Yes I have mad anxiety
I’m working on myself

You want to shout and scream about how bad I was

But tell them what you did me and how it lead
Tell them how good I was
Tell them about my light within
Tell them how I was ended up changing
Tell them how I genuinely cared
And how I  always cared and worried about you even before the incident that changed my life

I’m not embarrassed on checking in on you
I’m not embarrassed at all
No matter how many people you tell
Atleast give them the full story
You want me to be the villain so bad

But the truth is no matter how the person is and even if they can’t be who you want them to be you don’t ruin them because their not at their best potential for you

I was seventeen ofcourse I didn’t know better about loving myself or others I struggled in that I told you that myself that I didn’t know how to love


Tell them how I changed and what I did to overcome the war in myself

Ask them what I said when it all happened I said
Let god Handle that  

The only inability I had was not being able to love you the way you wanted me to
That is not excuse to use threats
and treat another poorly
I tried being myself
I tried making time
I forgave what happen in the past
But I seem to not be enough
You don’t like me as I am
Everything that I do is bad
Even me breathing or going on errands is bad
I tried to communicate with you
You don’t want that
That leaves my hands tied I cannot do anything

I try to be their for you
But you don’t want me to be
You keep questioning what my intentions are
And why I still care so deeply

There has been no accountability on your part
I do care for you
I do
I can look past what transpired because
You were forgiven a long time ago

But really having the dudes roll up on me not
Him spitting his gum at me trying to disrespectful
We are grown
If you want to talk come and talk to me
Or else carry on and how you wish to proceed
It’s your call and lead

Dear God,

I ask that you go before me
may today be a beautiful day
and blessed day

I ask that you be with us every step
every mile and every inch

Father you are in many rooms and hear what we do not hear and see what we do not see

You know who is for us
You know who is against us

I ask that you pave the way for us
and may your will be done in every area of our life

may that be in relationships, our career path and this journey through out our life.

Father I hope to recieve your decernement, wisdom and knowledge in all that we do. Your strength is what holds together when we want to fall apart.

I hope that you are with us , and guide us in your way.

Please continue to be with our loved ones and those that are binded with us. May your angels be with us when an any attack is formed against us.

Plead cover us in the blood of Jesus and may we have the full armor of God.

In Jesus name, Amen.

I would and would rather
continue to
fight for you
and want to work through the ups and down with you
you don’t understand how cared and loved you are yet and that’s ok you’ll learn eventually
i am patient
I am understanding
and the one thing I will never deny
Is my love for you
So I already know
what I want
And I only want to work things out with
you build ourselves back up
and work towards the best version of ourselves and that is the best we can be
there is no such thing as perfection
you need me
tell me
my love
you know that I will always make time for you
I’m sorry I choose to sleep
I decided to sleep early
and not stay up all night
because I want to be up to hear from you
and not sleep in
my body is weak
but soul
is alive
and it feels for you

Let’s see if this lavender spray does the trick

I miss you
I just wanna leave everyone and
Vanish with you
I feel so low
This is fr making me sad

https://youtu.be/gZETa2L_iDo?si=8Mckg8EJKBZed70q

These videos have been on my mind to share with you

Copy paste the links and watch

1.)
https://youtu.be/PXX6OKbkcxk?si=0xFHHI5zQuv-GtJj

I want to be the only one in the picture
But if your using other people to pull strings of the heart
And dangle up above
That isn’t ok
Not because it’s upsetting
But I rather you tell me  how you really feel
Tell me that your upset
When you don’t hear from me
Tell me that you miss me
When I’m quiet
Ask me what’s going through my mind
Tell me how I can support you
What I can do to help
But don’t pull out the dagger and drag it across my heart
Do you want to love me
Or are you trying to hurt me ?

I wish that you were here with me
I wish I could fall asleep hearing
your heart beat
If you couldn’t sleep
I’d lay next to you and look at you and talk to you
I want you to
Experience
Peace
Love and Harmony
And wake up feeling well rested ;)

You’ve seen me cry
As you watched
I’m not hiding it from you at all
Be my shoulder to cry on I’d
Lean on you every day

I slept in for a while
My body just isn’t feeling it
It’s crazy how our bodies are shells
And how souls live on
My shell is
Done for
My spirit
Lives on

I don’t think it’s to late
I think things happen when there meant to
God is always on time
His time
It’ll be alright

Does not mean that I won’t speak to you
Does not mean that you will not hear from me
No infact
I’ll still be around
You’ll still hear from me
Just know that I’m working through things
I’m trying to live with the fact that my father won’t be here I waited for him to return for almost 20 years
I’m trying to adjust to health issues I have and create normalcy during my appointments I started shutting down and going numb it was to much to bear
I’m trying to be all that I can be for my people and yet I feel like I could do better I could change this
I’m stretching myself to much I’m trying to limit that and make time for some individuals I have yet to hear from
I’m saying your going to meet me through all of my phases and I’m letting you know that I will forever be evolving and growing and I hope you stick around for that

3pm on an outside stroll
will I see you then
I guess we won’t know
But here I am