The thoughts in my head are indescribable

They take me to places I don't know or recognize

But they also lead me to destinations that I've been before

Memories in my subconscious that I would rather forget

Memories in my subconscious that I get frustrated that I forget

My mind tells me many things that I don't speak out loud

Sometimes it tells me that death is the only way for me

Other times it tells me that hope is the only thing I need

Other times it tells me to not use it so much

Some more times it tells me that I don't use it enough

My mind is my enemy and my friend

My comforter and disrupter

My antagonist and protagonist

The beginning and the end of my being

I feel like I can't control it but maybe that's the problem

Maybe I have to just let it be

The only fear I have in this philosophy is that I may go crazy

But maybe I'm already at that point

How can they tell me how to live they life

When they know full and well that they moving trife

Hypocrisy rampant all in the streets

Why you always trying to control me?

You just do you and I just do me

It's as simple as can be

But they just wanna complicate

And I just can't contemplate

Being that obsessed about the way
that someone else decides to live

How someone decides to give
Themselves, to the world and the universe

I don't care about their energy

I'm only concerned about mine

And I'm only concerned about stacking these dimes

Moving genuinely and stacking this bread

Until the day I drop down dead

I talk to myself and reassure that I'm that *****
That one day I'll be big pimpin just like Jigga

You say you don't care but we know that that's a lie
We being my demons and I

We know where your true intentions lie

So you can never play us
And you'll never catch me lacking
Never catch me falling off
That's a line for Travis
Somedays I feel like a young Scott
Before he got all the way on

I know the powers that I posses
Using these words and tools, I just have to express

You only know me when I want you to
Please don't get it twisted

I done let people in that didn't deserve that honor

To my depressed state, they've assisted

But just know I'm still gonna win in the end
And my new flex gonna be fine like wine
Aged well like a young Halle Berry
The waves that I'm on should have my enemies feeling scary

drifting away from it all
misunderstood always in the fall
Maybe we should've known that this was how things would end up
Maybe we should've known that things would get ****** up
I wish you the best even though I think I was for you
I don't know how your life gonna play out
I just hope that you regret it one day
switch
Money trees
I wonder if I blast for you
Will you blast for me
I wonder if I cry a river for you
Will you even shed a drop for me
Will you answer my moans of agony in the winter's breeze
Or will you just leave me to die
To hell with me, to you I don't deserve to be free
The masses are self medicating and trying to cope will the overt lose of hope
That's why many are taking grams that's made with soap
And pushin it on the streets labeling it as dope
And that's where things just get worse
You lose your mind when you hit that bad ****
People start acting like they blind to you when you hit that bad ****
I got a older cousin right now
And for years he was ****** up and out of it
And now he 30 and just getting back on the horse of reality
All because he hit that bad ****
Sometimes I question my sanity through it all
Am I really on the right or am I not
And is that the reason why things feel like they going left?
I feel like my happiness and innocence left me when I gained knowledge
Knowledge about the way life be sometimes
Knowledge about how the people in it act
Knowledge to know that with one wrong move, I can shatter it all
To never have it again in tact
So am I true to you
Are you true to me?
How many more people will hurt because of me?
I take these thoughts
I write them
I laugh
Because at the end of the day, when the world looks at me
They don't know the half

Thinking out loud is what I'm doing
I ain't trying to make no poem
I'm only flowing
I'm only talking what's on my mind and how I feel
I just hope my words are strong like stainless steel
Many times in the day I find myself looking at the layer of myself and all I do is peel
Peel back who I am and the many depths of my soul
Sometimes I ask why I don't be feeling whole
And many nights I feel a slight pain in my heart
But even though that pain is small
I know that it's real
It's like love and headache
You only know if you feel
But I know that my blood is rich with strength and resiliency
So I know that the lord and my ancestors are forever with me
And I know that they still are watching over me
Like guardian with all the kings and queens
I was just at the African American Museum and that **** was overwhelming
All the sacrifices and triumphs that my own people made
All the lows and highs we experienced together
Black people changed the world and that's forever in stone
Nothing can take away what we did to history
For hundreds of years and we still got hundreds more
I wish that I could live on to see it all unfold
But I know one day that my generation will be long and gone
In the history books and being studied and talked about by the masses in classes
And that leads me to my next point in this whole piece
I hope the path that I'm leading gives the next generation hope
Lord knows that we need hope on the road that twists and bends like a slippery *****
And I pray to God that he gives me the guidance to make a impact in life
Even if it's just one soul that I ever touch
That one soul could be the spark that we really need
To reclaim our positions as kings and queens
And if everyone had this mentality then this would work
I just hope that we all wanna see a brighter day
A brighter tomorrow and future for our younger brothers and sisters to play
Moms and fathers
Aunt and uncles
****, even strangers
I pray to God he keeps my soul safe from it all

How much is my life worth in the eye of myself?
How do I speak when my heart won't allow the words to leave my mouth?
How do you look in the mirror when you **** an angel’s heart?
How do you keep lying to me when you know it wasn't true from the start?
I'm so confused about this crazy world that I'm in
I search for answers in the people who I'm around but I'm starting to think they don't get it
I know that last thought was long winded
But that's just how long my thoughts stretch in my mind through the day
Been talking to a reverend lately and she just telling me to pray
Well excuse me God but sometimes I wonder if he listens
I know he there cause I felt him before
But lately it's been different
I don't know if I can feel anymore
I feel numb and hurt at the same time
I guess my emotions have beaten me till I'm blue
****** and bruised on the inside but clean cut on the outer
Everyone wears a mask to hide what they find ugly
I wish I could see the beauty in the imperfections
I guess it's the fault in my stars
The smudge on the heart
Pureness has left my soul and I don't think it's coming back
Running away from my problems until the skin on my heel tears
Fighting with myself until my knuckles bleed
I can't get over all my evil and sinful deeds
A born sinner is what I am
An perfect being is what I'm not  
Nostalgia in my mind when I think of home
When I think about everything I've been through…..
And the fact that I'm still standing……
The only thing that's left…..
Is my mind……
Blown.