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142 · Nov 2018
READ
avery Nov 2018
I actually would like some feedback on my latest poem, I spent forever on it hoping everyone would like it but ended up not going anywhere
help me out?
avery May 2018
"I Dare You To Call Rachel A Butthead"
"Won't I Get Into Trouble?"
"Nah"
.
.
.
That summer day was one of that last times I saw you,
my cousin's sister, I was never too close to you
Parents afraid of me ending up like you
you never knew better
I could hear the fighting from next door
I never put two and two together
I should have known,
when you were arrested
and Sentenced
I should have known whenever you got high and told me stories
Of high school
But I didn't think,
when I wrote a letter
when I got the news
you never said it would hurt this bad
I Never Knew You Until You Were Gone
my cousin who I was never incredibly close too but I loved her with all my heart, died of an overdose yesterday
134 · Feb 2019
i love my scars
avery Feb 2019
scars are an identity that I cherish
I love the way the roll down my arms
the way they remind me of the times I hurt
climbing a tree
when you said that
sometimes I think
that scars shouldn't beloved
but they show the path that one has been on
you have validation in proof
scars should be loved
In progress
full coming later once I finish
:}
avery Nov 2018
I don’t know
If I love myself
enough to love you
I don’t know
If I want to get close enough
That I shut you out
I don’t know
If I’m ready
To get hurt again
I really know
If I get hurt again
I want it to be by you
avery May 2018
I saw one Star in the sky tonight
And I thought it looked lonely
Where were its friends?
Where were the other stars who cared for it?
Where were the stars who were supposed to stop it from doing bad things?
Why was it stranded, and not at home with its star family
Why was it alone, not even hanging with the other stars
Why was it looking as though someone had abandoned it
After a while of staring at this Star
I realized I identified with it
I was alone in my mind.
Stranded.
Abandoned.
Then the Star started to move
That's when I realized it was not a star but a plane, escaping the lonely night
Not even my mind can stay and care
Even my mind abandoned me.
My Star left me all alone, to fend for myself
My Star who related, who understood
My Star who was alone in his mind
124 · Jun 2022
pale pink
avery Jun 2022
this is what you know, that all things die
all things should cry at some point
all things should know how to pick rocks up and throw them
they should know follow the light that shines during the day, and look under logs to the things that don't.
that all purpose cleaner couldn't be for your brain, that unfinished things chained to the ground will always be shadows up ahead.
that once a ******* your bag breaks, a new strap will be required
that you shouldn't pick wildflowers but sometimes you can't help it.
that love shouldn't come easy but it shouldn't weigh.
that when your eyes sunk into your head, it was time to fill yourself with air.
119 · Oct 2018
they are all staring at me
avery Oct 2018
a claw scratches at my throat
I'm trying to speak but it won't go
they're all staring blankly at me
"I don't know" I quivered.
"How does the theme of belonging relate to my life?"
my heart races
my fist clenches
my chest flexes
my fingers tingle
they are all staring at me
I die
113 · Apr 2022
void is a cup
avery Apr 2022
your cup is empty
you pour people
add some job
a little money
sprinkle little things to make it fizz
too much fizz it overflows
to many things added and it becomes a jungle
the cup needs to be washed
cleaned, sanitized, put in the cupboard for a little
open the cupboard, remember that you can make drinks again
cup care is the most important, because if dropped, filled too often
it gets damaged, frail, old
new cups are hard to come by
new cups take time to make once yours is broken
fill it, empty it, wash it, again
empty for too long, you'll get thirsty and dehydrated.
filled all of the time, you'll drown
112 · Apr 2022
purple prose
avery Apr 2022
"stop writing like its a book"
but it is
everythings a book
a story
everything should be beautiful and detailed
should flourish with interesting words and patterns
if life was a painting I would use all the colors
if life was a dance i'd throw myself in the air
if life was a cake there would be flowers upon flowers upon garnish and taste, fillings and layers and gold edible sparkles covering it
if everything I do is not gorgeous, then why?
108 · Apr 2022
how i get
avery Apr 2022
i am not anything
i am not nothing
i am everything
all the time
every second
every minute
every hour
every day
i am floating
and i am falling
i am cold
and i overheat
i plan
and i spring
i change
my mind
my time
my clothes
my love
i color
i layer
im mean
my heart is huge
3 times too big
i build
i destroy
build again
i dig
i fill
i trip in the hole again
its how i get sometimes
107 · Feb 2018
hello there
avery Feb 2018
its me
im here
all alone
by myself
wishing
you were here too
wishing
i was her
wishing
i was with you
wishing
wishing
ugh
107 · Mar 2018
in my mind
avery Mar 2018
In my mind
There are many thoughts
I have a headache
In my mind
There are many things to get done
I think I will learn Swahili at 11:30pm
In my mind
There are doubts
There are questions
Oops
In my mind
I have a more confident person
Someone who can get all the work done
And not crash and burn
My mind
Is overwhelmed
My mind
Could use a break
But no
I have to get that A
I had to complete this assignment
I have to finish that season
Must
Stay
Busy
In my mind
I love busy
But the flu
And that headache
Sickness
Disagrees
In my mind
I am too busy and now I have the flu, I may work myself to death
106 · Mar 2018
Unstable
avery Mar 2018
This world of ours
Is going to break
Our sores
Are more fragile than we thought
The sorrow that we have cause to ourselves
Is our own fault
****
It's all so corrupt
The way we all think
How are we supposed to succeed
When we have to take all this crap from the peers of us
No more
Done
Stop
Stop acting like children
Like immature middle schoolers
Respect eachother
105 · Nov 2018
felon
avery Nov 2018
are you committed
cause I'm your crime
103 · Dec 2021
Path that leads to water
avery Dec 2021
oh the places I’ll go
I knew I’d end up where I need
No matter if it’s where I want
No use in fighting it, that hurts
Throw yourself into the waves and teach yourself to swim
Don’t be too scared of the sharks before you’ve laid eyes on the reef
Show them you can, show them you care
Do it out of spite, do it out of hate
Find the drive, don’t crash the car
Get bit, bite back
Return stronger, taller
103 · Feb 2018
2:33 AM
avery Feb 2018
this is when i shine
when my true self
comes out
when you aren't awake
to stop me
this is when
i am alone with my thoughts
and i
cant
take
it

                            h
                            e
                            l
                            p
101 · Jan 2021
more or less
avery Jan 2021
sleeping more
eating less
seeing more
feeling less
hearing more
talking less
97 · Nov 2019
Did he know?
avery Nov 2019
His mind, a field to which I long to run across
His heart, a ball that I wish I could have the strength to hold
His chest, a bed that on I wish to sleep
My face, the obvious signals I’m trying to give
My heart, he’s grabbed hold of for way too long
My name, that I wish for him to call
avery Oct 2021
One day our world may end
I don’t need another lover
96 · Dec 2019
watch.
avery Dec 2019
i’m here as you fall for him
i stand as you gaze into his eyes
i watch as you drift deeper into love
it would be heartbreaking, but it’s my fault
it’s my fault i fell
deep
deep
deep
into his abyss
96 · Apr 2019
h e a v e n without you?
avery Apr 2019
I'm in love with someone who hates me
I'm in love with a *****
a horrible person
someone who would rather not hang out with me
have you ever talked to someone you used to be heart in heart and step in step and then they left
they stepped out of line
they took a path you'd like to but they have created a blockade
I want to follow but I'm too far
I've fallen in a hole and you don't believe me
I've cut too deep, but not deep enough for you
maybe if I hurt more
if you saw me cry for you
if you saw me spend my time figuring out what to say
less symbolism
no more vagueness
more love
understand me
I can't keep deciphering you boo
i broke down as i wrote this, hence the change in style, tone, mind...
88 · Oct 2021
to a degree
avery Oct 2021
Sanity comes with being bothered
Not caring
Not worrying
Not glancing
Checking
Hurrying
Is insane
Relaxation
Is for the psychopaths

Fast flashes fall leaves fly by
I don’t see them until I say to cry
I love my mom
But
I have good grades
I am happy but
I broke my marble
86 · Jan 2022
the smaller
avery Jan 2022
bigger things to broad
the pain is large
the happiness is small
how to find love in a world full of restless people
what do you do when you cant see the beauty anymore, but you know its there
metaphor is too much for my mind
being direct keeps backfiring
i hate it all
85 · Oct 2019
I love it.
avery Oct 2019
the way he makes me smile
I love it
when his name pops up on my phone
I love it
when he looks at he with those blue eyes
I love it
every time he sees me, he comes over to give me a high five
i hold on longer and so does he
I love it
Kind of a lot
84 · Oct 2019
I thought I got away
avery Oct 2019
The waves seemed to chase me
I let them take over
I felt defeated
I almost drowned
I stood up in the deep water
I walked to the beach
I stood there in triumph
I saw the waves retreat
I laughed
I said “to think you could get me”
I stood terrified as the tsunami rose
I ran as if I could escape
Finally I stopped
Finally I’ve accepted my fate
I said “I’ll survive”
I thought “it’s just a crush”
It’s just a crush
84 · Dec 2021
do you think you need it?
avery Dec 2021
do you know anything about yourself
or is it a distraction, for attention
Do you love yourself, or the things people convinced you that you are
how would someone even know themselves if all they know is what they’re told
all they think about, must be crazy
no matter how much time I spend with myself, in the end I’m more interested in you
83 · Mar 2022
hustle
avery Mar 2022
productivity is a dragon
slain by the knights of pleasure and sloth
security is a castle
built by the dragon
housing the knights as they tear from within
it was not built in a day
or two
or seventy-five
the forest where you're from is a castle of its own
the knights roam free in the forest
but theres monsters there
82 · Dec 2020
once a day
avery Dec 2020
i think about just stopping
80 · Jul 2019
Far
avery Jul 2019
Far
They’ve got ahold of me
Ahold of my love and my feelings
Gripped although we were close
As I walk, I long
Long to be with you
But, as if you were here
You left
This state of mind has me talking to the moon
Wishing you were looking too
Maybe if
There was more time
And less distance
Then our love would stretch far
80 · Jan 2022
I am so tired of my phone
avery Jan 2022
Same old rotation
Searching for meaning in programs
Only stimulating I don’t know when
I cry
I die
Somebody take me
80 · Jan 2021
again
avery Jan 2021
i’m trying to be healthy
i’m eating more than one meal a day
i’m working out
i’m smoking to have a good time
i’m pushing through the bad times
again
78 · Nov 2019
unpredictable.
avery Nov 2019
My snow globe of a life, shook up every time I step out of the safe confines of my room
Every word I say a small vibration in the plates of my world, shaking me without consent
I’m trying to stand up straight in the snow the clouds the trash flying all around me
Is this a snowstorm or a tornado i can’t tell if it’s temporary or if the end is close by
Oh so you have your life together? You think you balanced the snow globe just so? It’s the easiest thing for me to just? Get you all, shook up
78 · Aug 2021
i had the best time
avery Aug 2021
everyone wants to be my friend
everyone tells me how much i’ve changed
i’m being unblocked
by people i thought were here the whole time
by people i thought had been mine
i had a change of heart
i stayed with the others
i saw the other side
you have nothing to say
100th poem :) thank you all
78 · Jan 2022
what if this is it
avery Jan 2022
what if all im good at is this
what if im not even good at it
what if the only thing thats relieving is writing it down
what if i dont get any more than what i am
what if that not good enough for myself
what if im doomed to be restless
to be unhappy
to be the same
77 · Oct 2021
Park bench
avery Oct 2021
Notice me
Sit with me
Talk with me
Learn with me
Grow with me
See with me

Know everything about me
How high I like my benches
How green I like my grass
How small I like my spiders

Climb with me
Scratch with me
Fall with me
See where I put my footholds
Bleed where I do

Wash my clothes
Make me food
Finish my thoughts

There’s so few who could, who wants to.
hard to find
77 · Dec 2020
i wanna feel everything
avery Dec 2020
a bucket list for the mind if you will
77 · Feb 2021
.
avery Feb 2021
.
it’s not the rejection of the “cliche” you despise, that matters, it’s the respect you gain for it as you drift from each other
avery Dec 2020
you think when someone writes, all the insecurities flow into the poetry and out of the person
you’d think it’s relieving and is viewed as an outlet
i find myself trying to be someone i’m not
for fear of being myself, who i despise
i find it hard to believe i think so cliche
73 · Oct 2020
i made tea
avery Oct 2020
i made tea and it smelled like early mornings and carpooling to high school
i put on my old perfume and smelled heart pounding and felt kisses
i wore my sweatshirt and i haven’t felt warmer than i did on the bus in february
i made coffee and heard voices asking for a sip because they are literally falling asleep in first period
i made tea
73 · Feb 2018
Scrapes
avery Feb 2018
as I do sit-ups,
I ask for a mat
Because my spine
Scrapes
On
The
Ground
I eat
So much
but you cant tell
you only see
The
Scrapes
On my spine
"Eating disorder"
Only if eating
more
than my whole family is a disorder
don't judge me
for my
bony arms
and my
flat ***
DONT judge me
for how hard I try
"Where does it all go?"
"Anorexic"
"Skinny *****"
who the **** gives you the authority to make fun of me
I Hate Myself
for the wrong reasons
I eat and i don't gain weight
70 · Oct 2021
eye contact
avery Oct 2021
where are you going? who are you with?
who do you call? for how long?
why do you walk like that, talk like that..
read like that, write like that..
converse with them, why do I?
how did I find you, and you me
beehive, anthill, sky
city, town, school..
who are you,
where did you come from?
Speaking of the general public, eye contact references the feeling of minuscule in the world, around your peers and friends and subordinates and superiors. the wonder of complication in other people's lives and pity or fascination by it. the love for the world and the range of feelings and activities in it. the library and the number of strangers I see every day here. it's fun to watch them and see where they go, how they pass me. I am in their lives for only a few minutes and yet, I still think about them for way longer than they probably think bout me.
70 · Mar 2022
progression of the beat
avery Mar 2022
Piano, soft melody plays
A guitar, acoustic growth brings a heart skip
Drum set joins, I dance more noticeably
They skip, drums change rhythm and she begins to sing
It flows, getting louder
a wooden flute takes her place, she sings background,
I rest for a second to remember the words
I roll on my back letting the lyrics consume me
Sing along, talking to the music
I love this song
68 · Feb 2022
Mindless
avery Feb 2022
Wandering in the meta verse
Finding a reason to stay awake
Crying when they don’t come
Bored of the time consumer
Tired of living in my skin
Trying a new one is out of the question
A hole is so very difficult to dig
Harder to get out of
The illusion of progress seems like a sick joke
Hating the world so I don’t have to hate myself
Hating the circumstance but not making the change
Do not take anything for granted
Time is precious no matter
68 · Dec 2020
pool
avery Dec 2020
i want to sit at the bottom of a pool
until the water flows through my lungs and restricts the oxygen from my muscles
leaving me unable to breathe.
gasping for air where there is none
reaching for a life i would rather not return to
warm water
67 · Dec 2020
the stars
avery Dec 2020
ice frozen on the street quiet like sand
crackles of fireplaces match when she steps on the snow
she wants an escape to wonderland with alice herself
fills her days with people she loves, every second busy no space for doubt
leaving their memory of her sweeter than the last, just in case it is just that
she sits down in the street and looks up, sees the massive sky, she’s never looked at the constellations before but tonight the brisk air told her too
she loves the stars, how they are small and yet, more terrifying than any personal shortcoming
she says she loves the quiet and shivers to herself as she begins to put herself in perspective
love is the single greatest invention
she uses it to calm herself
she loves the stars
67 · Feb 2022
resident inhebriate
avery Feb 2022
All the colors have to be different
New strokes of my art say everything i cant
They are new i expect
The change is the only repetitive feature of me

Designs stay the same only because they are different
Old habits happen to be new habits wearing masks
Careening past what i thought i knew into something i know all too well
Same place, different time

Change the lightbulbs
Do your laundry
Love someone

Find disdain in the world
Say its pointless
Try not to believe it

Consume
Give and take
destroy
Cycle after cycle of frustration and grief

Continue, the worst you could do is stop
or keep going with this thought
67 · Oct 2019
Off
avery Oct 2019
Off
.
Faint
Overwhelmed
Exhaustion
Turmoil
Somber
Stone
But when I see you
Happiness
Laughter
Desire
Smile
I can push down the rough things
And stay afloat on the feels
66 · Mar 2022
my person
avery Mar 2022
Soft kneads on the blanket I am under
A tender plop down should feel better
Purr exponentially rattling my mattress
pressure, comfort in presence
Eyes can see into mine
He knows everything I feel
Relentless, get off your phone, love me more
You’d like me to rub the space between your whiskers and your face
Peaceful, you close your eyes
I toss, I turn, you move to rest me
No one cares for each movement as you do
You sleep, curled into a ball
Couldn’t roll, too snug
I see you, your happiness in calm
It consoles me
65 · May 2019
rut
avery May 2019
rut
when I talk it's never the right way
the way that I knew was right before?
when I walk it always sticks out
Did I use to fit in?
I'm in a rut and I can't crawl out
there are ducks all around me swimming smoothly
why am I paddling so hard?
?
65 · Aug 2021
so many lonely nights
avery Aug 2021
mesh days
shaking hearts
still nights but
you’re dripping
dropping
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