Do you know what it’s doing to me?
Do you know what i think?
Are you listening?

That which I am successful at
I cannot do
Unknown to those naked eyes
see me outperforming last years body.
god its unsustainable.

How can you tell me
You love me, care for me
When you don’t care to see the inside of me
you don’t wish to explore that by which I live
I want to be dissected

My brain is an active volcano
Throwing lava bombs nearby with the friendliest flowers to be destroyed
The pressure pushes my magma around and I fall
In too deep
you’ll only watch

thank god you’ll watch
At least you’re there

i am imploding
my cup was full and now i am spilling over on every side
i microwaved an orange so much it blew up
like they gave me too much salsa in my burrito and it’s all over my hands when i try to eat it
no one else matters anymore
i see only you
i desire nothing more than you
nothing less
i want to braid our bones together

straining my eyes
sitting on the suitcase that is my brain trying to zip it up
pain medication
micro naps when i blink for too long
persistence
hatred
boredom
overload

its my new favorite thing
so smooth, stimulating color
like butter across my paper
scratching like mice making cave drawings
thats me
mouse trying to be remembered
that's all i want

There's nothing better than an emotional band.
when they knock themselves over with the words they wrote for the people they love or hate.
what drives that?
who do we think we are? writing the same things over and over until our hands bleed.

The new year is too cold for me
and if i'm honest I don't know if i'll last the winter.
I feel like i'm lost in the woods,
not a figurative feeling, but I am drudging through the snow
on my way somewhere I don't know how to get to.

In more recent news, I have lasted the winter
and i'm doing great. so ill include something a wrote the last time we made it out if winter, because sometimes it helps.

Theres Like an Actual Euphoria
Comes with finding it again
Like taking off pounds of weight
Diving into a cold pool
Or a hot one
Reaching the top of a tree
Finishing a book
Jumping off a high rock
Letting go of your air
Giving the reins to someone else
The relief is indescribable
I long for it
It’s all going to be ok

I wear my watch
on the inside of my wrist,
for the time is mine alone.

how many times do we write about unrequited love?
before it makes sense?
before we’re honest with each other about it
how many times can i bottle the same feeling up and puke it on a piece of paper
it feels like an endless game that i will never learned how to play
let alone beat
someone’s bound to fix the game, it took all my quarters and the bartender doesn’t have any more
i’m aching to get my name on the board