if they love you
how drifting apart can make time stand still
how many tears a single person can cry
that wondering what the other one is doing can drive you into a form of depression
how realizing he's not ever going to be the perfect boyfriend again can hurt
that doubting everything you ever did isn't healthy, because it's not your fault
how not being a priority can make you the angriest you've ever felt
how distrustful I become of believing those words...I love you
that I still feel crazy about you
how it's possible to be upset and mad at someone and still want to fix all their problems and give them everything they want
how hard it is to let go
that sitting at home isn't going to help anything
that thinking about the golden days, when I knew you loved me so much that it was unbelievable even to me, isn't going to bring us back together
that you have a lot of growing up to do and things to work on
that my wonderful prince isn't always wonderful
that I also have growing up to do, and much more to learn
that a few months with you were some of the best of my life and I've never felt more special
how a real relationship should feel - and even though it wasn't perfect, I still feel like it was

And finally:
you won't be the one I have that relationship with, but you taught me what to look for when I'm ready

And for that I'll always be grateful

Many stories are written
Only some are true
But from my lips come truthfulness
As I share my dreams with you.

I have been through many trialed times
As my lovers love and then leave
Too many tears have fallen
Too many to ever conceive.

Then came the day
When love bestowed
A heart so warm and kind
The heart that I've been looking for
Yet never thought I'd find.

And now that it's been found, my dear
I'm  never letting go
I've lots of love inside of me
And to only you I'll show.

But be careful of my naive heart
For it breaks so very easy
I only ask for love and trust
It don't take much to please me.

My dreams have finally happened
My dreams have finally come true
I've found a place called paradise
When I found the one called you.

The sun cowers behind the clouds,
As the birds scream with madness
The trees drip sticky-sweet with blood,
As the ice creams weep in sadness

The wind exhales its dying breath,
The soils crack desperate with thirst
Bodies laid out like corpses in battle,
As the blossoms writhe and burst

The color of heartbreak.


The     empty         spaces           of          heartbreak.

The SIZE of heartBREAK

But The Memory:

That night
That day
Those shoes
Your hair
That smell
That noise
That song
My stomach
Your hands

That beat you tapped out with your foot
                                Made me love you forever at that moment



The Beauty of heartbreak:


i was alive.