As bright as you are
I could give you the sun

and no one would know that you have it

He used to think he had it all
and then he did -  and didn't want it anymore,
so he gave it up to climb the rocky coast inside his mind,
where days and nights were lost between
his thoughts and empty bottles.

He sat and listened to the surf collide below,
the years would pass, in time
the wind would tell him he could fly,
her voice the voice of angels with the dawn,
he stood and leapt into her arms
deceived.

Tonight I'm thinking about how much
I love HP and all the people I've met here
and even though it isn’t perfect neither
are any of us but its pretty **** close
and funny how we're all getting along right now
there doesn’t seem to be any chaos
or drama just a lot of love flying around
and I started to compare it to my life and how
my life has always been chaotic
kinda like HP used to be
and if you’re like me
you get used to the chaos
and when things are perfect
you kinda wish they weren’t
cuz perfection doesn’t ever feel
quite right
 
A dysfunctional childhood makes
for great poetry a wounded heart the same
but most of us are here as survivors of sorts
finding ways to overcome the ****
but sometimes I miss the ****
even though I'm too old for it
the **** has always been there for me
and now its not and
I worry I can’t feel without it
I know what to expect from the ****
the tingle at the tip of my nose
the rumble in my gut that brings up *****
I know where these feelings come from
from infidelity and feigning sobriety
from the blistering hiss of steaming words
******* ******* and kiss my *** *****

 
I once threw a baseball through a sheetrock wall four feet from her head
and it made her doubt me just a little bit just enough
to give me that little boost a little bump you know
I've never struck a woman in her case I probably should have
but you don't need to hear that **** she’s long gone
and thankfully you're asleep  
my **** never needs to be your ****
or even our **** for that matter
you don't deserve it
and could never understand it
I would never expect you too

Its late and I'm tired but all is well
and somehow deep I know
it always will be well with you and me
wrapped up in all this peacefulness
 
but sometimes I miss the ****

There has to be a better reason
to face each day buzz-less smoke-less sober
than simply not wanting to hurt her.
She tells me I'm a gutless feckless ******,
and if I'm not careful, wifeless,
which reiterates my point.

She is consistent and particularly patient
when I am distant and purposely averting
the blue of her searing gaze.

I am not selfish, just fearful of extreme flame.
I cannot handle the heat all at once,
I need it in smaller doses.

On nights I feel local I try to relax,
try to enjoy her touch
soft and warm upon my neck,
hands like butter across my back
basting me with fingertips,
a slight sizzle of skin

like a pig on a spit
I keep spinning over her uniform heat,
the kind of heat I need in order to allow
the all of me to be prepared for her.

She's got me close to done.