honey

you looked
like honey
sweet
i wanted to eat

-but you were sticky

*insert poorly drawn photo of *******

Angels! Do you hear me?
Please, Lord God, I beg of you,
Hear my call!
Raise me up
Lord God, cast me down from heaven
Break over my ribcage like a summers pomegranate
For I am ripe for the tasting

strike me down with an arrow
make ribbons out of my bones
call my mother every time i die
tell her the weathers fine
and call on god to smite me
(strike me down, strike me down)

i think about her all the time and idk why we were at this museam for school and the fishtank reminded me of her because it was made of beautiful blues and plants and fish and shes complicated and beautiful like that and we went on the roof where there is a greenhouse and I wanted to stop and look at every flower because it reminded me of her they are all so pretty and shes so pretty and I've never thought about bone of my friends this much before maybe shes my best friend

you had oceans in your eyes and stars inside your ribs, they knew that they could never keep me from finding you. a universe in your head i begged for stories of the stars, all i wanted was you. they knew this was coming.

2. they tried to stop me from loving you as a child tries to stop the tide coming in, eventually the waves knock over your sand castle. they tied me up and taught me for a long time why you were not allowed but even i have secrets.

3. when they loosened their grip for even a moment i was free, and freedom tastes like apple hair detangler  and golden spray paint.
your hair held the stories of cities and your lips help the souls of millions, they knew that stopping me was like stopping the earth from going round the sun.

We blew bubbles toward the sky,
I jumped and ran to catch them in my hands
What did we pretend?
That we were fairies?

And I guess I'm a special type of sorry,
Cemetery sorry

You hurt so much but your touch is warm
I'm sorry I was never there
To keep you safe from harm

won’t you be my everything
i just want to be your anything
say something
say anything at all

i’ll find you there,
in the dark corner of the mind where terror and ecstasy meet-
in a dark, swirling tide

My favorite day of the week is Thursdays because I go to see you and we aren't alone but I get to see U and U are always so warm and smell like fabric which is a really nice smell cos it reminds me of Jo Anns idk what I am even saying I think I have a crush on you but probably not I just like you a lot I'm not used to having friends but I do like it a lot when you hug me idk

There's a girl I see a lot she makes me really happy and today I waited in the car while my dad went into the corner store to get cigarettes and a queen song played and I remember she told me she liked queen and I got butterflies in my stomach which I've only heard about in movies and I felt really nervous and suddenly I worry about if my jeans made me look too heavy or if my hair was messed up or if I looked pretty and idk why I think I just want her to be my friend

I re-read our texts messages when nobody's around

you never come to anything i do or say you're proud of me or say you love me you work all the time and the only time i ever see you is when you're smoking next to my bed cos you still make me sleep in your ******* room i hate you and i hate the way my lungs burn and I'm too old to be disclipned like that anymore its humiliating I'm not a kid anymore i hate you i hate you and i hate the way you treat my mom i hope you

i dont have determined feelings i just feel these overwhelming complicated emotions and I don't feel how other people do I have to choose to feel that way I wish I was normalmi wish I had normal feelings

I thought about kissing you today, and yesterday and the day before that. I know I'll think about kissing you tomorrow and the day after that, and the days after those days.

i hate being a girl I hate it they all made fun of me its not fair I asked to use the computer so I could run the program and none of them would let me and when I cried the instructor made me sit out I hate it I wish I was a boy I hate being a girl

people are puzzles
(and i solve them)

i put my hand in your sweatshirt pocket
but you drop your hand to the side
it hangs there

there are no mutual feelings between us
the numbness is all we have in common

i can see my breath in the icy air
we are all alone

we do not talk
it isn’t awkward
i can finally breathe

she reins supreme-
reinforced by clear lip gloss and misery (she disappoints me)
but i want her anyway

i’ve been thinking about you //
can’t get you out of my mind
(it’s easy to pretend there’s nothing between us)
we’re just two kids // maybe together //
maybe forever
no matter what happens //
you’ll always be on my mind
(all of the time)